I planned to end it a couple years ago when I was in high school , but now i’ve graduated from college and started University. Everyday, at the back of my head, I struggle to imagine a future for myself because I feel like i’m way below average and I won’t be able to make it in the working world. I choke on my words when talking to anyone I’m not close with and I feel like a social failure. My thoughts of ending it were harsher than they were now but I still dream of dying everyday.
My life is actually not bad but I feel guilty for living especially with my self inflicted scars. I don’t deserve to live as happily as I do now. Sometimes I feel jealous of my family members that have passed. Some of them actually had a purpose and maybe a will to live. I feel bad for being jealous of the death of my close family, I miss them so much and I wish I could’ve taken their place.