Author

hauntingyou

Don’t know what to do

by hauntingyou 10/25/2009

written by hauntingyou

I don’t know what to do anymore. Here’s why:

1: I’m a SI (self-injurer) and I just cannot seem to stop. No matter how hard I try. I have scars everywhere. I feel like a freak. I try to hide the scars, but everyone in school keeps asking me if I’m EMO. I hate it!!!

2: I have Anorexia Nevosa. I hate it!!! I just want to be beautiful. But when I look in the mirror……..all I see is this fat, ugly, horrible person. It never goes away!!! I never seem to sleep, even though I know I do. My aunt makes me eat. She’s been so […]

10/25/2009 3 comments

Terrified

by hauntingyou 7/24/2009

written by hauntingyou

I’m going to be camping for the next month or so. I’m excited, and terrified. I’m excited because I get to see my only friend for the first time in months. And I get to meet other kids from other countries. But I’m terrified because of my anxiety, sleeping issues, fears, and problems. I’m afraid of showing to much of my body. And that is a huge problem because we shower in the same room (not the same shower). And the bathroom stalls are so small it’s impossible to change in them. I HATE changing in front of people, even if their girls. I’m also […]

7/24/2009 1 comment

So tired and yet I cannot sleep.

by hauntingyou 7/23/2009

written by hauntingyou

Well, it’s 2:08 at night and I’m still awake. I’ve been in bed for 3 hours. I hate it when I’m so tired but I cannot sleep. I can never turn my mind off. I’ve never been able too. It drives me nuts. With my mind racing from thought to thought to thought………….it’s frustrating. Although, I’ve always been a “night owl”. But, not so much anymore. It’sÂ really not like it was when I was little. When I was little I could sleep for 6 hours and not be tired at all. And, I was a “night owl” because I never really was tired. But now, […]

7/23/2009 3 comments

Fear

by hauntingyou 7/22/2009

written by hauntingyou

As some of you may know, I was rapedÂ and abusedÂ by my cousin. I hate the fact that my family still has us see each other. And, I always have to choose between:

A: Not going to where ever we’re going as a family and miss out. Which also means not seeing my younger brother or my aunt.

B: Going, and be an anxious freak the whole time. End up crying afterward. And have a huge fear for days of him hurting me again.

I don’t think it’s fair that I have to choose. Like last Saturday, my aunt and I were supposed to go to my other aunts […]

7/22/2009 10 comments

Anxiety and fear

by hauntingyou 7/21/2009

written by hauntingyou

I have horrible anxiety. I’m not completely sureÂ why. But it’sÂ controlling my life. Or rather it affects my life. Greatly. Anyways, the reason why I’m so anxious all the time is because I was abused, raped, andÂ neglected as a child. Even though,Â technically speaking, I still am a child (I’m 13). The neglect had endedÂ 3 years ago. But theÂ abuse and rape went on until this past fall. Now it’s done. It’s gone.Â But I feel like it was just yesterday………… So, ya. I have been diagnosed with GAD. But I counselor said I don’tÂ need a medication for it. I also have alot of crazy and creepy fears. These […]

7/21/2009 8 comments

Mental Mishap

by hauntingyou 5/1/2009

written by hauntingyou

Yesterday, I went to school and my girlfriend came home with me. You see, we’re a lesbian couple and we go to an LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer or Questioning} youth group together every Thursday. Anyway, so we went to group yesterday. Group was alright until the unusual topic of rape and sexual assault came up into conversation. I started to get really, really upset and uncomfortable, so I had to leave. I went outside on the porch. A couple of seconds later Erica, the groups consular/supervisor, came out to talk to me. You see, she didn’t know about my sexual assault/rape and beating […]

5/1/2009 1 comment

Self-hate

by hauntingyou 4/29/2009

written by hauntingyou

OK, so probably most of you know I’m depressed and suicidal and stuff. But here’s something I haven’t told you yet (I believe). I hate myself. Emotionally and physically. From what I know, someone who hates themselves is called: self-hate. Although, I’m not really sure if that’s the true definition. Anyway, so I hate myself. I think that I’m a horrible person who is just……………selfish, greedy, ugly, and…………………..stupid. I know, if you meet me, you’d say I was the complete opposite from what I think of myself. I, from what I’ve been told, have no self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-concept. I really can’t explain what it’s […]

4/29/2009 2 comments

Lost

by hauntingyou 4/29/2009

written by hauntingyou

I have been depressed for almost 2 years now. I told my aunt that I was depressed about 1 year ago. The reason why I’m depressed will take me to long to explain, so if your wondering why, check the post that says: “Wishing, Waiting, Dieing”. Anyway, she took me to see a consular a couple of days after I told her how I felt. At that first meeting I was told that if I wasn’t better within the next month, I would be put on a depression pill. A month goes by, nothing. Another month goes by, nothing. I start to let the pain […]

4/29/2009 4 comments

Confusing and frustrating days……….

by hauntingyou 4/25/2009

written by hauntingyou

OK, so I’ve been depressed and stuff. My other post was “Wishing, Waiting, Dieing………” . Anyway, if you’ve already read that. Then you’ll understand this one alot more (probably). So, I’ve been really confused these past few weeks (besides depressed, suicidal, ect). First, I’m a lesbian and I have a girlfriend. But I’m not sure if I wanna be in a relationship right now. Because, as you know, I’m suicidal and I’m afraid that I may do something stupid (if you know what I mean) and hurt her. And I don’t want to hurt her. Although I know she will be hurt if I let […]

4/25/2009 0 comment

Wishing, Waiting, Dying……

by hauntingyou 4/25/2009

written by hauntingyou

It all started a year and a half ago when I came home from school to find out that my mother had died from an drug overdose earlier that morning. Being a daughter of an former alcoholic father and drug addict mother, I’ve had some hard times. From neglect to some form of abuse. From moving into a new house every couple of months with other family to watching my mother slowly die on the bathroom floor from an overdose – again. I’ve been through many things that some people would never experience. Or so I’ve been told. That was probably the worst day of […]

4/25/2009 1 comment