Felling hopeless

Darkness, my friend

Breathless, and tired has become a regular feeling, the darkness taking over the light within. Shadows of my past, the skeletons in my closet and the words that left scars, over flow, leaving me grasping for help. Unable to move, to face the day, I lay there in quiet, letting the shadow take all my goodness and innocence and leave me empty and hollow. Rushing through my days in a haze, forcing a smile onto my exhausted face so that no one can see that I’m falling. Smiling, laughing and hiding, leaves me feeling weak and small, I am just gliding through life hoping one day it will get better. Praying that I can repairs my broken pieces, because who wants to love a girl who’s broken with scars. I’m supposed to be the strong one, the one who gives a helping hand, the shoulder to cry on or the friend that just listens. Buts who’s going to be strong for me? Who will hold my hand while I cry and tell me it’s going to be okay? The questions I repeat in my mind each second, of each day. Darkness has become my friend, has become my friend that reminds me daily that I’m not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not skinny enough and not worth while. My dear friend whispers this in my ears every moment, while my friend tries to rip me apart limb by limb. The lesson I learned at a young age was, it is better to be a fool, to not have your eyes open to how cruel and cold this world is, I wish I could just be a fool. Instead I have darkness and hopelessness keeping me company at night, tears to keep me warm and doubt to get me through my days. Again, who’s going to be strong for me? Who is going to protect me from myself?