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why do we judge off of appearance?

by haileewantstobehappy
  • I feel like a proper idiot posting this but I don’t know where else to ask this and I know I’m going to get judged for it no matter what but I’ve been having really bad insecurity issues with my physical appearance. I feel like it’s the reason no one likes me, people judge so solely off of looks sometimes, is this why I’m single? Because I’m unattractive? It just fucking sucks and I hate the idea of plastic surgery but it might be the only thing I can do. I know, there are bigger problems, but this one has been getting at me the most. IMG_20150408_165623This is just a random picture of me, I usually only show half of my face because I absolutely hate the other side, it’s just worse looking


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joinel 4/12/2016 - 6:23 am

what is it with the other side? but if both side looks like the one you show, then your life definately is in easy mode. yeah, looks matter. we are animals governed by sex and reproduction; so good looks is where all the criteria is.

MyNiceSuicide 4/12/2016 - 6:51 am

You are beautiful!
So what if the other side looks like that little girl from Game of Thrones?? The daughter of that king…I don’t remembwr his name…
People give too much importance for appearance because it’s easier be ignorant and judge by appearance than try to know s.o. deeper and consider other beauty standards are acceptable and even better than the traditional ones dictated by media.
If you want to talk more email me!

passionforalways 4/12/2016 - 8:46 am

Should you be concerned about looks at your age? No. And you look fine. No kidding. In an innocent kind of way. You’re not an ugly person. I am concerned about my looks I admit but I am 30..almost time for me to find someone and start a family. I hate normalcy

PhantomCitizen43 4/12/2016 - 9:09 am

Yes most people do judge first by appearance.
But I have to say that you look pretty good and I don’t think you should be worried about the way you look so much. You are more attractive then most people out there.
forget the plastic surgery and just get on with your life.
You will meet somebody someday that loves you for who you are.

Tbone 4/12/2016 - 10:37 am

I agree with phantom. You are pretty! not everyone will like you but the right person will absolutely adore you if you are patient. All of us have through the stage you are stuck in re: looks. You have nothing to worry about in thos regard, trust me. Be confidant.

AgentQ 4/12/2016 - 10:41 am

Are you fucking kidding me?

deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful) 4/12/2016 - 7:58 pm

I have to agree with this sentiment. I didnt want to say anything but is this a troll post? I mean that with no disrespect at all but clearly you’re attractive. Maybe its high school beating on you. Maybe you go to one of those upity ass schools where the parents get their kids plastic surgery. Maybe you have body dysmorphic disorder(i hope not) but clearly youre beautiful. Unless this is a Two-face permanent scaring on your face situation. In which case im sorry.

AgentQ 4/12/2016 - 10:55 am

Sweetie talk to your guidance counselor or have your parents make you an appointment with a professional. They can help you. Open up to someone you can trust.

muspelhem 4/12/2016 - 11:47 am

Don’t get surgery. Makes people look alien. Trust me on this one: you are good-looking.

I doubt looks are your problem.

There are so many reasons you could be single. Honestly, with someone like you, I’d be intimidated enough by your looks that I might not approach you.

It could just be chance. Since guys are usually expected to hit on girls, that is sort of out of your control. They might assume you’re taken. You might not be their type. They might not dare.

If you like a guy, just ask him out. A lot of guys would jump at the opportunity.

muspelhem 4/12/2016 - 11:54 am

With regards to your question, it makes some sense to judge off appearance: you can tell a lot about people’s health, physical strength, happiness etc. from their appearance. Not everything, obviously, but it makes evolutionary sense. Personality matters too, but especially men pay a lot of attention to looks (sadly, I guess).

But yeah, you should have no worries in that department. I think you lack feedback. You’re assuming that because you’re single, you must be unattractive, but that isn’t the case, as I mentioned above. Hopefully you’ll get some feedback and gradually learn that you’re very pretty and that lots of people would enjoy dating you.

muspelhem 4/12/2016 - 12:21 pm

I would like to add one last thing: I think maybe women are a bit clueless about exactly how attractive most of them naturally are to men. Men tone down their sexuality to a ridiculous degree, because it’s sort of socially unacceptable to be really gung-ho about it. But truly most women are more gorgeous than they can imagine. That’s my opinion anyway.

