I believe so. My ex thinks that my suicide is foolish because I am lying to myself by thinking that he was my only happiness. He says that no one person can be the source of another’s only joy in life. Then how come I’m contemplating suicide for the first time ever? How come I’m so sad?
I have no family. I have no friends. I have no life, and now I don’t have him. Pathetic, I know. What’s more pathetic though is how long I’ve been haunting this website declaring my death and have no courage to actually do it. No courage to live, no courage to die. In a tight spot, I’d say. Each day is worst than the next. My therapist has no idea how to save me. All she does is trash my ex by saying “he’s not good enough for you anyway, he doesn’t even have a job…blah blah blah”. I could care less about his occupational status.
Apparently everyone thinks I should live because “things will get better.” To me, I just hear them saying “I don’t want blood on my hands if you commit suicide.” They don’t want to feel guilty.
The only person I know will truly miss me is my dog. He hates everyone but me, literally. He barks at everyone, only cuddles with me, and doesn’t eat when I’m not home. Poor guy. He’ll probably be euthanized at a shelter when I go.
9 comments
To answer your title question, yes. That was the case with my friend’s estranged wife, who killed herself a few months after they separated. She was uberclingy and overpossessive the whole time they were together, and he was fine with that. I didn’t like her. I thought she was pathetic and that she needed SOMEthing of hers that wasn’t related to him. A job, a hobby, a friend, SOMEthing.
Karma’s a *****, I guess, because now I’m the pathetic one. My ex wasn’t technically the only source of my happiness, but he made me so happy it spilled over into everything else, and when he left (quite unexpectedly), all of that was poisoned. We weren’t even together very long and I don’t know how I managed to enjoy life before him, but I’ve been single far more than coupled and this is the only major depression I’ve had since 2003. So… wtf.
And now he keeps saying I’m just like her >.> It’s a wonder he hasn’t asked me if I’m suicidal at all.
Like you I am stuck in limbo, not really living and not really dying. My therapist doesn’t trash my ex, though, that would make me very defensive of him. She says hold on, that she will help me find reasons to live. Your dog needs you… my cats need me… guess we’re stuck here a while?
I should proof these before I post.
“And now he keeps saying I’m just like her” was referring to my friend, not my ex.
@Sadbk
I’m sorry but, your friend sounds like a jerk. Hasn’t he learned that he had a part in her suicide? Or at least take death seriously enough to have some compassion for a person who is so sad that they feel death is their only option?
And then to say “you’re just like her”, get the fuck out of here. He should have killed himself instead, the unfeeling bastard.
I think you and him are being quite harsh on yourself. Some people are depressed, why? Who knows. But I hate the whole bunny-boiling, clingy woman stereotype. It completely ignores the pain within such a person.
And yes, our pets will miss us. Sometimes I find myself talking to the little guy and I starts crying and he comes ferverntly licking up my tears. It always cheers me up even though I know he just likes the salty tastes of tears. :/
If only my dog could be my boyfriend ha.
No he’s not a jerk! Her suicide wasn’t his fault at all. She was an alcoholic, refused to get help, and it got to the point where she was physically and verbally abusive day after day until he couldn’t take it anymore. He told her if she doesn’t stop it he was outta there, and it continued. I would have left long before he did! (easy for me to say, I suppose… I wasn’t in love with her) And really, suicide is never anyone else’s fault, per se. The person committing suicide is making that decision rather than trying A, B, or C. Even if they don’t see any other options… I wouldn’t say it’s another person’s fault, even if that person drove them to do it. And my friend is having a hard time coping with her death. He never stopped loving her and was hoping they could reconcile. We think she was probably drunk when she did it. She didn’t leave a note and she did it where her parents would find her, he thinks as a final “fuck you” because she hated them (he never understood why).
Anyway. It was wrong of me to judge her. She had anxiety and social issues, and she’d tried therapy and meds and stuff but nothing worked. (maybe she didn’t try that hard? I have no idea)
Yeah I feel sorry for Glenn Close in that movie…
Aww, sweet doggie.
They say dogs can die of a broken heart.
It is hard for some people to understand how you feel. Id love to hear more about your pooch. If it wasnt for my dog, i wouldnt be here. How can you leave a loyal, unjudging friend behind?
Please email me if you wanna just chat, i could use a friend too. 🙂
Lol you just need to find a guy whos like a dog, then. Are you year of dog, too? (1982, 1994)
I have dog too..well it’s not realy my dog his previous owner left him and moved abroad..So i take care of him..It is realy the only thing that keeps my sanity alive…
@Lestatbarrenheart
I have a mil obsession with the little critters (dogs). Even when I’m at my lowest point, seeing those dogs who are getting “walked” and sit down or lag along unwillingly to resist the leash, haha! A huge smile just comes on my face. I have no idea why I love dogs so much, maybe it’s genetic. Or, the more likely reason lol, they are loyal. No one else greets me when I come home like my dog; I feel like a celebrity with the warm welcome he gives me. Even if I’ve been gone for 3 minutes, when I return it’s like he hasn’t seen me in years.
Plus, dogs are just plain adorable. 😀
So yeah, I’m sure he’d be heartbroken if I died. I can hear him whimpering now. (I think he does that a lot because he knows I think it’s irresistably cute lol)
I think I’m year of the horse? (1990)
I’d love to chat, wildernessrealm@gmail.com
@RazielQin
I know exactly what you mean. Some weekends I won’t leave the house nor see another human being the entire time and I swear if it wasn’t for my pooch I’d go crazy. He’s enough social interaction without the demanding nature of a human. I don’t have to talk, and if I do feel like ranting, he will tiredlessly listen.