i follow every single rule in place for me, why can i get out of the fucking system? then you get these lucky bitches who get off and they are in no shape or place to be and they go and do drugs or illigal shit,while im working my ass off, i want to run far away,but the only people that would even look for me is the cops,im 21 years old,i feel like a slave, slaves had to fight for there freedom to and thats exactly what im doing,i want so much in life that the average person that walksd past me gets, that […]
,i only give people what they ask for,,but then you see these cold ass bitches roming this planet that are rude and mean toeveryone. people they never saw before, mean nomatter what,, they just walk past a random person and have to say the meanest shit possible,why?what is the point of being a ***** all the time? every second of every day??and some people iv met,i dont know what could make them such a mean cruel *****,iv been through pure hell,and atleast i dont try to ruine a random strangers day,, society is fucked up, and how are you sapost to think or look at […]
your entire life your told your crazy, while the ***** telling you that you are, is beating you to death in your own pool of blood,slamming your head into walls, floors,edges of bunkbed frames,doors,beating you in your privit parts, waiting untill your in the bathroom sitting on the toilet then she walks in and beats you there,tells you that you are nothing every single day of your life, meets guys off the internet, within two weeks, she moves in with them, and you find out , that they are child melesters, and your worker and your teachers that you tell every day dont ever do […]
i am so sick of people, nothing is ever fear, i am always the one out of everyone i know that gets treated less then humane, the outsider, the one that goes unheard,i try to be nice but then i get used and takin advantage of,then people wonder why i am the way i am,its the people in this world that turned me cold, stoped my heart from beating, i hate people, ill avoid them as much as possible, i hate people so much that i dont even want to be humane.people make me sick, and i hate this group home company, just fuck it […]
i realized ignorant people will only believe what they want to believe.only hear what they want to hear, and tell you how you feel when you dont even feel that way, tell you why you are doing something,when really thats not why you doing it at all,they say your arguing, when in reality,your just trying to explane your point, like they have been for the past hour, an a half,now, there is a difference between venting and complaining, i learned that it all depends on who you are talking to, someone that does not care about how bad you are hurting and whats going on […]
i cant stop thinking about it and i need to write it before i pass out from all the nighttime cough medicine i took,in a couple months i am sapost to have a blood test to see all my blood levels are good,and iron stuff like that,but i am on meds im sapost to be taking, and i havent took them in months,is it legal for them to look at other levels and stuff in your blood without you knowing, and if even if its for something picific, do they check everything?even wen they say its for one thing?
woke up pissed off,well i guess im just gonna have to drink more this time,i drink it last time and i started feeling sick as hell and started getting drifty,mabey i felt so sick because i have been starving my self,if i eat i eat fruit only, i weigh 100 pounds and my doctor says im under weight, but i dont see that wen i look in the mirrior,so i only got fruit in my fridge,monday im gonna buy diet pills to, im gonna damage my body because i hate it.i guess i dont really want to die yet, i am to scared, but if […]
i dont know what the lethal dose for cough medicine is, but i guess well find out
i made a facebook so i could keep in contact with my best friend that lives hours away, but of course wen i make a facebook, people think if they arnt my friends on there, that i aint there friends in real life, its so dumb,so i have annoying people on there to that harrass me till i add them, then i add this dumb ***** and everything i post, she likes, she comments,its so fucking annoying, then she post every little detail about what she is doing,seriously,like people want to know what you make for dinner every night,its embarrassing that she likes every single […]
my entire life, im always surrounded by cow heads,people that expect apologies when i lose myself, but they are always inocent,wen i do something wrong thats why im the first one to admit it, ill literally call myself out because it pisses me off wen other people do and i aint afraid of admiting shit,but i have so much rage inside me just boiling, and certain things, only certain things, have been happening repeatedly my whole life, so a year ago i lost the last of my trust for people, i shut everyone off, and i am content, as long as i dont let people […]
what is it that they dont get,they can say they know you well, but the moment you put a front up all day to hide the pain behind a smile they assume your happy, then when you finnaly brake down, they say,(stop it, you were happy all day,)well go fuck your self cause if you knew me you would know i hide my emtions, and that was a front,they are so stupid, i even tell them and they must forget or something,i never make sence,or mabey those assholes from the group homes never been through the shit i did or even been through shit to […]
i speak the truth, and mabey my truth is harsh but i only give people what they ask for,
and thats the way i am, life took me to hell and i came back with a fucked up mind and its all i got, so people can just deal with it like i do,and if its to much for people to take, then they can walk in my shoes and retrace my steps and come back with the same mind i got, an know youll never be the same again,i wont change for anybody,
im sitting here alone, dont have shit, im just gonna take this night quil and hopefully i take enough to make me sleep till tomarrow,need today to be over with, and i need and escape, if im to tierd to dream and i just sleep, then it will work for me
i hate holidays, my whole life they have sucked, i thought they were sapost to be the days wen you gather around everyone that loves you and spend time with them or something,now that im not in a group home anymore,i dont really have shit for people, even though i didnt at the group home, but atleast i could be around one good soul,i have the choice a going there today, but why would i want to go back to that hell hole,they said i could go from 1 to 4;45, fucken stupid,id rather be alone anyway.
it feels like i just cant grip on to life,i remember sitting there like it was just yesterday,sitting down rocking back and forth having my arms rapt tight around my stomic from such intence hunger pain, in a cold basement with concrete floor an unfinished ceiling were you could tie a rope around a pipe and the other end around your neck and hang yourself, like i tempted to at age 14,i had noone, they finally put a bed down there after 6 months of me sleeping either outside somewhere or inside on a filthy moldy couch that had holes in it and smelt like […]
she was like a mom to me, a figure i never had before,i loved her when she was gone, and i hated her when she was around, she was either in an over protective mood were she drove me crazy, or in a cool person mood, were you could tell her anything and not be scared,i was never use to someone being so protective over me, i was always use to being kicked out of the house and left to sleep out side under a pine tree,where noone wondered or cared if i was even alive,but with her,if i came in the door a minute […]
one of my worste pains was never having a permentent home, never having somewhere i could call home,being misunderstood and labled for it just makes you even more angry, angry enough to scream, then people looked at me like i was even more crazy,but they had no idea what was going on behind four walls, i had times i told and noone did anything, never really had a chance in life,always controlled by the fucked up justice system that stood there and let me get abused and neglected,i guess i didnt know how worthless i was till i was 7 years old and i was […]
the only person i could look up to, just said fuck it, that was the last of my hope,i guess i cant get lucky like some people,i gave myself a black eye today, sometimes i still here my moms voice in the back of my head, and it tells me to do shit like she used to,wen i eat, it calls me a pig, just like she used to,i only eat once a day, and i quit throwing up, i just excersize till i stop hearing her voice,i gave my self a black eye today because i am a bad person, and i am punishing […]
it makes me so angry the way people expect me to respect them and be honest with them, but there always disrespecting me or lieing to me, im a humane to,and i may be a mistake but im still made of the same material as every one els, there for i am still humane, and i dont care if i wasnt humane, i dont go around saying ill be there or i promis something if i know i cant stick with my words or if i know im lieing,just to be a jerk,people shouldnt expect peace when they go around trying to intimidate others,my […]
im scared about what happens wen you die, but we all die eventually anyways,everyone i know has different beliefs,so who knows untill it happens,the more people tell me things get better or not to do it, i want to just do it more,i am gonna drug my self so i dont get the adrenalin and become scared in the middle of ending my shit,i wait till night 3 oclock in the morning is dead perfect