Autism has destroyed my life ever since I was a child and it doesn’t seem like a cure is anywhere in the near future. My whole life I’ve had great hopes and dreams, to become a historian and travel the world. On the outside I am living that dream. I just graduated from ASU summa cum laude with a 4.o, prestigious universities are offering me scholarships for grad school, and now I am living in Bulgaria, one of the countries I’ve always loved studying and next month I will be travelling to Serbia, another country of interest. It all sounds so great, but I’ve had […]
I like to sleep a lot because I love to dream. Dreams are so much better than this horrible reality. I’ve practiced a lot by now, and I can remember everything I dream and sometimes control it. I love it.
Inside the dream the world is different. You get to live the adventure, be the hero, talk to that person, go to that place you’ve always wanted, feel the hope, the happiness, the real joy of being alive.
But it also hurts so much when you wake up.
Reality feels numb compared to my dreams. I feel like I’m not really here. But in my dreams everything makes sense, […]
Hey, they call me Odd. It’s nice to share my story with you.
First off, im not killing myself… Yet. I’m trying to push for another 10 months of living. I’ll be 18, in April. I’ve decided to tell my story now, just incase i jump the gun a little early.
Where do I start? This is kind of like a “my moment” type of thing. So, how can I personally catch your attention, long enough, to hear me out?
I’ll start by asking; “have you ever been sad?”
I am at my wits end in life. Normally I am able to pull through when things get tough but lately I am seriously considering killing myself. I understand that everyone goes through life drama but I don’t think I am strong enough to carry everything on my shoulders anymore. I am 18 and as of right now I feel alone. I was raped from the time I was 7 until I was 11 by my stepbrothers and their friends. I never said anything to anyone because (as a little girl) I believed what they told me .. That they would break up my family. […]
I’ve noticed that people who cut have different reasons behind it. Maybe that’s why no psychologist can help them to completely stop, because they assume a reason behind it and they don’t really care if it’s true. Scars have different meanings for everybody, so now I’m asking you what do they really mean to you?
For me, my scars represent I’m fighting and surviving. That the pain isn’t just inside my head.
Have a lovely night.
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Another sketch just for the fun of it.
It started out with me frustrated because I couldn’t connect to the WiFi.
So I got some paper and a pencil and drew this abstract thing which symbolizes “not being able to connect because of obstacles”.
I meant internet connection, but it kept occurring to me that it can be taken in all sorts of other ways too.
Sometimes no matter how much we want to (*ahem*) put “Tab A” into “Slot B”, there’s something preventing it from happening.
Interpret […]
heads up everyone, i ramble. i feel nothing and at the same time i have so many thoughts that i cant think, so this is basically emotional throw-up. read it. or dont. im mostly just putting my thoughts down so that i can understand them better myself.
i was angry and sad today, as i often am, and stumbled across this site. whoever started it, kudos to you, because its nice to talk to people who understand, rather than broken records saying ‘dont be depressed, be happy’. lovely, i will just do that then. oh wait, i dont know how. its not a simple thing, though it seems like […]
She took a deep breath trying her best to gather the strength she needed. Life wasnt getting better… it never would. She took another deep breath feeling her goose bumps light up her skin. She gently ran her hand up her own arm and sighed at the weird tingle sensation that she felt from it. Her head was turned away from the mirror. She dreaded looking into her own eyes, god she hated them. As she looked at her self in the mirror her eyes went straight to their own reflection. Their nasty hasel color staired back unaffected by what they saw in return. Her […]
Dealing with the aftermath of my mother’s suicide has been very difficult and stressful.
My mom and dad had been married for 27 years back in March and they hardly EVER spent a night away from each other. If she had a business trip he’d be right beside her. If he had a business trip she’d likewise be right there with him. I know that none of us know how to cope with this the “correct” way…..due to I’m sure THERE IS NO CORRECT WAY TO HANDLE A SITUATION LIKE THIS. I feel helpless in not knowing how to help my dad heal. It hasn’t been […]
Sketched this last night when I couldn’t sleep and had too many things on my mind.
