I’ve just been wondering about this question, so yeah, as the title already says, what’s keeping you alive?
Family? Friends? Something you don’t wanna miss?
For me, I guess it’s mainly my family, because I couldn’t imagine just leaving them here with all this shit that I created and they have to pay for in the end.
They really don’t deserve it.
The second would be that I’m just too fucking ***** to actually do it. I have to admit, even though life is Hell on Earth already, I’m still afraid of what comes after death. Whether I have to regret it or not.
Besides this little God damn spark of hope just doesn’t want to get extinguished. Even though I desperately try to get rid of it, it constantly keeps me thinking, that in some time my life might change and it could be awesome and great fun. But it really is depressing and exasperating to see it getting smaller and smaller every single day but yet not being completely burned out.
I hate that all, as well as I hate myself…
12 comments
What is keeping me alive? Good Question. 1) psych meds. 2) fear of another failed suicide attempt. 3) Hope that things are getting better. 4) women 5) my friends 6) my family 7) my belief in God
that is the basic list. Its not necessarily in perfect order but those are the main reasons I am going on. If you took away those things. Forget it I would be a dead man for sure.
Fear of failing, of pain, of what lies beyond, of emptiness and void.
Hope of getting better, that “that next date doesn’t go bad”, that I find a good job I will like, that I will live a life which I can like.
Curiosity of what will come tomorrow, what will come after the next big test, whenever I get the next degree, where will I work, if I ever get a loving relationship, if I ever finish my book and publish it.
I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but neither family nor friends are exactly the reasons I haven’t done it yet. Sure my brother interrupted my last attempt, but I still don’t know if he even realizes what was going to happen that night. The main impact my family on has on me is that I don’t want them to find my body, if (when) I finally do it.
My boyfriend and my daughter. I keep delaying in order to spend time with them – not out of guilt, but because I want to be with them.
One week ago I would have said something like “Fear of pain, fear of the unknown, ability to enjoy a few things I have left in life.”
Now? I dunno. Maybe the same…. maybe nothing.
just the wait for a break in the weather so i can do what needs to be done.
saudade07 I hope that things turn around for you. I can understand your position… but I hope that things get better so that you dont have to go there.
I wish you the best
Loss aversion and the endowment effect.
Fear. I know I deserve Hell but I still don’t want to experience it.
And I guess family, friends. Not much else. Depends on the day. Or the hour.
The hate of or lives, self, keeps us searching for the ultimate out while stumbling along the unknown path. We all have the similar thoughts an want the same. Just OFF. We live another day to seek that ultimate, despite it all. Depression haunts the brain. We struggle to rationalize anything. We want gone but fear what’s left. Its like we can cover the poop well enough to let go.
I would say hell… For sure. Every time I think I can’t take it any more, I keep going. I don’t want to be here. If I didn’t think hell was real, I wouldn’t be here. When I was a little kid, it wasnt that I was too scared, I think. It was like I wanted to do it and my brain was like, arm, do it, but then my arm was like no… Truly unique experience. Did you know that with the force it takes to bite through a baby carrot, you can chomp off one of your fingers… But if you tried it right now, you literally couldnt
My parents. They already lost a child and wouldn’t survive another loss. Not to mention they would have to pay my $100,000+ in student loan debt. I couldn’t strap them with that. Other than that, I can’t think of another reason to stay alive.
Even though Im not quite sure why I have any………. Hope…hope keeps me alive. Hope that the depression will go away. Hope that things will get better. Hope that someday somehow I will stop feeling the loathing I have for life and this world.