somesadgirl

laying here staring at the same ceiling for years now.
each time ending up in the same place emotionally.
lost and confused of where my life is going or where I want to go.
I can still feel it all of it. all the unwanted touches, traumatic experience, haunting words play in my head like a fever dream.
swiftly I start to forget the forgetfulness stemming from not having the courage of an appetite.
I would just like all of them people that hurt me in a room just to scream out and attack the anger I feel that I cannot express. The anger of […]

I’m tired.
I was always tired but he just shoved me at the end.
I’m drained, all the good I use to see is gone.
People are cruel I know, but really acknowledging it is different.
He roams around around with all my secrets & has no care to share. Even those that only I know
I should have known better, I know better.
And those who should be on my side are calling dramatic. I can be dramatic but this is outrage.
How can those close be friends with this person?
Knowing what they know of what he did to me?
And thinking it’s […]

I can’t breathe.
I woke up & I can’t seem to catch my breath.
It’s like something at the lump of my throat squeezing every inch of me.
Wanting to take all the good I have left in me.
Wanting to take all my will from me.
Do I keep gasping for air or surrender my last breathe?

I’m starting to get bad again. But this time it’s different, I don’t feel anything. It’s like my mind just shut itself off and I don’t know how to turn it back on. I get so overwhelmed with not being capable of the things I should be doing like, hanging out with friends, going to work, going to school. I push myself to do the needs of school and work. But I feel like I’m floating outside of my body looking down thinking what in the hell am I doing? What’s the point? And it’s starting to truly scare me I’ve never felt this empty […]

Is there a way to not feel this turmoil? To not feel like your lungs are collapsing with every inch of nervousness flowing through my body. To not get triggered by very little things that seem like nothing. To not have racing haunting thoughts constantly flowing through my head. To not hate every inch of myself. To not be able to have a day where I don’t want to end it all. To not see a future ahead of me. To not believe everyone is out to get to. To not believe that I’m out to get me. To not feel like I’m quickly losing […]

Life is changing, my life is changing, I’m trying to change. I think I’m ok, I think I’m doing better then suddenly a wave hits. I get overwhelmed, I get to fat in my head & I start to panic. I start to think those thoughts again and act on them. And failing miserably to succeed. What is going on? What is happening to me? I can’t breathe, I can’t feel and I can’t cry. What do I do, What do I do? To get these thoughts away.

How can you be surrounded by so much love yet feel nothing but worthlessness and pain.

Everyone has something that eats inside of them, making them feel awful but will it ever be possible for it never to occur?

Life has to have some type of pain in order to teach a valuable lesson but when is the pain too much? Some of us are strong enough to move forward and use that pain for strength in bettering yourself while others stay stuck in an endless circle of when will it be all over.

The darkness becomes a burden not only to yourself but others […]

I keep coming back to this place of darkness. I could start getting better and start seeing all the light in life yet somehow I end up in the dark. And each time I go back it gets darker and darker. I feel like I’m so close to reaching my breaking point and it won’t be pretty. When I reach out to others about these feeling and thoughts I always get the same answer, which is “don’t dwell on it”. How can I explain that I’m trying so hard to be in a good place yet somehow I always end up in the dark. How […]

You are worthless & no good for anything. You don’t even try hard enough to achieve the goals you need. You will never the amazing successful person you want to be. What do you have to be upset about others have it worse than you. Quit being a scared and if you’re going to try & kill yourself actually succeed. You are so terrible to look at. Well someone’s getting fat. They don’t like you or even think you’re pretty. Nobody loves you so stop trying.

When you are younger you are taught that monsters are not real they are simply an illusion of your worst fears. You might find comfort in the dim light that shines at the end of the room and hope the monsters wont come out to swallow you whole. Eventually, the fear seems to fade away the more you grow and different fears emerge. These fears start small and something you brush away but before you know it becomes bigger than monster you’ve ever imagined something boiling within you that wont go away with a simple dim light. Some people might never have these fears consume […]

I wake up and all I feel is darkness.
There’s no emotions left in me, my body is worn out and is fight it’s last sparks.
How do I explain it to people when they don’t understand or brush it off as nothing?
Would it create more problems than solutions?
Each day I wake up gets more and more hard to do anything. It’s pointless to find the meaning in things life have to offer or enjoying the “simple pleasures of life”. I’m at my last break, I’m quickly giving up and there’s not much left for me to do.