No I’m not your son and I’m not a total car guru and whatever works for your bipolar episodes doesnt always work for me and you pick on me all the fucking time and I already know, ok, I ALREADY FUCKING KNOW I’M THE WORLD’S GREATEST PIECE OF SHIT FOR A DAUGHTER SO PLEASE, PLEASE JUST KEEP RUBBING IT IN. I know I forget and I am not always home and I’m SO SO SO SORRY!! I don’t know how to be the child you want, ok?I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU WANT I DONT KNOW I DONT KNOW. And I just try to get away […]
His mask- it looked as though smoke had curled around his eyes and his nose, daring to rest atop his cheek bones. Rosy lips broke into a blinding grin as he saw me waltz toward him. God he was handsome. A mope of curly black hair, suntanned skin and eyes so blue you could lose yourself in them. His dapper tuxedo emphasized his broad shoulders, long legs and toned arms… this man was mine. He rushed towards me and lifted me from the ground, twirling me round and round till we were breathless with laughter and life. I itched to peel his mask from his […]
I can feel it starting again… I just crawled out of my depression and now I can feel myself going into hypercharge mode- does anyone know a workout that makes you really fucking tired?? I need something to get this, this thing out of me…
What do you live for?
Gah I’m so tired of them! All day all night my emotions change by the minute… I though I was getting better 🙁 But I seem to have only gotten worse. I just want to be strong for my loved ones (you guys are of course included) you know? I want you all to know that I am here to help, but if someone needs to lean on me for strength and I crumble… I couldn’t forgive myself. How do you deal with the voices in your head?
She perches on her cream-colored windowsill as a robin would upon a branch. Taking a look outside of herself, she sees all that is good around her. Look at the sky, what with its baby-blue face freckled with wisps of cloud cover. Hear the gentle crunch of dying leaves under the tender feet of newly birthed fawns, or the gentle shushing of feathered-wings taking flight. Smell the earth- the rich tone of moist soil mixed with the crispness of mountain air takes away her breath. Feel the cool breeze run his fingers over her skin, over her cheeks and lips and arms, as lovers would.
She gently tightens her scarf around her neck before she steps out of her toasty car. Her depression has been crushing her, crushing everything she is passionate about. Locking her car door behind her, she quickly walks across the street with her eyes pointed towards the sidewalk. She’s almost there; her long, pale fingers grasp the brass doorknob as she opens the door into another world.
Books. Everywhere with their pale pages, they invite her to delve into a world other than the one she lives in. The ink and paper smells comfort her as she begins the search for her […]
All I can/could think about today is suicide. I’m so sorry loves- I had a beautiful idea of what I could write for all of you to enjoy but my soul seems to have shriveled up. It’s all I can think about- all day long. every minute of every hour. I’m sorry loves 🙁 I hope you all had beautiful days today.
Her long body made an indent upon the small bits of clover and grasses as she propped herself up on her elbows. What in the actual fuck is she going to write about today? All her brain is shooting are blanks, and her fingers feel awkward as they hit each computer key. It’s like trying to thread a tree trunk through the eye of a needle. “O” by Coldplay blares into her ears as her brain desperately tries to make something beautiful, something stunning, just something… But that’s the thing about making something beautiful. You cannot force it. Beauty comes from patience and time and […]
Oh how I love manic episodes. You feel as though your soul is going to crawl through your pores. Everything you see is in HD, and if you drop something it’s as if you’ve dropped an atomic bomb on your toes. Yay bipolar
The wind bit and pulled at her skin, tearing through her jacket and into her bones. But she was already cold. No, not from the weather- her soul was cold. And tired. Oh so fucking tired. She felt the chill in her heart and figured wandering about outside would chill her body to match. Dusk had settled on the hills, the light dimming rapidly as the northern wind snapped its icy jaws on her now-red cheeks. As her heart cracked, she stumbled, tears rolling down her face. But she couldn’t feel them. See, she was numb. Inside, and out. The earth was wet, but she […]
Hello my loves! So the point of these mini stories I will be writing is I want you all to be able to escape into a tiny pice of beauty that I will be writing. I also hope to inspire each of you to find your own piece of beauty throughout your day 🙂
The sunlight pours through her bedroom window, its tendrils of warmth caressing her pale face. She can feel the heat wrap itself around her lips, nose, ears… that little smile perches on her lips. She gently stretches out across her bed, her tired joints crackling in protest. Slowly sitting up, she takes […]
*I apologize if this turns out to make no sense. I’m on a couple prescriptions that are new and make my thoughts to finger connections cooky.*
There she is. Floating- floating through it all. She steps outside, ducking her head under the door jam. Inhaling the scent that only rain can bring, she smiles. Not a large, toothy, gums for all to see smile; no, this smile is very, very unique. It is the smile that touches her rosy lips when she sees something, or hears a sound that touches her soul. Nothing has touched her soul in a long, long time. Stomping her boot clad […]
I just need to know… Is it just me who likes running my fingers over my cutting scars? Good Lord I sound morbid, but I just gotta know if any of you out there feel the same way.
It’s weird now- I read through some of the self harm comments and I (sometimes) just want to jump up and go to town with my exacto knife. Other times, I’m totally cool with it…
It’s not normal to be sadistically happy about cutting into your own flesh… of course it’s not normal- If i was normal, I wouldn’t be here with all of my lovelies 🙂
Sorry about this […]
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known loss, known struggle, and have found their way out of their depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with the compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
“The next time you think of beautiful things, don’t forget to count yourself in.”
There is a moment when you look into the eyes of the people you love and see how much pain you are putting them through. There is a moment when you see the worry and the suffering and the fear- and the exhaustion you are putting them through. How their movements become slower, as if the world is weighing on their shoulders. There is a moment when you remember just how worthless you are- just how much you aren’t worth it.
I looked into my mom’s eyes tonight and saw the fear in them. I saw the worry, and the pain of 20 years of having […]
“Your existence gives me hope.”
“Fact: Haters don’t really hate you. In fact. they hate themselves because you’re a reflection of what they wish they could be.”
Hello loves, i need a little advice. So I was in class today when I noticed dozens of lines of something on my thighs… my cut marks bled through my jeans. I really don’t need my parents questioning what they are, and they are my favorite pants. Any recommendations?