Wished I ended it that first night I joined. Life doesn’t get better, it’s just a lie. Funny how people say suicide is selfish, what is selfish is them expecting someone to continue living a life of pain because they want them to. You say family, friends, community get hurt… Fuck them they don’t give a shit about me. No matter how hard I try, it is not good enough in their eyes. We live in a fucked up society and world, fake people smiling…. They are the ones who need real help. I’m done….. I’m done living this fucked up life in this fucked up world. You call life a gift, if it is I never asked for it. God or whatever can take this fucked up gift back. I want out. A life determined by some pricks and corrupted government that robs you of everything. Yeah life is great…. A great pile of shit. Tonight before I sleep and everybody else is asleep I’m going to take the whole bottle full of tramadol and swallow it. Who knows I might swallow some other pills just to make sure I die.