I understand people going through things and surviving it. But just because you survive it doesnt mean I can or want to. I dont want help to make things better. there is no more “better” left. When it takes effort for my to type these words, I know Im faded. Everyday gets worse and worse, but the funny part is everynight you go to sleep praying for the next day to be better than the last. He still hasnt answered my prayers to take my life, this is how I know he wants me to take my own. Its so beautiful outside, but yet im […]
I run to this like it’ll truly make things better. but really this is just an escape for a few minutes. i didnt even have to wait a whole day today to come back on here. it was made simple for me earlier today. things got turned upside down again. and again…and again. endure the wrath or change. 2 results. 1 has already been given, but yet satisfaction has not been reached. so you’ll keep burning me. until all my flesh has turned to ashes. and theres nothing left to burn. it is admirable to stand by someone who chooses to burn you. im not […]
Its happening again. can someone help me. I feel that peak, that moment approaching again. but this time the decision has already been made. I wont be brought to that point again and not go through with it. I will ignore any signals this time because those signals will be like the ones from b4- a fake illusions to buy time for right now. Im very sad…very dark…i dont want nothing but a solution as to how to do this quietly and quickly. I want to plan it properly. Start a fight or some reason for me to be gone for a few days, I […]
it’s been along time since i came on here. I have many reasons why i didn’t come back here for a while. one of them was because on march 7th, just in time something happened. And after that alot more things happened that made that moment- not so unique anymore. for anyone that’s read my posts before, this one is nothing new- still me typing probably not making any sense i just write as i think i guess.
Im stupid in love, not with him, with the idea of what life should be. I expected it to be a certain way by now, and i expect […]
Burning A Rope,
I Don’t Need Proof, I Already Know,
What You Did To Me Was A Crime
Cold Case Love
And I let You Reach Me One More Time,
But Thats Enough
The funniest part about this post is that I actually had changed my mind. Listen up ppl. i am the perfect example there is no hope. Last week i was going to post and tell everyone that things might have changed, i might have been given that little bit of peace. Something good happened last week that at the time didn’t feel like that Utopian feeling Ive been talking about for a while. And it […]
As expected, i knew I would be posting this. As i type-the constant perfectly worded bbm’s come in and the apologizes come gushing out. But they mean nothing, even when i try to smile and feel the emotion, I just can’t. Im more than just hollow, Im more than just the ice queen-im just ice now. I knew this would happen, didn’t I say that yesterday in another round??? The promises were forgotten by the time the top of the staircase was reached, they were probably forgotten as soon as they left the lips. Now Im sitting here again, another disappointing day. So sick of […]
Its weird how I check into this thing alot now throughout the day. I’m curious to see if other people are out there who feel even a fraction of what I feel.
Today was a very bad day. Its funny when you close your eyes at night thinking  tomorrow will be better, today was the worst it could get. But that wasn’t the case. To end of the horrible day, another Utopian moment happened. Followed by alot of sweet bbm’s and constant pings when a response wasnt received right away. However those are just more moments. False promises made in a moment never mean anything real. Chances are it was forgotten […]
Everyone Thinks That I have It All,
But Its So Empty Living Behind These Castle Walls,
If I Should Tumble,
If I Should Fall,
Would Anyone Hearing Me Screaming Behind These Castle Walls,
There’s No One Here At All,
Behind These Castle Walls.
I live a very different life. This is my first time trying something like this, I’m not doing this with the intention that it’ll bring me pity or sympathy from others, Im doing this hoping that it’ll bring me some FORM of peace.
Im not like alot of people out there. I live a very different life. Luxuries people would never even dream of. […]