I’m officially at the number zero of people I can talk about suicide with without making people triggered, uncomfortable, or being told I should seek help or call a hotline. I guess talking about it just makes it worse and just makes me want to do it even more! Because nobody wants to be friends with a sad *****, you might as well eliminate the sad ***** altogether and kill her off. In addition, I’m officially at the point of no longer making myself vulnerable to the point where I begin to contemplate these thoughts. Did I finally solve the puzzle as to why my life is always such a mess, why I can never maintain friendships? Will this end my thoughts altogether? I just have to force myself not to dump all of my bullshit on them. That’s all. No more feeling vulnerable and helpless. Oh, no. This is the new me. I’m either happy or numb. I’m closing my entire self off for good from everyone who is not my mother, my therapist, my journal, or my laptop.