I’m sitting here on my bedroom floor, blood dripping from my fingers, trying to convince myself to just end it all. It could all be over so quick. How can that not be tempting. I’ve often thought I’d wanna go painlessly, up until recently. My life has shattered around me, the people I cared about most have up and left. I decided that I didn’t give a fuck anymore. I decided “fuck love” and “fuck right and wrong. Nothing in my life has ever been right.” I’ve been wasting myself, losing myself. I hate myself for the things I’ve done, but I don’t care enough to stop. I have no reason to. I’m not interested in the future, I just don’t see the point. I used to be religious, christian specifically, until my life collapsed multiple times and I finally stopped believing that there was some great god watching over us and protecting us. I tried to believe in a god who wouldn’t make good people suffer for no reason, a god who was too loving to inflict such pain on people… he didn’t exist. Death is inevitable in the end, and supposedly if you commit suicide you’ll go to hell, but I’m going there anyway, so does it really matter for what reason?
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17 comments
Personally I am an atheism, I think heaven and hell is nothing more then a way of controlling. But supposing there was a god, would he really send someone to hell biased only on their final act? after a life long of numerous good acts, why would that final one define them… Especially when god, apparently, is so just.
“a god watching over us and protecting us” It’s a nice thought but, no one came down and saved the millions of peoples killed in mass genocides. No divine presence heard their cries & prayers :-s I doubt mine would be of any importance.
I probably should’ve left the religion thing out of it. I really don’t like talking about religion to people because there are so many people with so many different beliefs and opinions and I’m not a person who likes confrontation. As of right now I’m not 100 percent sure what I believe. If there is a god, I want nothing to do with him and I am going to hell. If there isn’t, I’d be okay with that. I actually hope there isn’t, so I hope you’re right. Just out of curiosity, what do you believe happens to someone when they die?
For sure, everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. It’s something that can never be known for sure and so no one is right… it’s just all opinion and there is nothing wrong with that.
For me, I trust in science, we come from the earth and we return back to it… could be wrong, who really knows. When a person is close to suicide maybe they are past caring or worrying about if’s and but’s and ready to take their chances and deal with what ever is to come when they get there.
I personally don’t see why life sucking is evidence against a god. I never expected God to make my life pleasant, and I don’t think that makes Him not-loving or not-good. But anyway, you can believe what you choose to. We all have our own beliefs for our own personal reasons.
I’m just curious about one thing: if you’re no longer a Christian, then why do you believe “but I’m going there (to Hell) anyway”? Why do you still worry about suffering in Hell if you no longer have a belief in God? It seems like a lot of undue stress.
I still somewhat believe that there is a god, just not one that I want anything to do with. It never did me any good.
Ah, I believe that’s called misotheism. Not to label you or anything. Just trivia. Human beliefs are too complex for labels, anyway.
Well, I believe in Hell, but for your sake, I hope it isn’t real. Or at the very least, that you don’t end up there.
My friend is a Deist. She believes in a god, but not in a god that interferes with life or human affairs. She also believes that when we die, our “spirits” are reunited with that of the universe. Like a peaceful thing. Maybe she’s right, and we will all ascend to a higher plane of existence and be indescribably content after death. Wouldn’t that be nice?
Anyway, I hope you’re in a safer place right now, bloodstainedlips.
Life being good or bad is in no way evidence, it’s just a matter of faith or lack of really. But how a person interprets scriptures and belief is their own prerogative and not to be pushed on anyone else. “Thou shalt not kill” is not evidence that suicide is a sin.
Never said it was, never pushed anything. Good to know that that’s automatically assumed of me, though.
My comments are in general not aimed at anyone person in particular…. In general religious people call suicide a sin to try and deter people from making that choice.
No, they call it a sin because they genuinely believe it to be one, and because they actually don’t want whoever they’re talking to to suffer in the next life. Even if you don’t believe that they are right, the sentiment can be appreciated. But anyway, I’m sorry for being on the defensive. I try not to be passive aggressive or snippy on here. And I did misread your comment.
It’s all just views and opinions and it’s cool, we all have them. we’ll all find out one day anyway I guess. but, nothing was said to purposely try and upset you so please don’t feel that :0)
It’s okay, I do know that. No hard feelings, Ant. 🙂
none at all ^_^
I like the Shakespeare quote.
I posted that a few months ago myself:
suicideproject.org/2016/01/shakespeare/
I personally don’t believe suicides go to hell; I personally believe that everyone’s circumstances and situations are taken into account. In fact, I don’t believe anyone actually goes to hell; I personally believe that truly evil people simply have eternal nothingness. That’s a big difference compared to someone who was basically good but suffering.
Just my opinion. 🙂
I hope you’re right also. I don’t know why I believe what I do, but sometimes I just really hope I’m wrong.
I can only speak for what is known in the world. I do not believe that humans are capable of keeping a story such as the bible the same over centuries. There would most certainly have been people over all those years that had the chance to edit the book, subtracting and adding as they saw fit. I do know that energy cannot be destroyed. All over the world energy is transforming around us constantly. We are all part of that energy. Perhaps there are people such as the people listening here that have more energy than others. Maybe I am tormented each day because my energy excedes the capacity of my brain so I feel out of control. We are all here because we hope we are wrong about the things we have decided about ourselves. That we all have some purpose that will mean something before we die. That is what I hope for. I have far to much to worry about on the earth we all share I do not have time to worry about where the next place we end up will be and if I will have similar problems there or it will be a utopian paradise where all our troubles are solved. Perhaps we should stop look for what is next and we should all get together and live in the now. I don’t fit in a box, it doesn’t matter who makes the box. I will not fit.
For what it’s worth, my opinion shouldn’t matter to anyone but myself and should only be taken at face value by strangers, it occurred to me that Heaven would only be full of self-righteous snobs.
Literally an eternity of being at church, and the few times I’ve been forced to attend Christian church I hated it!!!!
Hell seems like a much cooler place to be stuck if I had to spend an eternity somewhere!!!