thats how my life feels like. im dangling off a cliff with one hand barely holding on…i can hardly push myself back up. sooner or later im letting go.
i come home from the pool, i walk in the house and my sister is already waiting she pulls me by my arm to my room and slams the door behind me. pushes on me looks dead in the eye and says through clenched teeth”***** i hate u, ur ugly, u r weird, what u need to do is take a gun to ur head and pull the trigger. i will be so happy when ur dead. its what all of us want u know thats true. so tonight either i take a sharp knife and slit your throat or u do it with a […]
i wish i had anything on hand to off myself right now i just cant take it anymore. sadly i dont:/
exactly how feel all the time..but i see it as, me fortunate enough to get the death sentence. like thats ganna happen? i try and try to get out it never works. im stuck in hell of earth as a prisoner but i will never be set free…this sucks:/
if i wasnt such a whore. if i wasnt such a smart-ass. if i was the same goody goody i was couple years back. i’d take it everything back just to live in peace.
my best friend wont let me out. i want away and im done with this world. ha every other post i write is either how amazing or awful my bf is..tonight its both….i love him SO MUCH, yet all ive done is cry since he came back. idk anymore, he was a reason to save me now he is reason to send me away. i wont win, he wont. i want to win i want to DIE die die die die. never do i have o anything under harsh orders again..im done but wait im stuck here..best friend wont let me die, he makes so […]
suicide or living?
suicide: hurts others
living: hurts me
god fucking damn it i cant win. please let me die i cant go on with life its too painful. i neva once thought this is the life i’d get iwould do anything to not be miserable..so what will it be..friends have been silent all day..but i still dont know. suicide a no go? i may try but chances of success…i actually doubt it. im stuck here in hell. LET ME OUT!!!!!
i have been in 5 other long distance relationships and this one with u is the hardest. probably cuz my love for all 5 others combined doesnt equal the love i have for u, i love the way we both dream of us being face to face one day, how u say i mean more to u then ur life, how u say u wanna mary me, how u make me feel incredibly happy when i hear from u how no matter the distance its always like im right next to u how every morning when im bout to wake up i think ur right […]
so i love swimming, i realized why i love it so much. the water. the pool in my neighborhood is HUGE and the area around it is big to i love to run from the gate and a huge leap in the air and be swallowed by the water while im under water thoughts rush through my mind and i can think. its so peaceful and i feel safe. i love swimming but only under water, the feeling of be short of air,the calmness of not hearing anyone call my name to do stuff for them. its amazing. nothing else like it. i love the […]
how much i want away from my clearly messed up dysfunctional what i wish i didnt call: family:/
1) my bf
2) my best friend.
if i didnt have them, i’d have no problem leaving. but since i do, suicide is becoming impossible.
so dad comes home and shows me this cut on his his wrist and its pretty deep i asked him where that come from? he grabbed my arm and looked me dead in the eyes “i did cuz of u” im taking it he is joking but it hurt
ok so i thought i just put everything bout my family in one post.
My dad: drug addict. been high for bout 30 years, off pain killers from his multiple surgeries. when he has been off i can tell cuz he is nice i know when he is taking them cuz his patience is screwed over and he is a dick. he has depression also.
My mom: is an assumer she will never listen to me i will be in the middle of a sentence and she automatically thinks the worst case scenerio. causing ***** fight after ***** fight. when she is stressed she turns […]
omg, so the ***** and i r home alone, she tells me to do HER chores. well i did them for her the past 3weeks im tired of it. so i said no then she threatened to beat me with the belt,so i tore it out of her hands and pushed her to the ground. she screamed “ABUSER ABUSER!”and called 911!!! omfg! ***** r u fucking stupid. luckily nothing happened but still she is so stupid. well yeah i hate her. think shes an angel? hang around her. she is a *****. SHE IS SATANS ***** DAUGHTER. she can go to hell. its her home.
to describe what i can say bout how i feel at the moment is: FUCK
why why why why why why why WHY FUCKING WHY!? are you so mean. i asked u for my mascara back..so u chuck out your door and it hits me right in the eye. it hurt seriously like fuck. u look at me and say “aww is poor baby ganna cry? what a loser” then u grab a belt and beat me with it. “hahahaha now u can cry over that” which i was. “yay yay! your in pain. this is my favorite day ever!” my mom: yeah she’s just watching all this and laughing. oh oh oh..and u pushed me into the wall and […]
they say fuck u
i say fuck them
they say go to hell
i say u go first
they say i have no guts to kill myself
i say watch me
they say i need them
i say look where i am with u
they say shut up
i say why dont u
they say we dont need u here
i say i dont need u either
they say they love me
i say thats FUCKING BS!
yes everything above has actually been parts of conversations i have with them, i honestly cant live with them no more. i need away from them…before its […]
ok, so ima say tonight NEVER happend. i LOVE my bf, too much, even if hehurts me..oh well. well 8 hrs ago i was asked out by the guy who denied asking to have sex me. well what the hell? at first i said no, then i wanted to see how much fun i can have for once so i got ready and walked down to his place, so we went to the movies and he is ULTRA flirty, i guess he still likes me. the whole time im thinking “dont fall, i have a bf, play it cool” well then we hung at his […]
she may look like an angel. a lot of people think so, become me. and u get to see who she really is. she’s cruel and hurtful
i hate her. so much. she is so mean! its hard to explain, how cruel and twisted she is. she claims how much she wants me in pain..if better she wants me dead. WHY? i have always wanted a sister. to laugh and hang out with. i respect her i deserve her to respect me too. nope i got a ***** instead. now its manipulative, she wants to see pain in others. i cant even stop thinking of how fucked she is. god. my sister, if i dont watch her eat, watch tv, listen to her, if i dont do HER chores. i will pay […]