My partner and the love of my life passed away last week and I am in constant despair and disbelief.
Since his passing I’ve tried to kill myself by overdose on ibuprofen and even put a knife to my chest on 2 occasions (survival instincts kicked in). I was found by my sister and mum when I overdosed and so I am still here, to wallow in my pain and misery. If you want to know more you can read my other post.
Anyway, last night I was asleep and in the dream world (its the only way I can escape from the pain), and something strange happened. My dream was interrupted by something and it was like his death clouded my dream, reminders that he is gone, I didn’t panic in my dream but I woke up choking. It took me an hour or so to get back to sleep, but my mind was racing, every time I closed my eyes, I would open them again, hoping to see him.
At first I thought it was just anxiety, then I read that some superstitious cultures believe waking up choking means a spirit is sitting on your chest. I prefer the later to be honest, the strange thing is, as soon as the choking had ceased, my cat (who was at the end of the bed) came up to me and sat on my chest, she never does this.
Ever since his passing, my cat has been acting strange at night and I hope that perhaps he wants to take me with him to the after life and she knows. I so hope he does, but anyway, what are your thoughts on why this happened? just anxiety? or something else?
3 comments
Cats are perceptive, my guess is that your cat senses you’re feeling down and is trying to be near you. I remember being really down when i was staying in the home of one of my ex gfs (long story) and her cat kept sitting on my chest and looking at me, and yeah, supposedly that never happened either.
As for your p*rtner wanting to take you to the afterlife with you… nah. If he loved you (pretty sure he did) i’m pretty sure he wishes well for you, so i don’t think he’d want you to die. There’s plenty of possible explanations for the choking feeling tbh, specially if you’ve gone through things like you have.
I’m sorry for the loss of your love.
Anxiety in all probability.
Somehow I doubt your love would want you to give up your life. He’s got infinite time now; he can wait.
Your cat is distressed by all this. You might want to make a point of telling her every once in a while that everything is going to be alright.
You have to give yourself time to grieve.
Many things will probably happen that may or may not mean something relevant. I agree, cats (animals) are perceptive, yours is most likely sensing your distress and is curious. If this was MY experience, personally I’d call it some kind of anxious physical response. If it brings you feelings of closeness to him, I believe that’s good. You need time, lots of time. Love your cat, they’re good for you.