I’m very new to this, suicidal forum.. straight to the point.. It’s not that I am going to or really have the urge to commit suicide. It’s the constant thought popping into my head. I will catch myself fantisizing of the idea. But these questions always rush to mind. Should I end it? What will happen to my boyfriend, family and friends? Who would show up at my viewing or funeral? How can I make the death fast and 100% effective? I’m not sure why I take the time to give deep thought if I’m contemplating to die.. can someone help me understand where I stand, what I should do? Extra information: 22 yr old female, rough past, burned every bridge possible, no desire to become someone or something.
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From what Ive read, and from my perspective, it sounds like you dont necessarily want to die, by youre not a fan of life right now either. Youre thinking about what effect your death would have on your loved ones, but youre also concerned about the best ways to kill yourself. Suicidal Ambivalence, at the very least, a depressive episode. have you told anyone about your feelings, or are you keeping them to yourself?
I’m pretty new to this aswell so that makes two of us. Open up to someone about it and just have a conversation about it. Thoughts like these shouldn’t be something you keep to yourself but before you say something make sure it’s with someone who cares for you deeply. At first I had those thoughts and I did open up to someone who didn’t give me the time of day and they made a joke out of it.
I know it sounds silly but try to motivate yourself to do something simple like making your bed in the morning. I do this because I know when I’m stressed or thinking about something like this a clean space makes me feel a little bit better. Try doing something which works for you to keep your mind at bay.
I wish you the best in the future and hope you follow, if not my advice, someone else’s.