Author

GTSuicide_6

No Emergency.

by GTSuicide_6 3/18/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

I got sent to the E.R today for suicidal thoughts.

NO.

Don’t tell me its alright.

My parents called me a big problem. They are angry at me. My mom said she wanted to buy shoes and now she can’t because “I did all this”. My sister said I’m being a stupid teenager. My father and mother said that I was doing all this intentionally so I can go see how a psychologist works, because I like psychology. My mom said that she feels bad for my sister because my sister wanted to go out the the mall, and they had to get called to the hospital. My […]

3/18/2016 23 comments

Pills.

by GTSuicide_6 3/12/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

How do I get my hands on antidepressants?

As in, how do I get the psychologist to prescribe me antidepressants? Its literally the only thing I went in for. I want to see if real pills will affect anything overtime, not those, “TODAY I WANT YOU TO TRY AND…”

I want some real, accurate method. Is there any way? What can I say? I don’t want to directly ask, what if they think I’m, I don’t know, forcing it for the wrong reasons? I don’t know at all. It was the main reason why I went for a psychologist. To see if real help will come my […]

3/12/2016 8 comments

Stop Smiling.

by GTSuicide_6 3/11/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

I know I brought this up several times already, but this happens with me often, with my guidance or anyone really. Happened with the psychologist today. You know when they bring up suicide or something dire like that, you can’t help but *smile* or *laugh*.

God its embarrassing. I guess its to take the pressure off, since its a heavy topic. Or maybe its because we all have to laugh at a topic like that. Its possible, in my case, I felt like crying so bad, that all I can manage is a laugh or smile.

Its stupid. I tried so hard not to smile or laugh. […]

3/11/2016 4 comments

It Stings.

by GTSuicide_6 3/11/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

This may seem like a minor problem at the moment,

But (I’ve mentioned) while seeing psychologist today, when she left, I took the moment to badly harm myself.

But see, I never hurt my wrist because its very evident and I don’t like wearing long sleeves 24/7, and it interferes with everything (the pain), and above all, its so horribly painful there afterwards, so usually when I’m doing ordinary tasks it stings like hell.

i wanna take a shower but….

Dear lord…

Any advice?

3/11/2016 7 comments

Its Called Improving.

by GTSuicide_6 3/11/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

I cut while the psychologist left the room. For seconds, then minutes.

And, God does it hurt.

My first step to improvement.

Yay.

*Hint: sarcasm.

3/11/2016 3 comments

Laugh. Or Lie.

by GTSuicide_6 3/11/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

“You’ll promise me you wont kill yourself, right? You promise me? Not anytime soon, right?”

*Laughter*

It was the awkward kind of laughter; the funny one for the wrong reasons. The laughter of embarrassment, but all you can manage to muster out is a laugh. And smile. Not the cruel kind of laughter; where you’re teasing the person- getting them concerned.

That’s what I said to the psychologist today.

Or, whatever she was. Of course I promised her.

I have to give her credit, she figured out the date all by herself. She’s pretty smart.

Here’s my advice to you: If the psychologist’s trynna get some answers out of you that […]

3/11/2016 14 comments

Dead or Alive; ?

by GTSuicide_6 3/9/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

I haven’t been doing OK,

but I have been feeling, “OK”.

And I wonder why. Yes, I am still suicidal, crying all night and day, cutting everyday.

But, during the days and nights, I haven’t been feeling, “numb.”

I have been “OK”. I haven’t felt a deep dark pit swelling inside of me. I think I realized how fine I was recently after reading posts here about how some people are very sad at the moment.

So whats the change? Why am I OK?

I’m not sure. However, I do notice my happiness comes from wondering about suicide.

As some may know, in a month I plan to end it all. And […]

3/9/2016 2 comments

My Guilt.

by GTSuicide_6 3/5/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

My guilty sentiments are very vulnerable.

Everything makes me feel guilty.

From the smallest things like knocking over a pencil,

To blaming myself for the Holocaust,

I don’t kid.

I am burdened with my own blame. My own Guilt.

Everything makes me guilty.

I am the cause of everything bad and I deserve to die horribly.

What the most recent experience? Take ten seconds ago. A peer at my school e-mailed me asking what questions we had to do for class. I wish I wrote down her parts on my paper, not just mine. But I only wrote my parts, because its only my responsibility, right?

Wrong.

I’m a selfish bastard who only considered myself […]

3/5/2016 4 comments

I’m Just Trynna Let This Out.

by GTSuicide_6 3/5/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

I have an English persuasive speech due.

Not to worry, its for the 7th of April,

I’ll be dead on the 6th.

We still have to do the work. All the writing and stuff. This gives me extreme anxiety. My heart keeps racing. I’m very panicked. Practice it in front of our class, get graded on it.

