I’m here not for any confessions just to tell about me to this world and if even one person agrees who I am that’s enough for me
I’m a 20 year middle class boy who has faced many troubles infamily…from childhood days I have never seen my fathers love towards me he keeps on shouting and pin points a very small mistake to a large one.. I will be beaten up when I dont obey my fathers words for even a silly thing and my mom doesn’t even raise her voice against my father she reacts like “whatever my husband does is correct bcoz he is my husband”and they both think me like I’m a robot who dont have any feelings or even not a freedom to take a own decision.I spent my child hood days like a slave for them except watching those cartoons.I never got a friend in my life.if I go and talk with a class student they react like “why ur talking with me there’s nothing between u and me”so my heart hurted like anything.so I decided I dont need any friends and not ready to get hurted again and again.
I look very beautiful and silent so a girl fell in love with me she use to watch me all the time tries to impress me but I dont know what is the meaning of love that time so I never turned towards her and the chapter ended and next year I joined another school which was different from my old school there a girl tried to impress me but I was not ready I starred at her every time she watches me and one day I dont know what happened to me I started to fall for her and she noticed that I can’t control my feelings so I proposed her she spoke with à laughing face as “oh u love me ok but ur not the right person for me”and what u think I’ve done “suicide” naaah..I felt a real pain in my heart.my heart spoke to me for the first time and learnt what is love and what it does.and of course not even a friend to help this loser get normal all came to critisize me for what I’ve done.it happened 3 years before and till now I’ve never allowed another girl in my life.
Have u guys felt a real pain in ur heart I’m struggling with pain for 20 years and I’m ready to accept the death.I’m angry with god for making my birth in a disastrous family.I really push my every single day like I am gonna end my life so no problem whatever happens.this intention made me survive and this is gonna end now.
Hope u guys read my story and sorry for those who got hurt and happy for those who tried to feel my pain and I just want u guys to pray for me as I should end with a painless death thank u.
Yours loving
Kumar
4 comments
Everyone’s suffering is unique, no one can feel exactly how you feel, but it’s my belief a lot of us here share in a common feeling that is more than occasional depression or just feeling low.. Maybe it’s that we’re more hyper aware to the injustices and unfairness in the world, I don’t know, but I feel for you Kumar. Due to circumstances you can’t control, like the family you’re born into, it’s easy to become overwhelmed. You still have youth on your side though, and I know it may not seem like it, but it is a serious asset/power. Usually it’s not till one’s older that they can look back and fully realize it. You still have a chance to break away from what’s plagued you in the past. You have value, you have worth.
Tnx for ur comment felt better
I read your story. No advice to give but wanted you to know someone else read it. I don’t believe in god so won’t pray for you as you asked but I certainly hope you find happiness somewhere.
Know that I, and many others here, would have helped you had we known you in real life, whether by giving you support or by helping you in your decision. Your suffering has been terrible and inexcusable.
I hope you will find peace. Though I do not believe in god, I do know this: If there is a god, then he is benevolent, and he will have mercy on you and send your soul to heaven. You’ve seen enough of hell here on earth.