Author

AKidWithAName

I'm just a fuck-up. That's all you need to know.

I’m Really Sorry

by AKidWithAName 8/17/2016

written by AKidWithAName

I don’t want to live. There is absolutely no point in it. No matter what I do, my parents will never be proud of me. I know that this is a shitty reason. It sounds shitty. It sounds like I’m over-exaggerating. It sounds like I don’t understand.

But the thing is, I do understand. My parents want the best for me, which is more than I should be able to ask for. But, I am a selfish and discontent human being. I want something to go my way. I’m not right. There’s something wrong with me. That’s probably just me trying to get attention. Ahahahahhaha […]

8/17/2016 2 comments

Conversations With Myself

by AKidWithAName 5/30/2016

written by AKidWithAName

I feel like I don’t really exist. I feel like an asshole everytime I do anything, whether it is right or wrong. I can’t do anything. I don’t want to do anything. I want to do something. I have to do something. Is living that something? No, it couldn’t be. I don’t deserve to live. I don’t deserve to die. I don’t deserve anything. Everyone always gives advice, but it’s shitty and never works. I can’t believe that I actually trusted them. I can’t believe that I trust myself. I can’t […]

5/30/2016 7 comments

I’m Sorry. I’m such a Bloody Nihilist.

by AKidWithAName 5/29/2016

written by AKidWithAName

I’ve realized something of late, something that fucks me over every time I even think about it. I never realized how much of a bloody nihilist I am. It’s disgusting. Some people have a real reason to become a nihilist (though it’s never a good thing), but there is no reason for me to be this much a a bloody misanthrope and cynic. I disgust myself by simply living, I disgust myself by thinking of suicide. I can’t win against myself, and I am not sure I want to.

Of late, I findmyself wanting to read, wanting to write, […]

5/29/2016 4 comments

I Don’t Quite Know How To Feel

by AKidWithAName 5/28/2016

written by AKidWithAName

Today was the first day in months that I have gone to bed with a calm conscience. I feel out of place and joyous and all these things that are both great and terrifyingly new. I can’t even remember what it was like to sleep with a clear conscience.

I am well aware and will be the first to say that I am undeserving of this clear conscience. I am terrible, but I suppose my underlying narcissism is here to aid me to sleep. I’m so ridiculously, even though I know tomorrow will be a living hell for me. I don’t […]

5/28/2016 2 comments

Well, Here Goes Something

by AKidWithAName 5/7/2016

written by AKidWithAName

I am sorry for literally everything upsetting I have done in my life. I keep screwing everything up for everyone, and I’m sorry. I won’t let people help me, and I’m sorry. If this letter of self-pity is terribly written, I’m sorry.

I always say I’m sorry about everything, and I don’t think anyone believes me. I promise that I truly am. So, if someone who knows me for the worthless mass of pity that I am, I’m sorry.

I’m probably gonna screw myself over tonight, and with any luck, I won’t wake up in the morning. I […]

5/7/2016 1 comment

Sorry. II

by AKidWithAName 5/7/2016

written by AKidWithAName

I’m honestly sorry anyone’s even attempting to read this load of self-pity.

Am I really just a dog? I can’t be, my family likes dogs. So what does that make me? My brother and sister both talk to me as if I were a dog. My parents stand by and either continue it, or tell me to stop being such a baby about it. I know that at the end of the day, I am nothing and furthermore that my family sees me and recognizes the same thing; I am worthless.

I’ve honestly got the best friends I […]

5/7/2016 4 comments

Sorry.

by AKidWithAName 5/3/2016

written by AKidWithAName

I’m really sorry to anyone who wastes their time reading this, so I’ll try to make it short.

I am not a necessity, nor a nicety, so why do I continue to roam this bloody earth in hopes of finally being wanted. I’m not wanted now, I wasn’t wanted in the past, and I can’t help but think that I won’t be wanted in the future. I’ m a liar, an accident, an attention whore, a know-it-all, and just an all-around piece of shit. Why am I even still alive?

