haven’t been feeling like i need food or sleep. hallucinating a little, not really all visual but smelling random things and occasionally stopping what i’m doing to listen … i either cant get out of bed or i’m pacing the house and organizing things. its funny how they can tell what state my mind is in based on my hair, its sticking up everywhere and I wear the same clothes(I usually lose track of my days and end up getting too comfortable in them).
i feel so lonely. and pointless.
i realized i don’t need to make enough money for a coffin/service, i don’t need a funeral. i just need to get rid of my things and pay my debt.
its kind of stupid of me to think i could do something worthwhile before then, i cant even get out of my head.
its been 2 years of nothing.
and i’m never going to change. and no one is ever going to hear me. and in a few months they’re going to die, and then what. its just waiting in line. what am i even here for?
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The beginning of this I am experiencing and have often. Sounds like manic depressive disorder, which is how I was diagnosed. And it’s a ***** to live with and anyone who sees you that way automatically assumes you’re insane, which isn’t too far off. At least in my opinion.
I’m thinking I might be hallucinating bad and the me that posted this is actually me