A few days ago, I posted about the awful experience I had with this therapist. That night, I talked to a dear friend who is in the psychology field. She pointed out that this therapist likely has a very conventional view of relationships, and can’t conceive of anything different. Which is sad; they’re supposed to be aware of cultural differences with their clients and have enough Theory of Mind to work with clients who are very different from themselves. (Ironically, it’s we autistics who are said to lack Theory of Mind, when in my experience, it’s usually neurotypicals who lack it.)
My friend also pointed out that this therapist’s narrow worldview includes gender roles. Since she sees me as a woman (even though she knows perfectly well I’m trans) and my friend as a man (even though he’s agender and is fine with any pronouns being used for him; I guess it’s my fault for using he/him pronouns), she thinks it’s impossible for me to be physically intimate with him without being in love with him, so I must be in self-denial, and therefore he must be taking advantage and hurting me… Like she really thinks this is the 1800s and grown adults can’t decide to f*ck for fun? I don’t know, it’s ridiculous. But it also really angers me because it means she’s mentally putting me (and my friend) into these stupid categories we don’t actually belong in. It means she doesn’t see me.
But how am I ever going to find a therapist who
- takes my insurance (Medicaid, which means they have to be in this state)
- is accepting new clients
- is preferably neurodivergent or at least has enough awareness to work with ND clients
- is queer or at least can get away from of antiquated gender concepts
- understands the concept of non-escalator relationships (I shared links about that concept with this therapist but apparently she never bothered looking into it to try to understand me)
- specializes in healing from C-PTSD
Might as well ask for a unicorn for my birthday. I feel adrift alone in the middle of the Atlantic ocean. I would say I feel despair, but I’m way beyond that. I don’t even feel numb. I don’t feel anything anymore. There’s nothing left but an empty shell.
3 comments
I’m sorry that therapy isn’t working out for you. Therapy can be really hit or miss honestly. You sit down and pay a total stranger to help analyze your problems and work with them to find a solution. But how can they? Telling someone about your problems and having them really understand them are two different things. They are a stranger looking in, but if they are not really “close” to the situation how can we work with that. At least that’s my view on it. I hope you manage to see someone who’s at least understanding of the basic elements that make you (gender identity, age, sexual preference, ethinc/racial identity, etc.) I also hope things work out with you and your friend. Hope things get better.
within the politics of who becomes a therapist…. yeah, I second your doubts as to the likelyhood of running into one that fits the bill. It isn’t a problem unique to therapy, carpentry samely has the same sort of issues; we aren’t paying enough/the existing system favors people similar to people already in the system.
I know people who are tolerant who studied psychology, but the either drifted towards case management or academia. In six years of school, I never met someone broad minded who wanted to go into therapy.
I’m biased though, I really think a system that professes to want to maximize function should have been willing to make room for people different than them. I’m now going down the road of disability, because I have a tight area of function, I need support in the workplace. It wasn’t there for therapists, not when I looked at it.
I do really believe there will be a huge adjustment at some point. we’re at a crisis point as far as treating just the people diagnosed, not even getting into the people who don’t trust therapy and have every reason to. The system has to change though. I don’t believe working within it is possible anymore.
So maybe someday. I’d love to go back to work…. to have the support I need to do that. but it’s above my paygrade, even when I was working in the field, it was above my paygrade. I was supposed to keep my nose clean and bide my time for another decade before I was given any input on the future of the field.
I’m just curious: what exactly did you do to get over your feelings for your friend? How quick were you able to get over it? I’m trying to get over feelings for someone myself