is anyone else fascinated by death? I know it’s odd but I’ve never really been afraid of death. I mean, if someone swung a club at my head I’d duck on instinct, but when I think about death I’m just really curious. I would want to avoid pain and obviously there would be consequences, but I’m still fascinated. I’d love to see if I could make a good plan and carry it out effectively, I’d love to experience how it happens, I’d love to know if there’s an afterlife and what it’s like, or if there’s just nothing and I stop existing (not that I’d be aware to realize that, but still). I wouldn’t mind not being conscious of anything- after all how can I regret my death if I can’t think anymore?
on my worst days for the past year or so, I’ve actually wanted to kill myself because I honestly don’t deserve to live, but I’ve had this morbid curiosity for as long as I can remember. sometimes it seems like I was never really meant to survive anyway.
in other news, not that anyone really cares, my materials for suicide arrived today and I have a pretty specific plan of what time of day and how precisely I’d kill myself. all that’s left now is to decide specifically when, which could be anywhere from a month from now to a year from now. unless I somehow stop being this way, which I doubt considering it’s been a year.
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What happened to get you this way? You said it’s been a year, so something had to have happened right? Maybe you could fix it. I’m too scared of suicide because I’m scared that there’s a god who’s going torture me forever. Part of me thinks that it’s bullshit, but the other part is scared that I might be wrong, and that it’s for real. With it only being a year though, it’s possible that you could get to a better stage of your life. I wouldn’t give up hope too quickly. Yeah, life blows, but there have to be good parts, there are some I think. I don’t know if we ever get better, but we can at least learn how to cope better and how to fight the demons when they come. You could try counseling, it’s helped me a bit. It’s nice to be able to talk to somebody who doesn’t judge you for the shit you say. It’s really nice. I hope you get some sleep tonight.
I did get some sleep eventually, thanks.
Part of my desire to die is that literally nothing happened to me to make me want to die. The only problem in my life has been me. I’ve wanted to kill myself for a year and I’ve been self harming for a lot longer, and the only reason I’m upset and messed up is because there are too many things wrong about me.
I am in counseling, I’ve been there over a month. It’s nice to unload to someone who won’t gossip or act judgmental, but since I’m not 18 I can’t really say I’m suicidal without her telling my mom and probably the school, which to me isn’t worth whatever help she could provide. Also last week she literally said she had her work cut out for her (with me) after I explained some of the inner workings of my mind, lol. She wasn’t mean about it or anything but honestly I can only laugh because she’s right. My brain isn’t set up the way it’s supposed to be.
Also she apparently doesn’t think in diagnoses, so I don’t even know if I’m actually depressed or if my brain is just generally messed up.
since I was 3 years old… I loved reading books about death and dying as a child… I’m now 26 and I can not wait to die
Yes I DO have a fascination about death. The main reason is that > its something that is part of the human experience that I personally have not experienced it yet. And so long as I have not experienced something in life yet there is a part of me that is curious and or fascinated about it.
Death is like this thing that we all ponder from time to time. Religions try to tell us about it. Philosophers try to grasp it. We can rattle our brains all day long wondering about it. But the truth is that we each individually wont know what its like to die until it happens to us.
I think its very fascinating. In fact I used to be so fascinated by it that I wanted to hurry up and experience it.
But I have decided not to desire it until my time truly comes; because whatever comes after this life or whatever it is like to experience death. It can wait. For now I want to keep experiencing what its like to be alive. As I see it I will have plenty of time to be dead later on after my time has truly come. I am not going to try and get to it before my time.
I’m fascinated by death, but I’m more fascinated by life. Death (lifelessness) is everywhere. We’ll all get there eventually, you don’t have to work for it or be smart or lucky, we all get there eventually. But life is a very, very, very rare thing in the universe and it doesn’t last long. And no matter how we screw it up, the fact is not every lump of rock in the universe gets this chance. Sure life sucks and not a minute goes by that I don’t wish to be dead. But objectively speaking, life is valuable.
