Hi again everyone
Everyday, i just want to..
Bash myself
Cut myself really deep
Burn myself
Choke myself
Stab myself
Kill myself
Fill myself with never ending pain.
Cause it’s what i deserve, it’s what i need.
I want to do it, but i can take the lead.
Gumpy
i wish i had never told anyone about anything. Really, there’s not much to tell. God, what was i trying to do, help myself? Now i’ve got my damn nice parents caring about me -.- I should be grateful for this, a lot of people would love caring parents they can talk to, but they’re going to help me. I really don’t want this and sure don’t deserve it. Just if i kept my little snappy mouth shut i wouldn’t be this stressed. Man, you would think that help would help, but a hell not it doesn’t. I might as well kill myself in a […]
Bullying affects soo many people, and some, the way to deal with it is suicide. Some people are brought up in a household where there aren’t happy gatherings, where there is domestic violence, to the woman, and the children are abused, bashed. Some people are lonely. Have no freinds, family, attention. Where the view from their eyes are empty. There are people who are sexual assaulted, raped. Where they are used for sex and torture. There are people who get kidnapped, lets say, kept by a pedo for many years. Where they are tortured with rape, bad living, and are alone with fear. There are […]
Things have gone worse. But, that’s probably good for me. I talked to the school counsellor the other day, and honestly it didn’t help. She’s going to tell my parents. That is why i didn’t want to go in the first place -.- She thinks i suffer with some depression, but it’s probably not a bad one. It’s not like i have trouble sleeping or anything. I’m going downhill, but then i guess that means i’m going uphill in a way. Me suffering is a good thing. It’s meant to be. I’ve lost interest in everything i loved, in food even. I only really eat […]
All i can think about is suicide. In the daytime, at school, at home, in the shower, outside, and especially at when i go to bed. Does anyone else think of suicide that much? It’s strange, there’s really not much to think about it, but i can’t think about anything else. My 2 friends, the only people i’ve told, say i should talk to the school counseller. Should i go? I mean, maybe it’ll help, maybe it won’t. But i don’t like talking to people about my ‘problems’ and i don’t want it to get to my parents, i don’t want them to worry about […]
So, next year, i’m going to fucking kill myself. Why? i have no fucking idea. I’m SICK of my crap. I’m sick of this depression and social anxiety. I’m sick of myself. I’m sick of being invisible and lonely. I’m sick of thinking this way. I’m sorry to everyone who actual gave a fuck about me, when i’m gone things’ll be better for you. I guess, i’m making a big mistake and i’m sinning by doing this. And from seeing people, like in Africa, who are going through war, starvation and for the woman, who go through sooo much and get raped. Grr, it makes […]
Oh god, who do i think i am? What exactly is my problem? I’m so confused and angry with myself. Sometimes, i mean most times, when i try to do my hair and everything, i just look in the mirror and burst out crying and get really frustrated by pulling on hair, hurting myself and swear at myself. Grrrr i hate being me -.- Sometimes, i might be happy, slightly happy anyway. And for some reason, i miss being sad and something just doesn’t feel right. And then i remember the bad days that’ll come soon and i get anxiety. Man, i’m retarded.
God, i’m so […]
One day, there was an egg. An egg of an emperor penguin. From time to time, it would twitch and wobble, but it never hatched until the end of the second spring. A crack, a split, and the little bird was free. He caught the first glimpse of the world. The golden sun, the strangely marble blue skies, the glistening white snow and lanky icebergs- It was truly fascinating to him. He took his first steps and with wide, gilt eyes, the twirls of the air pushed him off his feet. The cold breeze made him shiver, even with dappled, grey fur. The dusky night […]
The dark side’s path is always so much shorter. The light side’s path is so much longer. But, being happy is always an option, it’s just so much work to get there. That’s why being sad seems like the only option, because the path is only a few steps to the dark side. When the sound has faded and the dark has overcome our eyes, we’re sad. But why can’t there be rainbows and butterflies everywhere? Why can’t EVERYONE be happy? Because being happy takes work and it can’t always just appear in front of your eyes. Life is like a rollercoaster, it’s got its […]
So, you’re lonely and feel worthless. What does that tell you? That all you can see is the negatives about yourself. Every single person in the world has something good about them. God made you for a reason. For example, at my school, there are the ‘losers’, the people who get bullied and struck down. There is a kid at my school who has a medical condition and people would probably call him ‘a loser’. But how can they call him that when he’s the nicest person you’ll ever meet. And the kid is so strong and is always happy even if he does have […]
I’m so sick of being ‘me’. The imperfect retard who has nothing better to do than be ugly. Last night, my bestfriend was begging me to go with her to the bonfire. I denied, because well my hair was all greasy and i had nothing to wear that wouldn’t make me look like a retard. As well, my social anxiety held me back, lots of people from my school was going to go. But, on the inside, i really, really would want to go, i could’ve gone to her place for a sleepover after as well. I can’t stand myself. Oh god, how i wish […]
Why is the dark so much closer than the light.
