Its just so hard to live this life. I have been living with depression for years and I dont think I can take it anymore. I want to end this life. I know the pain it would give to my family but I’m past the feeling to think about others and hesitate. I have become selfish who wants to end her own pain rather than thinking about the ones who love me. I have done enough for them and I cannot do even just being alive for their sake. Let everyone know how hard was it for me to keep pretending that I’m fine all these years.
I fell in love again with someone knowing that there is no future with him. I started looking forward to future. Now he wants me to accept the reality and move on. I never thought I would love again with my state, but now I feel more and more broken than ever. I’m at my worst state. I have a life that others envy – loving family and a good job. But I hate my life. why life is so hard, how people look at it positively and want to achieve something? I dont understand.
He advises me to be happy and positive and to value my life because there are many unfortunate people out there. so what? Comparing my life with others is not going to ease my pain. Even if I’m fortunate in other’s eyes, in the end, I’m the one who has to feel the pain and deal with it. I don’t even want to try to solve this because I know nothing can help.
I cant just describe how much pain I feel, in words. Its beyond explanation and no one could possibly even understand. I have to somehow wait for 3 more months to end my life because of my current situation. But passing every day seems so so difficult for me.
I wish I could die right this instant and free myself from this feel. its hard to wait. I feel so out of it and I feel so empty. I’m so desperate to die. All the day I’m thinking about how, where and when to die. Nothing else is on my mind. I wanted to tell someone how I feel. please don’t advise me to value this life. I hate this shitty life.