We live in a messed up world with messed up people, a world where wolves, angelfish, swans, termites, and others mate for life, but humans either have no one to love them, or they end up stuck with someone who doesn’t love them so much after all.
This is a world I would like to exit.
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Has anyone thought of maybe castration or brain training to stop the urge for happiness relying on someone else? If maybe be we could take a magical pill to not want anyone else in our lives and be able to be happy with just ourselves, life might just be worth it? Ive been trying to be sole person in charge of my happiness but this terrible, social human nature is stopping that.
ive heard chemical castration is very hard to get unless your a high risk sex offender. Anyone know of any legal way to persuade a doctor?
After discovering a certain video, I used that as a calming video to prevent me from cutting. It’s not a calming video with ocean waves on the background but a seemingly offensive video that makes me laugh and let my urge to pass. It was seen as offensive by many because of its harsh tackle on cutting but sometimes I need that slap on the cheeks and a fucking reminder to stop hurting myself. And it’s very helpful. I’ve surpassed urges because of these videos and it feels so awesome. I hope I can keep this up.
As of today, I was being blamed for things […]
It’s been 36 days since my mom decided to take her own life.
I’ve been an extreme roller coaster of emotions. At first I felt like it was all a sick joke that someone was playing on me, that feeling turned into absolute utter shock. Then came the intense grief of knowing I would never see or speak to her again.
I cried for hours on top of hours, until my eyes hurt and we’re stinging to the point of hardly being able to open them. My mind raced around from being mad at her, to being upset that she was gone, to trying to understand the […]
And as far as I can see,
This will be the death of me
The blinded violence of both our fathers,
Will drown me in a drying ocean
The scars and cuts across our wrists
Will swallow me
Me
Me
Me
Whole.
I started self-harming in eighth grade and I just graduated high schools few weeks ago. I thought I’d be done with it by now, but I’m not. I can’t seem to shake the feeling that no matter what happens, even if all this shit gets sorted out, I’m still going to have to kill myself. I can’t get out of my head and I can’t stop self-harming. Everything is so delicately complicated. I have an amazing boyfriend who I love more than anything in the world, and he self-harms too. But it breaks my heart in ways I never knew it could be broken. The […]
Hey everyone, just me- Im 19 right now and I really hate my life . I see people complaining back and forth about trivial things and the truth is I always believed they didn’t know what true pain was. But I know it isn’t right or fair because I’m just comparing their pain to mine andy oroblems aren’t anyone elses. I was molested by my cousin when I was about 8 in 4th grade. the earliest time I can honestly remember this, I was experimented on and I was penetrated my older cousin. Both my cousins fondled me though. That may not […]
Yay for the site being back up again!
Thank you, to the admins who fixed whatever was wrong.
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Today was the first day in months that I have gone to bed with a calm conscience. I feel out of place and joyous and all these things that are both great and terrifyingly new. I can’t even remember what it was like to sleep with a clear conscience.
I am well aware and will be the first to say that I am undeserving of this clear conscience. I am terrible, but I suppose my underlying narcissism is here to aid me to sleep. I’m so ridiculously, even though I know tomorrow will be a living hell for me. I don’t […]
I like this documentary very much. Not in a morbid way. But in the way that where it becomes evident that there isn’t anything pretty about death, the main character in the documentary finds strength and positivism from her job: Forensic Cleaning, aka. Crime Scene Cleaning, aka. Bio-hazard Cleaning Specialists, etc.
She has gone through so much personally, and professionally, her job is so physically and emotionally intense, yet she keeps pushing through, it’s admirable.
I especially enjoy the interactions between husband and wife 😀
Thinking about suicide? Ok! Now let’s talk about it. Help each other out.
España/Spain:
www.telefonodelaesperanza.org
Atención en Crisis: 902 500 002
USA
1 (800) 273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
En Español:
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/gethelp/spanish.aspx
UK
0800 068 41 41
PAPYRUS
www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Suicide/Pages/Getting-help.aspx
México
01800- 290- 00- 24
Línea de Intervención en crisis
suicidologia.org.mx/podemos-ayudarte/
Australia
13 11 14
Lifeline Australia
www.lifeline.org.au