Why is something we want, we have to fight.
Why is the sun so far away.
Why doesn’t, why doesn’t it stay?
Why is the pain always there.
Why are they happy, it’s never fair.
Why am i always so very sad.
Did i do something, something so bad?
Why is there always a sort of kind of blue.
Why is it nothing, nothing to do.
Why can’t i be ever so splendour.
I need to do something, i need to surrender.
Why is the path always so long.
Why can’t i sing such a happy song.
Why are they always so mean.
Something’s funny, I’m not very keen.
Why can’t […]
I used to be a very happy child. I have to say, my childhood was the best. I probably wasn’t the best looking kid on the block, but i was too young to care. When you’re a kid, you don’t care what you look like, who your friends are, what clothes you wear, all that mattered was that you were loved. I had lots of friends, every girl in my classroom was my friend. I was shy, but i was always liked. I miss that. The only bad thing about my childhood was, it wasn’t exactly sexual assualted, but i was ‘touched’ lots of times […]
I’m so hungry. Why don’t i eat? It’s so stupid. There’s food but i can’t eat. Everytime i eat now, there is this really pressuring, annoying voice inside my head calling me fat and a big loser. I’m going to stop eating, except for dinner. I just think that if i don’t eat, i’ll be prettyier and skinnier. Not the most truest theory but i’ll try it anyway. Maybe it’ll make things better, maybe it won’t, but i don’t care. When i don’t eat, i feel really skinny and i don’t know why. I’ve got a stomach the size of a whale but when i […]
When the sun sparkles, it makes me glad. A gleam of a smile, it’s nothing like sad.
The flowers arise and the draft sways the trees. Â Mommy, can I go outside please?
A luminous colour of green showers the turf, oh how much I love the earth.
A crack. A cling. A noise from above.
The thunder breaks as I clench my velvet glove.
The sky dims over the splendour, I crouch down, am I the only to surrender?
The devious rain, slashing at my back, something’s coming, something I lack.
Mommy rushes over, gripping my arm. Runs to the house, takes me to the warm.
I look out the window, look out […]
I just got bored and thought i’d write this boring, meaningless post.
Let me tell you a little about myself.
My name is Anastasia or Anna for short. I’m a 14 year old girl without any good to be living. I live in Australia with my fantastic family and freinds. I like jazz, indie and rock music. Even though i hate Ed Sheeran, my favourite song is The A Team because it’s a sad song and has true meaning, it’s not about sex or love or any other crap that could never happen to me. My favourite animals are bears. I love painting and drawing and am […]
Here’s a song i found on youtube, this girl is an amazing singer and this song is pretty touching. Anyway, take a listen 🙂
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiLZAzXA4W0&feature=player_detailpage
I’m not in a good mood today. It was a P.E day. We had to dance with boy partners and most of all of them i had was wanting to switch partners, meaning, i’m an unenthusiastic, worthless creep. I was depressed all day over one little thing. i’m so ridiculous. I wanted to cut myself all day, it was so painful to be me. These things, negative comments, just triggered me to want to kill myself. Anyway, i have a plan to. I don’t mean to give people ideas, but i just wanna know if it’ll work. One idea was to take an overdose of […]
The mirror, the enemy of us all. I just stared. I looked at my ugly image and cried. Why am i so imperfect? i can’t bare it. Every inch of me theres some strange.. imperfection. If you asked what was wrong with me, i’d make a list of billions of things. “You’re not pretty, you are WORTHLESS!” i say to myself. I feel somewhat selfish writing this post, but i just want it to let me and everyone else know i hate myself, i bully myself. i’m not always in the mood, but i try to keep my mind off things. Watch something funny, eat […]
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