If it’s not a problem for anyone reading this, would you […]

5/3/2016 2 comments

A Few Last Words From The Biggest Fuck-Up On This Site

by AKidWithAName 6/26/2015

written by AKidWithAName

Does anyone else here feel like two different people, or am I alone? I don’t know anymore.

There’s the me that realizes life is fantastic and pretty awesome, the side of me that tells me to enjoy life while I have it. Then there’s the side of me that is realistic and tells me the honest truth: I am a mistake. I’m not supposed to be here. I don’t deserve all the wonderful people in my life. I only screw things up. I am forgiven too often. I wish I could give my life to someone who deserved […]

6/26/2015 4 comments

by AKidWithAName 6/25/2015

written by AKidWithAName

Well, if anyone cares, here it is:

When I was in 5th grade (age 10), my father was deployed to Afghanistan for 6 months. During these 6 months, my mother drank every night. Because she didn’t take care of me or my siblings, I attempted to take care of them to the best of my ability. Needless to say, I failed miserably. We also didn’t go to church at all during these 6 months, because our mother didn’t take us. When my dad got back, I got in trouble for not raising my siblings correctly and not taking them to church […]

6/25/2015 6 comments

It Looks A Little Hopeless, Hopefully It’s Not

by AKidWithAName 6/23/2015

written by AKidWithAName

I recently have been feeling more screwed up than usual. I am honestly amazed that I haven’t been asked to leave my house. I am making my family’s life miserable, but they still attempt to love me. I wish that I could be a better person. We all know that it’s my fault that my family’s a mess at this point. I literally am a waste of space.

There are only a couple things keeping me on this earth:
1. My friend and her mom. They are the nicest people I have ever met, and they are […]

6/23/2015 4 comments

Whatever.

by AKidWithAName 6/5/2015

written by AKidWithAName

Well, I don’t know what I am doing here. I have officially ruined everyone I am close to’s life. I had a best friend, the only one I’ve ever had, and I ruined it by being an ass. No surprise here. My family is so awesome, and I keep messing it up for them. I can’t stop, either. I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time, and I’ve basically lost all control of myself. I ruined my life a long time ago, but I deserved that. I don’t know how to stop. How does […]

6/5/2015 1 comment

The Actual Truth About My Life

by AKidWithAName 6/20/2014

written by AKidWithAName

Maybe suicide is the solution. Everyone always says it’s not, but nobody but me is actually worthless. Every other person in this world has worth and I can see that in them. But then, I look at me and I see nothing but worthlessness. I am not worth anything to anyone and if you don’t know me, you can’t say that “you would be sad if I died”, because I can guarantee that if you met me, you would think I am annoying, stupid, worthless, ugly, etc. Everyone else always has. you don’t have to deny it. There’s […]

6/20/2014 8 comments

WHY CAN’T I JUST DIE?!?

by AKidWithAName 6/2/2014

written by AKidWithAName

Well, it’s officially clear. I am absolutely worthless and can’t do anything right.

I try to make people laugh, and it is instantly qualified as “begging for attention”, unless someone else does/says it, in which case, it’s hilarious.

I try to help out around the house and I get in trouble for not doing it right and yelled at because I am not my brother or sister.

I try to be myself and I get hated for it.

If I were to list all of the things I did wrong, the list would go on forever. I am a worthless screw-up and the world would […]

6/2/2014 2 comments

If…

by AKidWithAName 5/27/2014

written by AKidWithAName

If I were to die, who would care?

I’m sure someone would care, for a few minutes, but honestly, who would really take it to heart because I meant something?

My family might care for a minute, but they would forget about me, probably within a week.

I don’t really have any friends, and I know why. I am a jerk. I am worthless and stupid and I have no purpose. So, the people who are “friends” with me are friends with me out of pity. They would probably be better off if I died.

I honestly can’t think of anyone who would […]

5/27/2014 2 comments

Contemplating Death

by AKidWithAName 5/27/2014

written by AKidWithAName

I never thought it would come to this
I never thought I would cry
But now I’m finally broken
And now I want to die.

5/27/2014 0 comment

Newer Posts

Older Posts