Everyone try it!
Choking out is fun, its affected by everything, mostly muscle spasms and mentally you think about something and forge completely and are tricked into believing it’s a good idea, I want to write that idea(s) down. I sometimes do something like rock my body left to right. You should all try it. I just say that so I can hear anything similar or different. My cousin Alex tried and likes it. My 12 year old neighbor likes to do it and showed his friends. I showed my brother but he stopped he’s a ***** about everything. Only problems is brain damage, but […]
Girlfriend
It’s been two months or something and haven’t seen Lizzie. Well, is it time to move on, she lives 2 hours away and long distance relationship… Naw, it doesn’t feel like she’s my girlfriend anymore. Haven’t seen her. Too far away.
Video games
I’ve played from the morning to night yesterday and today, at least I wasn’t bored. But my anxiousness caused me to want to play video games all weekend. Yet, I wasted that time also. I could have done something about it. Addiction to video games maybe, but whatever I had some fun playing. Now I will stress over school
School
End […]
May 16th, 2011 5:19 PMWell, today went pretty well. I drove to school, my math teacher screamed at the class for being “so gosh darn dumb”. I went to bio and didn’t have to present my endocrine system poster. I went to English and got assigned new seats and books to read. I have an essay due Thursday, but I have to go to the library, because I have no computer or Internet at my dads place. P.E., we played Batmitton against the opposing class and I lost 2 of 3 games against girls. Lunch, I ate chips and had to stomach my friend making […]
Omg the feeling
The feeling of choking out after a month of being off tue habit, finally tonight i will choke out until i sleep, its 2:45am aight. Except im not used to choking anymore, the side effects are 10x stronger, i feel paranoia because of that night i thought the illuminati was watching me. I feel dizzy and light headed and cold and prickly from choking. Omg but the feeling of needing to put my hands on my neck was unbearable, my progress from my depression era left and i fear it may come back to at least visit very soon. Must do it […]
I read depressing stories
The lives of countless others
(i suck at writing poetry, these are just seperate thoughts, somewhat)
Cause me pain and pity
Makes my eyes stare blankly out
And go back to my lil world
Where i daydream about
The shitty, ugly truth left behind
From an abnormal past
Not as bad as others
But still worse in its own way
I read these depressing stories
My month old habit
That died down for a while
Of choking myself
I feel an urge to wring my neck
I can feel where my fingers used to be
Feels like its been scarred into […]
Im back on this site, not because im suicidal, im just not sure anymore. But, i am feeling better, i can concentrate in school. Everyone has to accept the depression and lower your expectations by a lot. Dont aim so high up or else you can fall off and get hurt. This website is so depressing. Wanna have a quick laugh? Laugh at other peoples misery on fmylife.com. I havent seen my cousin jasmine for a while, my gf moved away, and im failing all my classes except… PE. Oh yeah, my uncle thinks i told a gang to kill him so he wants to […]
I was reading a book for the first time in like 6 months, yet I’m in sophomore year in high school. It’s called happyface, plot is a nerdy boy and his parents leave each other and leaves everything behind and he makes new friends and is happy. I got more than halfway through and hes at his depressed point, his girlfriend cheated on him with his older bro and his bro died driving drunk and his girlfriend was in the car… She survived, but she wanted to talk to him and he says (while drunk) he hates her because he loves her so much… Makes […]
The Marine Corps guys came today, the highlight of my day. The were wearing black vests with a white line round the waist, golden buttons and blue pants, with red stripe. I like the army camouflage better, but whatever. I wanted to get a prize for the pull up test, but I don’t got the balls to do it or the strength. I decided to watch them instead, and so far only one person got a shirt (20 pull ups). I probably could do like 3, maybe 5 if a miracle happens (you get something for your keys, not ecactly a keychain). But there’s no […]
I’m talking to my girlfriend right now on the fone. She sounds so cute and I love her with every passing moment. She makes me feel good. Except she’s a rare drug, (sorry I haven’t slept all night, talking to her on the fone) and She fell asleep. She sounds so cute when she’s asleep :). Too bad when I leave my moms house and I don’t get Internet. I can’t call her and talk to her. I will miss her and my depression will come back. She lives in Fillmore, closely to Six Flags Magic Mountain and that’s like an hour and a half […]
I don’t know if I feel better or not. School, I’m failing most, if not all, of my classes, but I’m happy that I finally have a girlfriend. Except I am preoccupied by the fact she’s kinda chubby. But I still love her. Lizzie, she’s still cute, but sometimes I want someone hotter, but I’m human, I think? So, my depression is almost gone, comes very rarely, but all I want to do is go with my cousin jasmine, because she has a bf now, Im worried because the idiot thinks losing your virginity with someone means you love them. He’s a guy, I’m a […]
