whatshouldmynamebe

Today was more depression than anxiety, I find depression atleast tolerable in an hour to hour sense. I find depression robs you of your life, motivation, joy and dulls everything. But with depression I havw thoughts that I can survive another couple of years. I find anxiety makes me want to kill myself way sooner rather than later. It brings the thoughts of surviving a couple years to just surviving a few more weeks. Whats your guys expeirence with the two, do you always have both?

Anyone ever feel like theres one thing that changes everything about hemselves. Im realizing more and more how terrible my memory is. It affects everything, my relationships, my job and my ability to function properly in society. Its this one flaw alone that makes me want to take my life before I mess everything up

Who if anyone do you blame for your condition/ circumstances?

Is there a specefic life even that has lead you down this road?

I personally have no blame, I feel I was born with my issues and anything else has been self inflicted. Im actually rather grateful for the people i’ve had in my life.  Though I know this isnt often the case.

Anyone want to share their experience? How did it make you feel, how’d the family cope, was this before you yourself had problems? ect

Also, what do you guys think about saying: committed suicide vs died of suicide? I think saying died of suicide makes more sense, I feel people who die of suicide just lose a battle to their disease/illness. Just like in the same way someone can die from the illness cancer.

I feel good about following through, spent the night reminicing on old photos and memories. went for a long hike aswell. told my parents I loved them. In the next hour I will be dead. I wish you all luck with your struggles.

If this attempt is unsuccessful I will report back here asap.

wish me luck though, I definitly dont want to end up worse than I am now.

Tonight is the night, T – 8 or so hours. I love you all!

A friend of mine had a trip to switzerland for some snowboarding booked for early janaury . After a career change he can no longer go and is essentially selling me the trip at a discount.

I was originally going to hang myself, but now I have a unique alternative. My plan is now to get drunk and go on an off trail secluded night hike. I’ve done lots of research into death by hypothermia and it seems the only unpleasant part is the beginning, and the rest is peaceful and even relaxing.

I always felt intense guilt in anticipation to my familys reaction to my suicide. […]

I found some new music I liked. What helped you today?

Wednesday I will finally attempt. It has been a long time in the making. My method has a 97% lethality rate and I’ve made sure that everything is in place so that it will actually work. It seems pretty fool proof.

Unfortunately, I will be making this attempt at home. Meaning it will be a member of my family discovering my suicide. It’s not ideal, but i’ve exhausted my options and it seems this is the best way.

I am halfway through or so writing my suicide note, I also have time cave setup to send emails to certain friends 12 hours after my attempt ( so […]

This isn’t a post egging you on to do it. Im just generally curious for the reason.

There are many people who have decided they are going to commit. Is the waiting so that you can get all your affairs in order? To find a good method? To build courage? To say goodbye?

Obviously for most people their reason is that they are hoping for a better future, but this question is for the people that know they are going to attempt.

What do you think makes you the way you are?

Are your thoughts nature or nurture?

Do you think the chemicals in your brain, create your thoughts, and therefore, your personality?

many of the meds that many people on this site are on, can cause emotional and personality changes, by simply changing the chemical make up of the brain. Does this lead you to think that the way you act, your ability to learn and adapt are all just the chemical make up of your brain.

For example, people with debilitating ADD into adulthood have been seen to have several problems with the dopamine in their brain. Leading to […]

If I had to place a finger, or a name on what I’ve been feeling like for most of my life. It would be that I feel like an observer of life, while everyone else are participants. I’ve never understood people. I get along with people just fine, I have friends, a girlfriend and a loving family. But I feel like I have to fake it, I have to fake being interested, I have to fake caring and I have to fake who I am. I have no desires, I have no true interests, the only things I pretend to be interested in are things […]

Do any of you know of anywebsite, or apps to use that will delay sending a message.

The goal here is to have text messages(or social media messages) set up to send out 10 or so hours after my attempt. So that if I am unsuccessful than I have time to cancel the messages.

The main thing keeping me here is guilt of leaving friends/family behind. So having a reliable message system is pretty important to me, so that I can say goodbye to distant friends who may not be offered to read my suicide note.

I am determined to make this attempt work, but seeing as i’ve […]

What do you believe happens when you die? lights out? re- incarnation? What would you like to happen?

Assuming you were going to commit suicide. Would you choose to be sober or intoxicated? I think I’m going to be drinking some liquid courage when I make my final move. However, part of me is afraid that I will drink and just want to experience the euphoria of being drunk and not follow through. My hope is that being drunk will give me the courage needed to go through with my method. I was also thinking of taking pills that help with anxiety such as lorazepam, to again help me gain the courage to do it. I also have debated just trying to ‘man […]