You lay awake in bed at night wondering where every little thing went wrong.
You create amazing friendships hoping they will spark into something intimate. You spend days, weeks, months and occasionally years talking to someone only to one day realise the effort disappears and you find that you are now the instigator. They never message you first, or call or whatever. It’s up to you.
Then one day you decide “okay, I’m not going to start the conversation this time. I will wait for them to instigate it.” Next thing you know you it’s been a few days and then weeks and months and you realise its lost. Then you start to think that YOU fucked up because YOU decided to stop instigating the conversations. You lay awake in bed at night wondering where every little thing went wrong. And you contemplate sending a text or a snapchat or commenting on a post somewhere, hoping you will pick up where you left off. And one day you do just that, you send them a text “Hey, how’s it going?” Etc. and after a few minutes you tell them you miss them.
You see for them, you’ve been gone for ages, they’ve moved on. But you, although the it’s been a month and a bit, you feel like you said goodnight yesterday.
And so it’s hard.
It’s hard facing that you are nothing to them now. No matter how much you try and fix it, it’s gone. All the work and all the effort creating something amazing, gone like that. Like trying to seize and opportunity, you try and do it in the moment but once it’s passed its gone.
And so you’re left with good memories but you’ll never get it back to how it was
its just a “Hey” that keeps you around
7 comments
Well done very true .
you tell an amazing story and i have lived it more than once
That really hit me
It’s sad but true
Man…It’s exactly like I feel in relation to those I call “friends”. It happens to me exactly like you described. I talked to my psychoanalyst about that again and again and again but it solves nothing. When I don’t start the contact the conversation fail.
I wonder if it happens to everyone and only few people have the courage to be sincere about…
Its absolutely true. I thought I would have my closest childhood friends that lives in my area with me for life, after having gone through so much together.. but I realised I was always instigating and I stopped to see if any of they would, now im without any friends. There is indeed nothing to fix, I was not of importance to these people.
Been through it maybe 4 times in the last 6 months