so again I’m saying I quit. I’ve posted before saying I planned to end it, and obviously changed my mind. Well I’m back with a new plan. I did a little research, picked out my date. The steps are in motion. I’m tired of going back and forth and honestly I don’t want help. I don’t want to get better. I know I can’t. I did the math and I’ve had sucidal thoughts for around 8 yrs. I first tried to kill myself in 8th grade so I was around 12. And since then it’s been back and forth. I’ve tried to end it so […]
Category:
Chronic Pain
I am so depressed. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want my sister to die, she has terminal cancer. and she can’t be treated where I live ( Jordan ) And I dont have the money to send her outside for treatment. I tried asking people, the government, i made a campaign to raise money I tried everything nobody want’s to help me, I am so depressed I can’t even go to work. I live in the UAE and work here, what kills me is that I am not there with her and she is in so much pain. she is so depressed […]
40 cigarettes a day
2g of coke a week
a lot of weed a month
Countless bottles a month
The fucked up part, is that i’m not feeling sad… i really don’t care about me
Sometimes i still think about ending myself
I feel like i embraced my misery… i’ve accepted myself
As the fucking piece of shit that i am
Hey everyone. 🙂
I know it isn’t long since I last posted, but it feels like much longer. Over the past few days I’ve been really wanting to write a post again. I’ve managed to write emails but when it came to writing something here I haven’t been able to. Most of this will be things I’ve said before, but I wanted to get them off my chest again.
I feel that my mental state is stagnating, although I still think meditation is helping. The same goes for keeping in touch with a couple of people from the site – it definitely helps to talk to people. […]
I want to die. I just dont know how ! I cant live anymore, my father passed away and now my only sister is dying of cancer I have no family left. How can I possibly end my life in the easier most painless way possible ?
I’m really tired of running from this thing.
I feel like I’m constantly in motion.
I feel like I’m all alone and no one understands.
But I guess I’m not.
A lot of us here deal with this monster – DESPAIR
It seeks to devour us.
I wish I knew why it picked on us and leaves others untouched?
Did we do something to deserve it?
Is there really something wrong in our brains like the doctors say?
And if that’s true then why?
And why can’t they fix it like any other disease?
Why don’t the meds work?
I don’t think they have a clue.
They can’t cure it.
The best they can do is put out each […]
Hey guys. I haven’t been on in a while. My life really hasn’t gotten that much better. I did start on an antidepressant, but I feel more suicidal now. I started self harming again. I burn myself a lot. Life just sticks and I hate it.
I haven’t posted in awhile. Probably no one even noticed. If you did, I’m sorry for not posting. Stupid asshole me for actually thinking someone would care. I think when I last posted I was manic. Ended up in the hospital for that. Don’t believe them when they say they won’t put you in the hospital for cutting. I’m getting too old for this bullshit. So they change my meds and I end up with major depression. I wouldn’t even go to the docs except I want my Klonopin and Ambien. Also, I need them to certify me so I can keep getting my disability […]
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As I lay awake at 4 am, I keep thinking and I hate it. My brain rushes with unwanted thoughts. It keeps bringing up everything I’ve ever done wrong in my life. It sometimes gets so bad I just start hitting myself on the head. Sometimes in my head I have this guy I call him Ryan, I imagine him to be a perfect guy. He tells me how ugly I am and that I’m nothing. I also think that I’m on this reality tv show and my made up in my head parents are looking at me watching my every move. Making sure I’m […]
I had an account on here before, which I started a few months back. A little over a month ago, I had an extremely bad breakdown that lead me to attempt suicide (I had been thinking of it for awhile but many little things pushed me to it). I posted on here to say goodbye to everyone and apologize for wasting their time in reading my posts and trying to help me. I didn’t see any way in my life recovering, since the stack of shit just kept getting bigger and masked the few good things I had left. I was obviously unsuccessful in my […]
Lately, my anxiety has been so bad that even seeing someone else do something that I would find uncomfortable doing gives me an anxiety attack.
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Idk what it is with today…. I’ve just felt like shit all day. I’ve felt like screaming and crying all day and i have no idea why…. i have thought having my daily relapse for the day and making myself look like someone sliced the hell out of my arm….. Today i have done nothing but think about when i used to weigh 110- pounds and i have an issue with binge eating and i fucking hate myself for eating so much today…. I’m honestly thinking starving myself again like i used to.. And this time i don’t want help….. Anyone can offer all the […]
If I am weak or selfish shouldn’t I take responsibility for that?
Shouldnt I just get out of everyone’s way?
A hindrance is still an issue even if it only effects a few, it won’t get better til some sort of action is taken right…
I don’t have anything new to say and I’m not looking for any advice… I feel like I’m posting too much. I just needed to write.
Hope everyone is doing okay today. Feel free to skip over my post and rant about it in the comments if you’re not.
Earlier my mum said she feels like she hardly sees me, because she’s been out a lot. I said it isn’t ideal that I’m spending so much time in the house, but it’s okay, I’m fine… I’m starting to realise how severely it’s affecting me.
It has its upsides. I’ve been in more pain lately, but it often disappears […]
I’m axious about life in general. Not in a bad way so much as, I never in a million years thought I would live this long! I grew up thinking I’d be dead by 20. I had a kid that I gave up in a private adoption at that point. Tomorrow is her 17th burthday. One more year and it’s legal to have contact, that is, if we find each other. I never thought I’d be alive when she turns 18. Which means I have to survive another year. I can’t believe I’m still alive on this day to see her 17th birthday arrive. She […]
The days are made up of small moments. Today’s best moments come when I walk into the other room and the sun falls on my face. The worst moments come when I climb back into bed, moaning from the pain. Some moments are lighter: they’re surreal, empty, clouded, but the depression has lifted just slightly. Others are agony, like fresh knife wounds… some are in between. It’s a mess of drowning and rising, but never quite breathing.
Derealisation has been on my mind a lot. Because of a couple of clearer moments I’ve had recently, I’ve convinced myself that it’s possible for the cloak over reality […]
I remember years ago someone told me I should take caution when it comes to love. I tried. Did I?
written by freedomseeker
Here you are. There, you are. I love your person. I just love it. Sorry. Wasn’t on purpose… Just, like that. You were nice, you often are. You’re beautiful, I love your smile. I want to see it, always, forever, on your face. You deserve it. You’re a good person. I want to know who you are. I do. Sorry. You’re just the kind of person I feel good with. I don’t need to have a defensive posture. I feel like I can be myself, I feel like you’re talking to people and not to their position on the social scale. I’m sorry for looking […]
Hi, i’ve never really posted on anywhere like this before but i don’t really know what else to do.
I’ve contemplated suicide so many times throughout my life and recently everyone feels like it’s finally coming to a climax, as if ive already accepted that i’m going to die soon, and i want to go out on my own terms.
I’ve been struggling with multiple health issues which make everyday life horrendous, i’m constantly spaced out and in pain almost every waking minute, it’s too much to take.
I’m also incredibly lonely, not even my family speaks to me unless it’s to start an argument or take out […]