I’m sorry I couldn’t satisfy any of you with my death.
I scared of my future, my present, and my past. They are all stained with fear. I knew this person who said “One person can make a good chage”; half truth, half lie. That person forgot to tell me or tried to make it better at the moment, but made it worse at the end. One person can make a good change… But, one person can make a bad one; the worst part that both can be taken by the same person. I’m trying, I really am, I try to cope, but I don’t […]
LoversLoveLiarsLies
You wanted me perfect. It all started when I od on those diet pills because I saw no progress, until I started to faint, constantly. I try to gain wait, but slowly my weight decreases. The good thing is that I’m not skinny, just thin; the doctor says that since I don’t have the nutrients my body needs, it’s eating my body slowly. Somehow I noticed this change in my body; I started with this cold thing, I always felt cold and my body was actually cold. After a few months my hair wasn’t as soft and pretty like before, and then I started losing […]
I am a heart with no beat,
That only yearns for life,
A mind always buried,
In just way too much strife,
I am a broken spirit,
Longing for revive,
Living life everyday,
Wondering how to survive,
I am a lost smile,
That never dares to show,
Because no one understands,
What I am going through,
I wish nor to be so broken,
I wish to be strong,
I pray that thigs won’t stay this way,
That they won’t be so wrong.
I am a heart with no beat,
That only yearns for life,
A mind always buried,
In just way too much strife,
I am a broken spirit,
Longing for revive,
Living life everyday,
Wondering how to survive,
I am a lost smile,
That never dares to show,
Because no one understands,
What I am going through,
I wish nor to be so broken,
I wish to be strong,
I pray that thigs won’t stay this way,
That they won’t be so wrong.
I can’t take this anymore, or maybe I just don’t want to deal with it. I personally never thought love would make you feel broken or worthless. I used to think it was stupid. Somehow I made myself like others, thinking just way they did. I have never let myself fall in love, neither I wanted to. But just a few days you said the words plainly, no reasons, nor did I wanted to hear them. They’re cruel words, ‘break up’, makes you all clumsy, pretty useless. And then it all came to me, I needed you, in my daily life, because I was only […]
We as human, call it wishes that came true, when it’s really coincidence. Why can’t I cry ? Am I sick ? Probably, what will doctors say ? Depression ? Ha! I wish, what is pain for you ? Do you feel the same as I do ? Is it some pressure on your head when your neck and shoulder are tensed up, when you can’t cry anymore because nobody cares, or is it because people are so selfish they won’t help others ? Is it that feeling that breaks you completly till you are on the floor with head on your hands smoothing the […]
How ironic. You can’t be depressed or perfect, that’s not socially accepted, ever. So here I am, smiling and laughing for the good, faking, so they wont know. But I really haven’t smile for days, not letting a true laugh out. I haven’t even cried, for a couple of months now. My own feelings are killing me. I’ve stopped self injuring myself, ever since I stopped crying. But now, I’m falling, trembling as I walk, dying everyday a little more, from sadness and pain. I’m empty myself, not having any emotions at all, just faking. My mask is slowly falling appart, slowly letting my emptiness […]
I am a heart with no beat,
That only yearns for life,
A mind always buried,
In just way too much strife,
I am a broken spirit,
Longing for revive,
Living life everyday,
Wondering how to survive,
I am a lost smile,
That never dares to show,
Because no one understands,
What I am going through,
I wish nor to be so broken,
I wish to be strong,
I pray that thigs won’t stay this way,
That they won’t be so wrong.
It feels unbeliaveble.
My dream is something that might come true.
I was right there, outside my friend’s residence, which they have a pool, not for swimming just deep enough. It’s winter in there, I bent down and touch the water, it’s frezzing cold, icy but not frozen, yet. I stand up again and I see my other two friends. I kissed him on the cheek saying goodbye, and to the other she looks at me in pain so I hug her. His tears are falling and she keeps herself strong enough to hold them. I look back at the pool, trying to see the bottom […]
When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked.   Â
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problems, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I asked was that you listen-not talk or do-just hear me.
Advice is cheap;Â 50 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the […]
I wish
I am a heart with no beat,
That only yearns for life,
A mind always buried,
In just way too much strife,
I am a broken spirit,
Longing for revive,
Living life everyday,
Wondering how to survive,
I am a lost smile,
That never dares to show,
Because no one understands,
What I am going through,
I wish nor to be so broken,
I wish to be strong,
I pray that things won’t stay this way,
That they won’t be so wrong.
As title says it all.
If I don’t get myself enough numb for such pain and hurt I’ll be gone forever. I’m sure I’ll be alive for a while, I’ll manage and have felt the worst so I’m pretty sure I can handle it for a bit more. Even though if I can’t, I won’t think about it twice, I’ll just do it. I’m so tired of feeling this hurt in my mind, and feel enough pain in my soul too. I’ve heard that “The one that has felt pain, will gain stregth”. But I do not believe I’ve gained enough stregth, eventually I’m losing […]
I’m losing it, can’t hold it. No more. This feeling of pain, that’s what I wish I didn’t feld, but how can you not feel it when it’s basically what you have everfelt? My friends don’t have any idea about this hurt, this pain killing me, my family just gets it worst. My mask is falling, my faking mask is falling appart, I’ll keep smiling for them, even if tears come out too, I’ll keep smiling and say they’re happy tears. Life it’s not wonderful, neither grateful, just the opposite. Breathing gets harder everytime, just as faking, but I can stop breathing. Maybe just […]
As the title says, it is worthless for me to keep trying, to keep myself alive. I urge myself for dying, for finishing all this.
My parents hate me , they just think I’m disgraceful, but that’s not really the point, I really have got over it from saying that they wish I was never born. My friends do know a bit about my life, but not enough. I’m tired of faking smiles to make people think I’m doing good. What’s the point of keep going? Even if I have support from others it won’t help at all. I self injure quite a lot, and I […]