I recently moved into my dorm room, and I wasn’t given a roommate who actually planned to move into the room so I’ve got a room to myself. Many people have said that it’s great that I have the room to myself but in complete honesty it sucks. Everyone has someone to hang out with because they have a roommate and here I sit all alone. I don’t know where the girls on the floor went but they aren’t here and my depression is setting in. I miss my friends and I miss my sister and her son and her boy friend, I miss just sitting there with them watching movies or random tv shows.
I miss the guy I’ve been stuck on for the past four months, he said he has the means to visit in two weeks or so and that’s exciting but I want to see him now. I’ve never been clingy before and now I’m clingy before anything has been made official which makes me feel like a crazy *****.
And I am always so tired, I never sleep though. I tried to sleep last night and nothing came and next thing I know it’s already 6am and I have class in two hours. I need to find a way to sleep more but I also need to find my click. I need to make friends who are up for anything. I feel like a weirdo for wandering off on my own, tonight I went down by the lake and just stared aimlessly at everything.
It’s a nice place to sit, calm and beautiful but lonely. Maybe if the guy comes to visit I can show him my spot where I sat tonight. I know I want to go there again sometime. Maybe not everyday but every now and again when I feel lonely and bored. I don’t have many classes tomorrow so maybe after the  two I do have I can try to catch up on sleep. I need to do laundry too, but I am probably going to do that tonight while everyone else is in their dorms.
I’m tired of feeling like I’m not good enough for anyone, I get  it you have your friends but obviously I can’t find anyone who wants to actually put up with my mood swings and my constant disappearing acts. Oh well I guess. It’s just hard starting over again.
Tomorrow I think I should see if I can get into see a counselor like a therapist counselor. I don’t know though, I’m to afraid to find out that I am actually crazy.
1 comment
Definitely go see the campus counseling department. What you are feeling is completely normal and they can help you adjust. 🙂 Also, have you thought about joining one of the club sports or college organizations? It is a great way to meet people. When I went to college I didn’t know hardly anyone and I joined the club hockey team (even though I could barely skate). It was awesome, I made great friends that I stayed friends with for years and I even learned to skate halfway decent. I always thought women’s rugby would be kind of badass too. You’ll find your niche, just don’t give up on yourself, college is a big adjustment you just need a little time (and sleep). Good luck!