im so tired of everything

m so tired.like seriously tired. I have the worst family,friends,luck,everything. Ive been through physical and emotional abuse from my dad. My dad is one pain in the ass,hes an alcoholic,he yells at everyone,he doesnt respect my mom and me. Etc etc etc the list could go on and on. I hate him i hate seeing him i hate hearing him i hate everything about him and i know some people would scold me for this because no matter what hes my dad but Ive done everything to be patient and understand him but i just fucking cant. I hate how he makes my mom suffer. My mom cant even leave him and I will mever understand why the fuck shes still staying with him. I love my mom but i just hate the fact that she doesnt think about what im feeling,what does she even think about me like Im a freaking robot or something. All she does is nag,dictate me in what I do and compare me to my freaking dad. She doesnt even encourage me and shes all I have,like shes all im trusting cause shes my mom.Ive been through a lot,ive been diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer and i just got a operation and i feel like shit. My whole body feels like shit and everything in this house is making me feel worse. My dad even scolded me for getting cancer on my thryoid,he said its karma for all the talking back i did to him. I dont even know what to think i just wish i was dead. What did i even do to deserve going through all of these. I cant even recall a happy memory that I can treasure since i was young. All i have is anger,fear etc etc. I grew up in a catholic family and All i could think about is i just wish god would stop torturing me. Like i wish he would give me a break.I wanna ask him what the hell he wants from me. I honestly dont even know anymore. Im just so fed up and im so fucking tired of everything.