So many women are self-conscious about things that seriously don’t mean squat to men.

I mean, sure there are some guys who are really picky, or of the opinion that every woman should hit the gym as much as themselves, but yeah, only cater to them if it’s something you enjoy.

nepheliad 4/12/2016 - 11:57 am

You’re a teenager, right? You still haven’t grown into your adult face, so your facial structure will change over the next few years. You have absolutely nothing to worry about, you’re pretty and you have beautiful hair. Do NOT go with plastic surgery, even when you’re older, because they might make a mistake and your looks could be ruined for life. Plus, if you obsess about changing your appearance, it could become an unhealthy addiction. Right now, all you need to do is try to stay healthy, stay hydrated by drinking lots of water, eat fruits and vegetables along with your meals, make sure you consume calcium and other vitamins and minerals, and exercise, etc. Just normal stuff for a healthy lifestyle, which will help you look your best and ensure that you’ll have glowing skin.

You can try talking to a school counselor if you have any concerns, but don’t let anyone tell you that you should change the way you look. Wear nice clothes to help you feel confident, try not to think about your looks too much, and say positive things to yourself about your personality, because that’s what ultimately attracts people in terms of friendship and dating.

When it comes to dating, if I were you I wouldn’t stress too much because at your age it’s more about just hanging out, so just focus on having fun with your friends (and crushes).

Procel 4/12/2016 - 12:21 pm

I think it has a lot to do with early humans, when meeting strangers could often end up with you dead, we learned to read people based on their looks, because it could save our lifes, over time that skill has become more developed (whether thats a good thing or not i dont know) to the point where we from our first impression of someone based not just on their looks, but the way they hold themselves, the confidence they show, the shyness, everything we feel about ourselfs is shown through body language, and most humans posses the ability to read body language, to varying degrees. And alot of that happens on a subconscious level, most of the time we arent even aware that we are doing it, and pass it off as just looks, but its a lot more complex than that. Your issue isnt your looks, your a beautiful young woman. your problem is your body language. Your discomfort with the way you look, and all the other bad ways you feel about yourself manifest themselves in the way you portray yourself to those around you, that portrayal to alot of people could be misinterpreted, as you been closed off or not interested or whatever. while we use other peoples body language to form opinions, its a raw tallent that can often mislead us and give us the wrong opinion, so dont think its about your looks, your not ugly by any means, id wager its body language. Feel free to email me if you want (as can anyone who reads this)
crimson – trickle @ hotmail . com
No spaces obviously, im trying to avoid modeation

mato42 4/12/2016 - 1:42 pm

Lady, you want to know what I literally thought when I saw that picture?

“Damn even grade A people get depressed”. As in the best looking of all. Honestly, if you consider yourself unattractive, I don’t know what you consider as being attractive.

If it’s about school as others have said, I know it can be next to impossible, but don’t let the classmates get to you. There is a high concentration of assholes on any school, even on some universities. Plus your appearance will evolve as you get older, especially as you turn 20 and I have yet to see a woman who didn’t get even better looking in their 20s.

And about judging on appearance – well, we all do it on some level or another, but there is a difference if someone is shallow as my grave will be and sees only the appearance and it’s different when it’s seen just as something minor, like the color of hair which is part of a much bigger package called whole person. I hardly know any friend who would refuse a girl just because she’s not considered the top model. What’s the most important is that their personalities match.

And about being single – one of my female friends was single till around 18, now she’s in a happy relationship for several years. Another one, single till 19, happy ever since. Good things come to those who wait. And if you don’t want to wait, then you have to seek it 🙂 Engage in conversations with people who like what you like and if you want, let things happen naturally.

dividebyzero 4/12/2016 - 2:43 pm

Hailee – you are very pretty. Unless you have severe burns or something like that all over the other side of your face, I don’t know why you think you are unattractive. Most likely it’s just a case of high school boys looking for the “popular” kids or something like that. High school boys are generally pretty stupid and fickle — I certainly was when I was in high school. Don’t put too much stock in what they do or say. And definitely don’t get plastic surgery.

Also, like muspelhem says, I’d be willing to bet some of the quieter, shyer boys are intimidated and won’t approach you because they figure you’re way out of their league.

darkwillow 4/13/2016 - 1:17 am

You’re so pretty

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