im in a position where i need that pain deep in me to end. and i dont know how..the only way that im aware of is to end everything. im in a a position where many girls have been. it may even sound common and uninteresting to many. i have lost the love of my life..the love that every minute of my life in the last 3 years have revolved. it may sound common but the pain of every person is huge..its unbearable..and its important to them. my world came crashing down. after all these years, i seem insignificant and worthless to the love of my life. and i dont understand why..or hoe..or even whether its possible. coz i feel the same love i felt 3 years ago..and i certainly did not see this coming. i feel like i was taken up this beautiful mountain thinking i was going to share the world below with this person..only to find out it was to push me off the cliff. i have attempted suicide a few times..but this time im strong willed that i will do it till it happens..till everything ends. nothing excites me anymore..no matter who or how many people i have around me i still feel a deep hollowness and loneliness in me. not till the few times i attempted suicide did i understand why people come to such conclusions. everything reminds me of us…everything. to me these 3 years were the best times and the worst of my life. but even at this point wat was beautiful only seems to matter..unlike for my the other half who has picked out only the distasteful moments. the promises we made each other, the kisses we shared, the gifts we exchanged, the lessons we learned together, the process of growing up…all of these overwhelmes my thoughts. i have been there during good times and bad..from weddings to the passing away of immediate family. even till 2 weeks ago he was loving and he wanted me with him. how did this change just like that?? he refuses to talk or listen to me..he speaks with so much hatred and that tears me apart! i have put everything and everyone on the line for him..myself.my family, my friends…it was all about him and only him! now..he leaves me..he lets go off my hand so easily while my hands are desperately looking to place them back into his. he treats me like i was nothing to him. how can he do that to me??!! how can the three years have not meant anything to him?? i know he loved me….and when he looks at me when im gone…he will realize that i loved him with all my heart and soul and i dont belong in this world if i dont belong too him. he will realize the pain i experienced without him. more than anything he will realize how much he meant to me and how much i needed him with me….he will realize that all the promises i ever made to him was true…the love i had for him was true…everytime i looked into his eyes it was sincere…everytime i said i loved him i couldnt have meant it any more or less than that….. will be gone soon…just needed to get it out before i do..someone needs to know my story…..
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and what if he doesn’t realize?
I’ve felt some very similar things… but have you considered the possibility that maybe he will just never “realize?” Maybe he’ll just never “get it?” Maybe he changed, and has become incapable of caring. Maybe he’s not “him” anymore. Maybe who you “love,” is gone… even if his body still walks this earth, piloted by an entirely different personality or mindset?
Would you want to throw yourself away, if you knew he would be utterly unaffected, and would barely even notice?
Whatever you do, it’s not going to stop him. He’s going to do what he’s going to do, even if you off yourself. Even if he does “realize.” Even if he is “sad.” Your suicide won’t get him back, and it won’t “get back at him.”
Surely there must be someone better out there, somewhere, who wouldn’t just throw away the meaning of all your shared time, and disregard you into oblivion, like that.
maybe he wont…i see what u are saying..maybe me ending my life wont even mean anything to him…
but it ends my pain…i dont need to live everyday with every damn thing reminding me of him..
i dont need to face everyday without him…
maybe there will be someone who values me like u said..but the journey to get there…?
i was in this exact same situation before…and shortly later i found my the other half…
but he did the same thing another person did to me..after rescuing me from all that pain he decided to chuck me back exactly where he rescued me from…how would i know i wont keep ending up here??
the journey in looking for this person who will value me is too risky..too uncertain…..
I would say it’s wrong to give up over distress caused by someone who doesn’t value you as a person.
It’s… difficult to imagine this same thing happening twice, and back to back, even… but maybe it means you need to develop better selection and approval methods for potential mates. I’m not saying “it’s your fault,” and you can’t always know who will turn out to do or be what… but maybe there’s more to learn, and maybe you can make a better selection next time?
Maybe the key is not to be found in need of rescue, but in a position from which you are stable, and don’t mind returning to, if things don’t work out?
Maybe value the love you have to give, more highly than you do now, so that you will be more careful about who is allowed to receive it?
The better part of me realize all that u are saying couldnt be less true..
my emotions now are messed up..
i dont know how to deal with this..i just dont know.
i feel unappreciated..i feel rejection…i feel the love someone doesnt feel for me anymore..
what do i do???
most of us have been there, maybe to not the same extent everyones different but it always sucks for everyone to lose someone or something you love. Personally after my last ex i didnt eat for a month, thats how i managed my pain and then one day i thought “stuff it why am i bothering being sad I get one life i might aswell try” Im still trying and i dont think anyone ever truly gets over an ex there will always be feelings but you move on, you did once before.
It sounds like youre a tad bit scared to be alone. Its scary as heck but im of the opinion you have to like yourself before you can be in a healthy relationship. I know it sounds corny but take some time and do things you enjoy, relish in the freedom 😀 I promise if you do that youll feel alot more comfortable in your future relationships. I know from a friends experience that jumping from person to person because youre scared to be alone does more harm than good and makes it alot harder than it needs to be in the future. It can damage your trust, confidence and self worth.
You sound like a very loving and loyal person. Those traits are special and hard to find nowa days. There are tons of good guys out there looking for girls like that. Wait for the right one (dont go for the next guy who pays you attention just because youre lonely) you deserve it.
thank u so much for the care and concern…
it makes me think i have options…
i need to do some thinking….
thank u it means alot…
oh and i mean this is all sincerity not as a joke as it honestly helped me. Its something Butters in South Park said after a break up i hope you dont find this offensive.
“Well yeah, and I’m sad, but at the same time I’m really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It’s like, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human. And the only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt somethin’ really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good, so I guess what I’m feelin’ is like a, beautiful sadness. I guess that sounds stupid.”
“what do i do???”
Well… essentially: “anything but think of him.”
Try to relax and just breathe.
Try to continue taking care of yourself. Don’t let yourself go, at least, not too far, or for too long. “Weather the storm” so to speak. It won’t stay as bad as it is now… but you’ll probably not ever really “forget” either.
Take your personal time to try to find a peaceful center, and “sort yourself out.” Work through your issues at whatever pace you can manage, without pushing yourself into a frenzy or a bottomless despair. Decide how much you’re willing to hurt for someone who chose not to be there. Which, should only reasonably be: “only as much as can’t be avoided.”
You are your own. Don’t put too much value on people who don’t, or can’t, or won’t, appreciate yours.
And, if this is even relevant, don’t stay in contact with this person. Any further contact will likely only result in you having more hurt feelings, which is not something you should allow him to do. Maybe after a while… “some day,” you might be able to have a non-volatile conversation with this person… but don’t count on it anytime soon, and if you ever do again, do it cautiously, from a guarded position, expecting that it will likely be uncomfortable.
Thats a really good point “Lets stay friends” Just doesnt work for some people itll just make things harder atm
@motion city:
lol, +1 for the butters quote. I totally read it in his voice.
Thats kinda wat i felt..coz i told myself i wouldnt feel this miserable if i didnt have sumtin special before…
If i didnt feel anitin then it meant it was all nothing…
All this is gona take time…gettin thru that time scarez me..
I have cried so much…my eyes sting thruout the day…
Im having pulpitation..i cant fall asleep…
Thank u for all yr support…thanx for trying…
After a really good ice cream you dont get upset because its all gone. Youre happy you enjoyed it and look forward to the next one 😀
I think youre alot stronger than you give yourself credit. The fact you and everyone else plucked up the courage to come on here in the first place shows there a part of you that doesnt want to go. You owe it to that part to “Weather the storm†as clevername put it.
I believe in you genuinely