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recalling torture

by system

the way my blood ran cold every time you threatened me

the way that the blade felt as i dug it into my flesh to form the letters of your name

the way the candle wax burned as it hit my skin

the way that the acidic feeling in my throat would linger when you made me film myself purging

the way i would try to speak clearly between sobs in those videos you forced me to make, the ones where i apologized to you

the way you talked me out of taking my life in front of you, not out of love, but out of your desire to keep me as a pet

the way you told me that killing myself was selfish, that you needed me to stay

the way i begged you to make the pain stop as i dragged a razor down my face, over and over, while you told me to smile

the way you manipulated me

the way you abused me

the way that i continue to recall those memories against my will,

 

all of it is torture.

4 comments
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4 comments

BlueBirdie 3/20/2021 - 4:23 am

I’m so sorry for your pain.

system 3/20/2021 - 2:29 pm

thank you for your condolences.

Robert77 3/20/2021 - 8:22 am

That is so awful and I really hope you stay away from that psychopath. I have a friend who is going thru something similar and she is finally getting out as of yesterday.

system 3/20/2021 - 2:29 pm

Please tell her to contact law enforcement. They are helping me greatly.

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