I’ve gotten so numb to life that it feels like I’m in a dream state. I’m slowly detaching from reality and I can’t control it. Every day I stray further away from the world and people. I enjoy being alone. I don’t feel real any more and life is a never ending nightmare. So depressed that my mind is creating a facade. And I’m floating. That’s all I can do. The cuts don’t hurt. I have no energy. I feel nothing. All I want is for everything to end. I don’t want to pretend I’m normal. I don’t want to live. I don’t want to […]
I’ve been thinking about sitting in the garage with my car on. Buying melatonin and falling asleep to never wake up again. I feel like it would be a peaceful way to die.
Thoughts of suicide have always consumed my mind. I realized life is not for me at a young age. Nothing makes me happy. Nothing in this world is good enough to make me want to stay. I can’t relate to other people. I don’t understand how people can be happy or motivated or excited. I only feel anger and depression.
I feel so empty. My anger and depression is making it hard to distinguish reality from fantasy. I hate myself so much that it feels like a nightmare I’m living in. Like I’ve imagined this entire world in my head. It gets worse every day and I lose touch of reality as I keep living. No one understands it. I find no happiness or pleasure from anything or anyone. It’s just anger that lives inside me. People grow and move past it but I can’t. And in some ways I won’t allow myself to. I love the anger. I love the depression. I want to […]
I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember. I always think about ways i can kill myself and hope for someone to kill me to put me out of my misery. I’ve never sought any treatment for mental health and have no interest in doing so. I really just want to kill myself. I’m so exhausted of living and waking up every day. I have no passion and nothing in this world is good enough to make me want to stay alive honestly. Everything is a disappointment. I don’t enjoy anything normal people do and I’ve tried it all. I don’t […]
So I was thinking about purchasing 2 bottles of Tylenol and downing all the pills with a small bottle of wine. I just wonder how quick the results will happen. I read it’s a painful way to go but I don’t know how else I would do it. I don’t own a gun and I don’t know where I would hang myself. If anyone knows that most convenient way or if my method is a good one, please let me know. Thanks
I diagnosed myself with borderline personality disorder
I’ve never sought treatment nor do I intend to
I enjoy harming myself and fucking with people’s emotions
I accepted the fact that I will never be happy
No matter how good life gets, I will always make it bad
I realized that I will always rather be dead
I’m disgusted with who I am and I cannot stand the sight of my own face
I don’t know why I was born like this
And now I’m stuck being a case manager for the mentally ill
I’m pretty fucked up, wouldn’t you agree?
no one understands me
i’m so fucking special and no one gets it
but who cares about me
i’m unknown and irrelevant
nothing will change if i kill myself right now
i’m doing it for myself
so i can escape this hell hole of a life
i don’t want to be loved or wanted
i just want to die
there’s nothing i’m interested in this world
i decided life is not for me
i rather slit my throat
It really pains me to know my birthday is tomorrow. I don’t want to see another day. It’s not a celebration. All I want to do is get so fucked up that I’m out of touch with my existence and tear my eyes out of my head. I hate myself and nothing in this universe makes me want to stay any longer. I’m disgusted with who I am and what humanity is. I want to erase my existence for my birthday every year. 23. I’ve become everything I’ve resented. A robotic person with no character or personality controlled by society to work and live a […]
I always hated myself and I always will. I want to just end it all so bad. I’m disgusted with my own skin. I think about driving off a bridge all the time. I see no positives in living and I don’t give a fuck about anything. I have no passion or motivation. Tell me to kill myself. Tell me to slit my wrists until I bleed out. Tell me how disgusting I am. Kill me and put me out of this misery. I can’t take this anymore. I wish I was an abortion. I wish I could’ve died during birth. Suicide is the only option […]
i will get you close
close enough for you to ignore my noose
make you believe im soft and sweet
show you all the good parts of me
just to push you away
see, i like to pretend and play
fool you into thinking my mind is stable
give you small papercuts until you realize im capable
of making your heart gush
naively overlook my scars
baby, i do it to myself too
it hurts me to hurt you
im sadistic in those ways
been self-destructive my whole life, it’s not a phase
I hate myself
But I hate other humans more
This existence is pointless and disgusting
I meet people everyday
I can’t even pretend to give a fuck
And I find myself stuck between killing myself and killing everyone else
For everyone out there: I don’t care how you feel, what you find funny, if you’re happy or unhappy, if you have kids, etc.
I hope the human race dies slowly and painfully of cancer, starvation, anything as long as you all cease to exist
Sadness dawns on me every day
People pass me by
Busy at work or with family
I am alone
Crushed by my depression and anxiety
Too stupid to obtain a simple job
What is wrong with me?
I have never been happy, just alive
Only getting by is not enough
I hate myself more every year
Another day closer to death brings me to smile
Reaching the age of twenty-one is enough
I do not want to see another year, another day
Twenty-one feels like ninety, like everything is falling apart
This life is painful and long
It is not for me and it never […]
I feel empty
Giving myself to random men
But not giving myself at all
Innocence was once when everything underneath was only for me
Only for my true love to see
Now, everyone knows my body
Without touching my body
The loneliness doesn’t quit
And it becomes an addiction
I can’t get rid of
To fill the void that I suppress
How I wish I could love
I cannot feel that anymore
That was lost when you left
I can only recognize love if it hurts now
I tell myself
The man on the other side should care
The man on the other side should […]
I’m staring at my wall. I feel exhausted even though I haven’t done much today. Depression gets more tiring everyday.
I’m constantly asking myself is this my life? Is this what I really want? I want to escape and then again I don’t. I dream of being free in nature and hoping that would make me happy. Really, what makes me happy about that dream is knowing I would not last long.
I don’t know what love is. The only way I can understand love is if it hurts. I see my “ex” has moved on. He’s had about 3 girlfriends since me. I put […]
It has been about 3 years since i have posted on this website. Although I only have 3 posts on here, it was definitely interesting to read. I was looking through my old email and found one from this site. Of course, I haven’t gotten better. In reality, no one ever does; we just learn how to hide it as we grow. I cut less often now but it results to more deeper cuts. As you might be able to tell, I am still trying to leave. I feel like an absolute failure. I have no idea what I am doing with my life. I’m […]
Today was fine.
But fine is not enough.
And I cut myself for fun.
Because I can.
Because no matter how happy I get,
I still rather be dead.
I’ve realized that nothing amuses me or makes me happy. My life is becoming a boring routine. I’m in college and yes, I have different classes every day but it’s all the same to me.
Today, I woke up at 5:20. I don’t drive so I have to rely on someone who has their own business to drop me off. I went to class, where I almost fell asleep in. Now I have this huge gap, 4 hours, until my last class. I have no friends here. I don’t talk to anyone. I don’t mind it but it gets boring. Then I’ll most likely go […]
Hi,
This is my first time posting here. I have read a few posts just now after getting out of the shower. I’m an 18 year old girl. I was just cutting myself in the shower for the thousand time. I have been cutting myself since I was about 14 however I have always been suicidal. I used to try to suffocate myself at 8 which seems silly because that would never work. I have tried to overdose on pills but that didn’t work. Now it doesn’t even hurt to cut anymore. I have cut my arms, my stomach, my hips, and my legs. I’m a […]
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