sometimes i wish
i stayed inside my mother,
never to come out.
I should go now, quietly
For my bones have found a place to lie down and sleep
Where all my layers can become reeds
All my limbs can become trees
All my children can become me
Oh, what a mess I leave
You shall sing,
For the ephemeral ones,
For those who’ve been singing voicelessly for long,
With their silence you shall echo your song;
With their silent chorus,
Of innumerable chirping and tweeting,
That enchant the soft spring air,
—You may as well sing like the spring;
For she roots deep in winter’s longing,
Warm sweet blood crackles and cracks the frail sterile earth,
Yet veins, tenderly hold it unbroken, undamaged,
Intact,
Likewise shall your song journey through nature’s taciturnity.
(English is not my first language, forgive me if it looks bad)
My life is such that the only thing I look forward to is sleep. In my dreams I am free of everything including gravity. Sweet dreams where I am hero. I awake sometimes in tears because of the simple fact that I woke up. I long for an eternal sleep. Hero forever
Anemia
Diabetes
Diverticulitis
2 Herniated discs
Depression
Bi-Polar Disorder
Psorraisis
Psychosis
Undiagnosed auto-immune condition..
Thinkining bout my conditions list weighs on me a lot. Especially with the way insurance and health policies change. When I have to split up payments between credit cards and cash or manufacturer coupons the pharmacists always give me a sad look.
I’m afraid to talk about my feelings, because I don’t want to seem as an attention seeker. I’ve always been afraid to open up about the demons in my mind. Until recently, when I found myself curled on the kitchen floor of my parents house, crying, telling my mother I do not want to live anymore.
I’m simply tired of living.
I know this is not normal, I’m not trying to seek attention, I just.. I need to vent to someone, anyone..who will listen.
I’m by no means, “emo” I do not cut, I do not self harm, I do not wear black, or die my hair black […]
Yesterday I got message from bank. In one week I will be homeless.
I give up, I am afraid, I don’t know what to do.
I am at work now and it is 12:00, at 13:00 I have a break, I will buy sleeping pills then I will go at some silent place with my car, drink pills, put plastic bag on head and will fall in sleep and never wake up. If in 3 hours from now I will not post a comment in that topic that means that in Tbilisi at approximately 14:00 young man killed himself, In this case please somehow make my following […]
There’s not much change that occurs in my life, hasn’t been for a long time anyways. Things happen, loved ones die, but ultimately everything more or less continues just as it did before.
One such constant had been these “depression cycles” I would experience. Everything would be mostly fine, then I’d break for a while, cry often, want to die or self harm (though I can say I haven’t attempted either in serious fashion in about three years now due to a promise I occasionally regret keeping) but eventually after a week or two, I’d go back to “normal” for up to 4 months, usually […]
First of all sorry for posting such a lenghty post i just have so much to tell n i havent done it ever before. So forgive me if i am taking too much of your time.
So in my last post i stated that i attempted ending my life, becoz of the person that i loved the most was asking me for what was more the just hurfull but also too damn insane for anybody i guess. But yes i did have to let it on her what she wants and so did she. This all started when she told me that she has started […]
Started my first day of work, just sat at a computer all day doing on-line tutorials. I going to have some expensive bills to pay. Gotta paid to get my eyes check, and hopefully pass a physical. My blood pressure can not be any higher than 140/90, which it isn’t usually. It happened only one time, but I was eating unhealthy, smoking cigarettes, been angry the past few days, and was very nervous getting my blood pressure checked. I could feel my heart rate go up, then it was 140/92, but after that my other checks have been healthy. One time, I even got low […]
Lately I have been getting worse and the suicidal thoughts have been coming back into my head. I write poems when I feel depressed, so I just wanted to share this one, I wrote a couple nights ago.
