Session 17: That moment

So, I just got back from a trip.  Had a good time, plenty of laughs, discussed future goals, dreams and what not.  Ate good food, spend time with her.  Made new things, punched other things, they remade said punched things.

Good times right?

right…

I mean, that is what they should be right…

good… times…

…

And then as if of nowhere it just happens…

… you know what it is…

That happens…

And you keep telling yourself that you got this, that this is not going to get you…

That you are bigger than it.

 

But are you?

 

Are you really?

 

Can you stand in front of it, and say it?

 

And then it happens again.

 

Like always..

As if it never went away, just hid well enough within the crevices.

 

And the more you try to rationalize it.

The more you want it not to be.

 

Is there.

 

Right there staring right at you.

 

Piercing whatever facade you might be carrying.

 

It does not matter if you smile, or if you try to ignore it.  It knows you.  It knows what you are.

 

It knows just whats festering under the skin.

 

It knows.

 

It always knows.

 

And you always knew that it knows.

 

…

 

So you try to play it off, but what did it get you?

What did all those people get you?

In the end here you are.

 

The same as before.

 

Nothing changes.

Nothing will ever change.

So what is the point?

 

And you try to analyze it.

 

but it ends up the same.

 

It always ends up the same.

 

You can do that, or you can do the other, you can make all the friends, you can see all the counselors, you can meet all the gods, you can taste all the colors

and in the end

its always the same.

 

It does not matter how many layers you cut to let that one person in…. because in the end…

 

Its always the same.

 

Always.