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The Solipsist

by WanderingDreamer91

Introduction

Here’s a poem I made on Facebook on June 1st, when I really needed to vent. :p
(It’s a bit dark and sadomasochistic, instead of just plain masochistic, I hope that’s okay…)

Not that anyone cares, most people just ghost me…

People usually ignore me or hate me, I’m not sure if anyone is at fault when people leave me or don’t want to talk to me and I’m not sure if I should even care…

I just want to be myself… people are too different from me…

I might make a full post about myself later, but right now I’m kind of lazy. :p

Anyways, here’s the post. Enjoy. <3

(June 1, 2018 (Friday) (26))
https://www.facebook.com/MatthewHyder/posts/1240919879344364

Topic: The Solipsist
(Poem by me)

I’m pure evil in reality, yet pure good in the imaginary.
Death is the only freedom I know,
The more I suffer, the more my hatred grows and grows.
Everything I do is to make myself feel free,
In the end, I just want to be me.

Life often doesn’t even seem real,
What does it take just to be able to feel?
When the world ends and burns to the ground,
I’ll be happy knowing there’s no more deafening sounds.

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3 comments

WanderingDreamer91 7/21/2018 - 7:10 pm

Awesome. Perfect.

Also, I think I put a link down to my Facebook Post which I saved and put on Friends Only, which contains the original date I posted the poem.

I used to have most of my posts on Public about a year ago until shit like this got me in trouble, plus a few people that came by were trolls I think, or at least people not on my friends list… (Friends of a friend? People from groups/pages I liked? Literally random? I don’t know…)

Sigh… I fucking hate people sometimes…

… I might be suffering from so called disorders, a plethora of them, probably Avoidant Personality Disorder at least…

I don’t like to believe that there’s something wrong with me mentally or emotionally or at least in a way that I can’t fix, especially if lots of people out there in the world get away with being an asshole if not worse and their like… I don’t think they got labeled as anything, and had any special education or diagnoses through a doctor and stuff like I have…

They just hurt and hurt and I’m the one that has to be put through shit… like not verbal or physical shit, but outright authoratarian, shit that can change my life…

Sucks man… Sometimes I feel like the most hurtful and/or confusing people at least are like evil aliens…

Man, if only… I’d love to live in a zombie apocalypse and start killing people. :p

Heck, if I could die and go into a video game world or something, I’m not even entirely sure if I want it to be peaceful, or if I want it to be like Berserk, as long as I get to be the main character, like Guts. XD As long as I have power… as long as I know what to do… I feel like I can do anything… All the freedom, power, and wisdom in the world… Nothing could stop me, I could be anything I want…

… I tried to make a list of actual plans that could work…

Like, needing to get a girlfriend/go to college/license, eventually get a home/car after that, then maybe even get married and have 2-4 kids max, etc…

Not sure if I want a hobby-based career either, or something more serious/empathetic like being a therapist, as ironic as that sounds… I’d only want to help people like on here who are suffering like me though… Heck, I kind of want a girlfriend where both of us can act as each others crutches, I don’t know…

Fuck, I’m ranting too much and should probably make this into another post instead of comments, but whatever…

… Please don’t delete this stuff admin, it’s important to me…

WanderingDreamer91 7/21/2018 - 7:14 pm

Woot! I didn’t think I could make comments that big on top of big posts, I thought I’d have to shorten it down.

Awesome. Not sure what to do now, I saved my password so logged in or not, it should be easy to come back here.

I guess I’ll just take a break…

… Wondering if dating sites work… might need an account on okcupid… Still pondering what kind of girlfriend I want…

I need something… authentic… Real… Someone whose smart, kind, honest, and knows what to do to help me out, that shares my beliefs and interests, that doesn’t judge me… and I could have sex with her anyway I want to. ^///^;

Maybe she won’t be perfect, but she’d be nice enough… and attractive enough…

Um, not sure what else to say…

Yeah. :p

WanderingDreamer91 7/23/2018 - 11:41 am

Aww man, no one really checked this one out…

Oh well…

I feel like my cursing blocked everything out, how stupid…

I tried to change it for my main post, but not sure if I can edit comments…

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