The pain it stays
Sometimes for days and days
I feel death is looming
Feeling like I can’t do this anymore
Maybe it’s time for me to exit through the door
I am broken
I am broke
All they will ever say
“She couldn’t handle it”
Maybe its time
Time to say goodbye
Fall into the darkness
Say goodbye
Sorry mum
Sorry I was so weak
You deserved better
The family deserved better
I thought I deserved better
Turns out I didn’t deserve anything
I am 26 years old, sailor by profession. I am a very shy and let alone type of a guy, had problems making friends as a child. As i grew up i became even more emotional and sensitive. People say i am smart but i dont feel like it, I think i am average. I think i am a kind and a good hearted person but i do get evil thoughts at times and i have to fight to get them out telling myself “those are bad thoughts”. Since my teenage days i have had suicidal thoughts. I have been in ” in love” situations […]
Been suffering from chest pains since this morning. I’ve said nothing to no one about it. Maybe there is a God and it’ll be a heart attack. Let’s keep our fingers crossed. Wish me luck guys.
I can’t breathe even if i want to
Helpless, I drowned in the sea of questions
Will there be another tomorrow?
Will there be no more sorrow?
Will there be a love left for me to borrow?
I got hired. How the fuck did I get hired for a job, where I purposely tried to fail the interview? Either they’re desperate, or I suck at failing. I could just turn this job down, but I hope to get some dough to go to truck driving school, but even that is wishful thinking. Silly girl, still thinking that you’re going to go somewhere in life. Just wait, my parents will ruin it. How dare me try to make something of myself. Truck driving sounds more awesome than being a nurse, which my parents didn’t support either. They just want me working mediocre jobs […]
He’s gone.
His flat-line still ringing in my head
Him. My best friend, my only love, my everything. I almost lost him to a shot in the head.
I wasn’t allowed to see him in ICU today and I almost replicated his actions just get myself in there next to him.
I am excruciating pain but i know he is too. Emotional pain and physical. I’ve cursed myself over and over for letting him go. Lying to myself that i do not need him and yet he is my support and my back bone.
He isn’t happy. Darning himself for being so careless with his act, cursing himself for being so useless he failed […]
Hello.
First I want to apologize for my English, it is not my native language.
It is already one year that I am asking to god every day to return me back in time (two years would be enough). I made a lot of mistakes in my life but its two years since I began making major mistakes.
I am very weak person very very weak and all of my problems I have now is only my fault.
I was happy, open minded and social person, with lot of perspectives and possibilities, with wonderful family and amazing friends. Now I have none of them except of family they still […]
I’m done trying to be an A student. I’m doing trying to be the perfect daughter. The amazing girlfriend. I’m done trying to be happy. I used to think that there was always something better but why look towards the future when you have to live in the present and your past always haunts. I’m tired of being terrified of my own father. I’m tired of putting on a fake smile everywhere I go. I’m not trying to complain but honestly, I haven’t felt this suicidal for a really long time. It feels like there is no hope left in the world. I don’t want […]
Fisrt of all I’m not proud of this. I’ve never thought I would be publishing something in a page like this. I guess there’s a first time for everything.
Second, I’m spanish that’s why my grammar sucks, pretty much that.
I have no idea where should I start. I’ve been depressed for a lot of years, I tried to kill myself a couple of times but I didn’t suceed.
Background:
My parents are not together, they divorced when I was eight. My mother started returning really late from work, kids started bullying me at school, but I could handle it, until I was twelve. My father was getting married […]
I can see the reasoning behind keeping a site like this….well….discrete, I guess. But, you know, I’ve wanted, on a couple of occasions, to sign in and TALK to people (when I’ve been NEAR FUCKING KILLING MYSELF!!), but I can’t figure out how to fucking LOG IN so I can COMMUNICATE!!! WTF?!!!
There’s no LOG IN details when you visit this site! You may be DESPERATE – and you may well be RIGHT ON THE FUCKING EDGE AND DESPERATE TO TALK TO LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE, but……how the fuck do you GET IN!????????
I managed to log on ONLY because I inadvertantly clicked on somebody’s POST! Is that how […]
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