VERY WELL SAID SHORTCUT thank you for that!!!!!
thanks, it’s good to remember I’ll get there anyway
OK, you say you got your materials and you got your method sorted out. I take your word for it > its true and your ready to End it at some undecided point in the future. OK, I’m with you on that. BUT, before you go oft yourself. Why not take the method you have and just put it on the Back burner for Now. THEN go BALLS out for the next chapter of your life trying Anything and Everything you can possibly think of to make your life Worthwhile!! Try some drastic measures to pull yourself out of the bad place your in and give a 120 percent effort to make a kick ass life for yourself. Why not?
You got Nothing to lose! You can always end it later if your Balls Out chapter doesn’t work out!!
So why not give it a try. Go balls out and make DRASTIC CHANGES TO YOUR LIFE!! , even if they are super super duper drastic. >>>>
If you have a job you hate. QUIT.
If your in a shitty relationship. END IT.
If you live in some town that is boring to you. MOVE AWAY
If you are bored with life. GO ON SOME BIG ADVENTURE
If your friends have been getting on your nerves… DE-FRIEND THEM ALL. FUCK EM> FIND NEW FRIENDS
If your sick of your appearance. CHANGE IT. (dye your hair, dress radically different, get a tattoo, grow a beard)
If your tired of the same routine. CHANGE IT (radically change it)
If you hate your parents. MOVE AWAY AND STOP TALKING TO THEM
If somebody has been bullying you. KICK THEIR FUCKING ASS or TELL THEM OFF or PUT SUGAR INTO THEIR GAS TANK
If you have emotional pain TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT TO GET PAST IT. (music, therapy, art, poetry, self help books, self help groups or anything you can think of)
If your sick of feeling like nobody understands you. RADICALLY REACH OUT TO SOMEBODY
If your tired of being single. START ASKING OUT POTENTIAL MATES in a RADICAL BOLD WAY
If you hate your car. SELL IT. (ride a bike for a while, or buy a motorcycle)
If you hate your past. FORGET IT AND START OVER
If your sick of being a democrat. FUCK IT BECOME A REPUBLICAN
If your agenda has been too hard. TAKE IT EASY FOR A WHILE. (become a slacker)
IF being a slacker hasn’t worked for you. GET 2 JOBS AND WORK YOUR ASS OFF
If your sick of the music you have been listening to > TRY DIFFERENT TYPES OF MUSIC
If your tired of being selfish > TRY VOLUNTEERING TO HELP OTHERS
If your sick of being so serious all the time. GO DO STAND UP COMEDY AND MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH
If you don’t like your name. LEGALLY CHANGE IT. (it can be done)
If your tired of working your ass off. QUIT AND TAKE SOME TIME OFF
If your tired of the cold weather. MOVE TO A TROPICAL PLACE WHERE IT IS HOT ALL THE TIME
If your sick of people criticizing you. MOVE AWAY FROM THEM
I think you see my point by now. MAKE SOME DRASTIC CHANGES you got nothing to lose
Make some YouTube videos and maybe you’ll get a lot of hits and become an internet star
Move to another country
Learn to speak another language
Date different types of people then your used to
Write a book and try to get it published.
Sell your house if you have one and live in your car on the road like Jack Keroac.
Hitch hike across some foreign country
Spend a couple years working for Green Peace
Get a job helping out people who need help > like people with disabilities or the Elderly
Move to Hollywood and try to make it as an actor or a screen writer.
or fuck Hollywood. Buy your own camera and make your own independent films.
Try singing in a Band.
Join a political movement and lobby for change
Join a nudist colony and let it all hang out.
TRY SOMETHING DRASTIC > DON’T BE AFRAID YOU GOT NOTHING TO LOSE
I’m not 18 so there’s not a lot I can change about my life. I can try to do different things and challenge myself more but I’ve been trying that for a while and I’ve not really changed, which is part of why I want to die in the first place.
Thank you though, I appreciate it