Dad
Do you actually believe you can change someone by changing a variable? They may act different at times, but they’re the same person. Jasmine was raised by a drunken, drugged idiot and a bitchy mom. She hates her parents, because they don’t listen, because they treated her badly, and now you’re trying to control the situation, control her, because you think you will make a difference? She doesn’t like you, because you are an ignorant piece of shit. You don’t listen and youre an idiot. You only hear what you want to hear. And try to confuse others. You ask the stupidest questions and […]
What the fuck is a nutter, first of all? Also, I am not a cutter, but wish I was one, but I’m also a *****. I choke myself instead and write depressing shit. Choking, not as in choking a chicken, or masturbation, but as in my own neck. I asphyxiated myself with my hands on my neck. Only problem is I can’t find anyone that’s the same. I feel even worse, jk, but I am pretty pissed off I can’t find people who do the same thing as I do. I check google, but only found celebrites doing auto-erotic shit and suicide methods. I want […]
Sorry I posted so much. I get internet at my moms place and I just use the notes section of my itouch to record my thoughts on most things like when my dad beat me up… I love comments and I may take a while to text back. If you want to, then text me at (805)336-7012. I may not be able to text because my cell phone migh be disconnected since my mom is troubled financially. Fun life right? 🙁 sorry for the texting slang, emoticons and other teen text stuff..
Ryan Smithson, Ghosts of War, quoted.
” I comptemplate crying, but that seems useless. What does crying ever really do for us? It doesn’t solve our problems. It doesn’t solve problems. It doesn’t make us run faster or shoot better. If anything, crying only delays our solutions to the problem.”Â
(I use the notes section of my iPhone like a journal… I love this dream, wish I could sleep and re-dream it…)
Today, I had another dream about Nycolle. I don’t feel angry, or annoyed, but slightly happier.Â
  It started out random, I was walking through a mall and ended up naked, then wore my blanket I was sleeping in an hour ago. I ended up at a game store, buying a random game, my mom came through the door took the game and disappeared. I walked with another naked dude and we talked, don’t remember, but I ended up having clothes on and went to […]
Yeah i see her and I smile…
Like a drug addict, seeing her makes me feel good…Â
Then I don’t see her and I feel like shit.
Except she’s a rare drug, hard to get.
The beautiful and brilliant diamond
Who gives off a heart-warming sensation
But breaks your heart
And the light is gone
I am blind in the darkness
I’m scared of the unknown
I feel cold in nothingness
I am lost and can’t see what’s in front of me…..
Who or what is God, because apparently people keep praying to this unknown deity. People wish/pray for something and give thanks for the positive side of things, but my question is… Do people mistake God for chance. They ask/pray to God to win a soccer game, but its mainly by chance that they win. If God influenced games, what would happen if 2 people on opposite sides pray to God. Who’ll win? Now, I don’t want to call you stupid, even though it doesn’t matter to me anymore. It stupid that people pray to God, especially when it’s a selfish request, like I want $1 […]
Jasmine, you are an amazing girl and I wish I could stay on this planet, and be with you, but like everything I wish for. It is just a dream, a wish. I wish we could be together and I hope this place really is Hell because it’s the worst place ever. Theonly thing I wonder is why someone like yourself that’s so divine would be in a shithole like Earth. You are a beautiful and brilliant diamond in this shit. Why do you have an abusive, drugged, alcoholic dad and such a shitty life. I wish I could be with you at all times […]
we should ban together, instead of killing ourselves. Fight as mercenaries and since we’re suicidal then we won’t fear death and hopefully all die in a battle. Grab weapons (even though most of us want to end it right there when we get the guns) and kill. Fight in Iraq as a team of soldiers. Or become martyrs for some cause. Go to the extreme to show our support and be remembered for something other than the outcast who couldn’t fit in the puzzle called life.
I, as a leader, will fight alongside you to eradicate whoever stands in our way. I would be able to […]
Let me rant on again…
I’m a 16 year old male from California. That should do you enough good, right?
This planet, this beautiful (or my image of the paradise it was portrayed as) earth inhabited by life. Also inhabited are evil, greedy humans. They are parasitic creatures that prey on this planet’s resources and each other. I fully understand that there are good people, who make you think different, but think about the majority of the people, the evil, vile creatures. These people deserve to suffer, but why not let them suffer without me. I would much rather be dead than to suffer, but […]