Wanted to do it on Euthanasia, but its going to be legalized soon here, so whats the point in going FOR it?

I’d go against it, but what arguments can I possibly have?

I’m very stressed.

This persuasive essay thing gives me so much anxiety.

I can’t eat or sleep or think. I feel horrible.

I’d kill […]

3/5/2016 4 comments

Post About Post

by GTSuicide_6 3/2/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

I hate doing this; making a post about a post,

but can somebody please out there read the most recent post I wrote, titled, “Help Myself.”

Please someone.

3/2/2016 0 comment

Help Myself.

by GTSuicide_6 3/2/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

I wrote a previous post about me finally having the opportunity to see a psychologist. I also mentioned how I am going to end it all in a month.

Please hear me out:

I want the answers. I want to hear it from a real psychologist, the things I have. I want to know if there’s something else. I want to know if I have OCD or if its something else that makes me react at times. I want to hear the doctor confirm that, yes, I do have depression. Yes, I do have something. Yes, all my self-diagnosing was correct. I want to hear that I […]

3/2/2016 10 comments

Getting Help.

by GTSuicide_6 3/2/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

I’m finally going to go see a psychologist.
I set up a meeting for next week.
I don’t know why I am doing this. If most of y’all have followed some of my posts, I stated my decision to end it all in a month.
I guess I just want to hear the problems directly. You know, self diagnosing? I say, before I die, I want to hear it formally. A real diagnosis.
How can I really die if I’ve never heard a professional confirm it?
But hearing it all is, ultimately, not what I want either.
Its just another reason to point out and […]

3/2/2016 5 comments

:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

by GTSuicide_6 3/2/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

I can’t even make a post.I’m so broken right now. I’m so sad. ;(

3/2/2016 6 comments

Take My Side

by GTSuicide_6 3/1/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

How the hell can I do it. How the hell will I do it? They’ll care.

I don’t want them to care. Dear lord I don’t want them to care. God….

1 more month, and…

Oh Dear God…Help me. 🙁 ;( ;( ;( ;( ;( ;( ;( ;( ;( ;(

3/1/2016 5 comments

Lamest Question.

by GTSuicide_6 2/29/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

IS there any way on SP to view your replies on other peoples’ posts?

Like, all the previous replies you’ve made for other posts, is there a way to find those?

2/29/2016 5 comments

Whats the Bigger Issue?

by GTSuicide_6 2/28/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

I was wondering if there was anyone who can relate to this:

You’d think that after so much shit in this world, and the major issues that piss you off, that the little things don’t matter anymore.

But for me its the opposite:

I get pissed off and angrier or sadder if sudden tinier obstacles come along my way.

Which I don’t expect at all. I mean, larger issues bother me to no end, but you’d think that after a while we build a tolerance to these larger problems and we become oblivious to the tinier things But nope, the smaller issues become the most frustrating, at this point.

Tell me […]

2/28/2016 13 comments

Excitement For The Wrong Reasons.

by GTSuicide_6 2/28/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

Do any of y’all ever get excited about the planning as well as the aftermath considering your suicide?

I get excited. I am excited. I know I shouldn’t be, but I am.

… In one more month…

And yet I feel guilty for feeling this.

Please offer me some opinions about this.

2/28/2016 19 comments

Something In The Middle.

by GTSuicide_6 2/26/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

“death

deTH/

noun

…the end of the life of a person or organism. “

I feel there’s a minor difference between being dead and not being alive.

In truth, nobody wants to die; to face death; to end our lives.

In broader terms, I just think we don’t want to live life; to be alive. But its still not death we wish for.

In clearer terms, we solely wish to not experience living. None of us want to experience death either.

Think of it as getting the opportunity to merely watch our lives on TV. We’ll witness, but we wish not to experience. We’ll hear, but we wish not to listen. We’ll see, but we […]

2/26/2016 5 comments

What Hurts The Most:

by GTSuicide_6 2/22/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

Its writing here, on Suicide Project, waiting for someone to be out there.

But no one is.

And its like all you feel is the worst kind of loneliness……..

2/22/2016 19 comments

Starting With Myself Is Hopeless.

by GTSuicide_6 2/22/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

I’m just overflowing with sadness right now.

I am always, but especially right now.

I posted this 3 times already, but the concert I had attended was called, “WE DAY,” an entertaining show with dancers, singers, and speakers to come together in order to celebrate giving back to the community/ world. Helping out others, making this world amazing day by day.

It was very inspirational. I have to admit. I felt I COULD have a place in this world to make it better…

But the entire time I listened, I thought:

“I can’t even help myself…How can I help others?”

2/22/2016 2 comments

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