It’s just m note that I was going to leave near… Just don’t expect much from it.
Why am I on this earth, if all I do is the same thing. Day after day all I do is repeat the last day, the only difference is that each day I get in a little more shit.
I feel like no one listens to me, and everyone is just there to bug me and stop me from being happy.
When I was doing various drugs, I was happy, and I could do my schoolwork without dying a little inside.
I should have been a girl, and not autistic.
Autism is one of the worst curses I have been inflicted with. I wouldn’t inflict this on my worst enemy. I feel this deep pain every time I see someone who is female, like I should have been one of them.
I can’t express myself properly without copying someone, it’s as if I can’t think for myself anymore.
Every time I try to be happy, someone manages to crush every last one of those feelings. It’s as if they want me to be a robot.
All anyone around me cares about is how they can fuck me over next, it’s as if the only reason I’m here is to be the ***** of their sick games.
It always seems as if everyone else has better opportunities than me, and more money, and more happiness. More everything.
I feel as if I need to put on a happy face, so no one suspects that I’m depressed.
I have to force out laughs, and smiles.
I have to force out emotions that simply aren’t there.
If I could just restart my life I would.
if I could just turn off my autism, and be normal.
if only I wasn’t born, then the whole world would be better off.
If I could just have been a girl, all this shit I’m stuck in would be different.
If I could just lose all this fat.
If I could just die.
If I was dead, all my world would be at peace.
8 comments
If you die you won’t be happy; you won’t be anything.
The worst thing about modern day parenting/society is that it does nothing to prepare us for the torrential hell that can be life sometimes.
I am antisocial and hate most everyone. My peers where I live are quite shallow, stupid, insensitive, moronic and just beyond boring. They don’t get it. They are too afraid of what an honest life means. They are too afraid to think for themselves.
It’s funny–The people who want to kill themselves are the people the world needs most.
You don’t understand do you, this has NOTHING to do with parenting.
This is just me letting this shit off my chest before I fucking kill someone, everyone around me. I’m 99.9% sure my parent, would never want to give me autism, or gender dysphoria, or suicidal thoughts. I didn’t ask your opinion, so don’t give it, unless there is something genuinely useful to me hidden within all the shit you spout from your empty brain.
Well then. Carry on. And guess what? I am a girl. A very attractive one at that. So fuck you and FUCK OFF.
I feel many of the problems you mention. But being a girl doesn’t always help. I am female and have a form of autism too, and my life is rubbish, although autism also has positive aspects, but because people like to stigmatize they only see the negative side.
Please can you google gender dysphoria, I think if you look enough it will tell you everything you need to know. How severe is your autism, I have to be kept away from the world holed up in this shitty school I am at RIGHT NOW.i am watched 24/7. I am given medication to stop me from going psycho. i can’t leave the school grounds on my own. On top of everything else, because this isn’t even scratching the surface, autism is the worst curse anyone can have.
I have almost everything on the spectrum. Autism, asbergers,Tourette’s, OCD, odd, PDA,dyspraxia, dyscalculia, and things like PTSD.
I have Asperger’s Syndrome and while I can do stuff on my own people constantly misunderstand me. I often freak out and everybody dumps me sooner or later. If I go out I get sick if the bus is late or or I go to the doc and he’s late because everything must be perfect and everybody must be punctual and nobody can stand me. My doc dumped me because I used to freak out and get angry because he was always late. People also blame me for things I haven’t done. It is always my fault because I am an aspie. A few years ago I have been bullied by a person and I had his emails and everything but nobody even ever looked at them because I have AS so it is just that I am socially inept and they didn’t bother to look at the evidence…
While it’s true that not all problems can be resolved, they can always be worked around. What is often the case is that people are especially cruel to those they perceive as different. And being that people like us are suicidal, we’re about as different as you can get.
But you know what? That difference means we’re not average. And that’s a good thing. I’ve been there, thinking that my life was a complete waste of time. And even though I lost the one friend who I thought cared I existed, I’m still trudging along anyway. One foot in front of the other. One day at a time.
Look, it’s not always easy to find your path in life, but I promise you you’re not walking it alone. I, at least, have heard your story. So whether you like it or not, there will be one person who will miss you if you’re gone. Those problems you’ve got? Not insurmountable. I’m quite overweight myself, and I’ve been trying to lose fat for over a year. Haven’t really lost much so far, but believe me, sometimes it helps just to be *doing* something about it.
Most of us depressed people need to put on that happy face. Because usually the rest of the world doesn’t understand. And won’t care even if they knew. But we understand. And we care. So you’ve got us, at least. Don’t go just yet. Look around you Figgy. We’re walking the road with you.
Though not meant for me, this struck a chord. I was seeping into the “how am i going to just die” mode and was jolted back to “it’s time to keep moving” when I thought of the someone i truly care about.