So I am a senior male in high school. I’m 17 going on 18 at the end of June. There’s this one kid Zack who is a freshman at my school and I fucking hate him. I haven’t really talked to him but knowing what he does makes me sick. He dates a girl and makes out with her and everything, he is all sweet and charming and everything (little does anybody know he’s really a ***** and extremely aggressive and violent with guys) but the catch about the girls he dates is that they all self-harm (usually cutting). Sounds like a sweet boy right? […]
Coping Skills
It’s late enough that probably everyone has gone to sleep or is out partying in that fuzzy world where beer helps us forget everything else.
But I’ll just post this anyway, to help myself think.
About 3 months ago, I posted THIS about a guy in our symphony who died. (Possibly/probably suicide).
His memorial service was last Thursday (they kept him on ice an extra long time because they had to wait for his brother to get home from overseas).
Since he was an excellent trumpet player, I’ve been trying to think of a way to pay tribute to that by composing a piece we can […]
The pain, forged by both fond memory and misery…
Like an old sports injury.
It used to be sharp and jarring-
Now, a sporadic shrug.
There was a time when I fought…
Valiantly, to become the unbroken.
But each chip of me grew smaller after each shattering.
And the world now seems to have lost its tape dispenser.
Clocks, aplenty though,
As they mull over and measure their minutes
Their support turns to spite, toughness…
We all grow tired,
Just in different ways.
But is the given that we will grow
Or that we can stand to remain tired?
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Buzz-Fall.mp3
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Stayed up all night long writing this.
I had an ocean of black coffee yesterday, plus I probably took more Tramadol than I should have (yeah, I know. I know).
So as long as I was in that weird kind of headspace, I decided to write some music, just to hear what that part of my brain sounds like.
Apparently it sounds like a snake charmer had a drunken affair with a nervous kangaroo.
Weird.
Just ask! Come on, read these two lines out:
“Are you thinking about killing your self?”
“Are you thinking about taking your own life?”
See? That’s just how you do it. Now go. Ask him. Ask her.
People contemplating suicide want somebody to genuinely care. They want to be asked. They NEED to be asked that question. “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” What if your question could save a life?
JUST ASK!
I’m HERE4UOK
Email: suesyd . nomore at g mail . co m
Facebook: Suesyd Nomore
Kik: H4UOK
I made a Kik specifically for you guys here on SP. Just in case anyone ever needs or wants to talk, vent, rant, etc privately, it’s anoynomus and I’ll get back to you as quickly as I can. Just so you know I’m here for all of you, whether I know you or not. The username is haileeonsp. Have a lovely night guys.
To Airrie. To IamABuilding. To vho. To Soco. To Iwantpeace2.
To joeld. To AnnieBear. To Raven. To Fantajin. To Nathaniel_Morisawa.
To into_the_sky. To rivets. To butterfly1123. To whiskered-fish. To those I missed.
To ALL of you.
I urge you to watch this documentary. No, I am not here to “save” you.
I don’t come here with false promises or magic potions. All I have is me.
I am HERE4UOK.
I just want you to be more aware, more informed, to feel encouraged a little. Maybe. For a moment even. In a positive way.
Don’t let the tunnel vision of entrapment, the wall of people and circumstances around […]
Those of you who saw my “Sushi-In-A-Desert” picture may have noticed this in the comments:
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Um.
At some point on Sunday evening, I realized I couldn’t resist.
Samurai eating pizza in a bowling alley with an ancient Greek priestess.
Here:
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I apologize for the long post. My story is summarized in the beginning and end of this post. This post turned out to be long because I felt that it was necessary to explain some aspects of my situation.
I’ve always loved life and feared death, so committing suicide was absolutely unthinkable for me. That changed in early July 2015 – when I finally considered suicide as an option for avoiding homelessness or jail in the future. Originally, any suicide that I might commit would take place after my parents’ deaths – and when I had no income and faced homelessness, which I estimated to be 10-15 […]
Greetings. I created an account just now– but I’ve been reading some posts here for quite some time. I hope this type of post is acceptable.
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At first glance, you won’t really see me for who I am.
They see a curious wanderer, a determined overachiever, a hopeful soul, an enthusiastic teenager.
They say I bring sunshine, rainbows and butterflies wherever I go.
They think I’m awake at 3 in the morning because I’m eager to learn more about this world, because I’m comforting someone who needs my help, because I’m out running.
And at second glance, you still won’t see me for who I […]
I just got out of an abusive relationship. I will not say in what profession, because I don’t want to give out too much information, but it was in a profession of pressure, where you’re expected to be hazed and belittled. This relationship was not a boyfriend or a husband, it was mentor-to-apprentice. Most of the time, when you hear of abusive relationships, it is a significant other, and I just want to say that, sometimes, it’s a boss or a friend.
This man had incredible talents, and I had the opportunity to become highly skilled in my craft from learning under this man. He […]
After a bit of an episode this morning I feel better after I cried a bit. Sure I’m a baby but whatever helps me get through it. I feel relaxed but tiered. I should get to bed soon so I can prepare myself for Monday..
So a few months ago I left university for the day, half way through, because I couldn’t take the overwhelming nervous feelings of being with my classmates, and lecturers, who are the type of people that make you feel on edge, never good enough. Leaving my coat, bag and items sprawled out across the desk to look as if I was just leaving for lunch, I escaped and walked home as fast as I could, heavily breathing because of the stress of the day.
I don’t know what it was, maybe the fact that my lecturer is quite harsh and makes me feel my work is […]
If you read the comments on Alan’s post last night, you saw he requested a picture of a china doll and a honey badger eating sushi on a surfboard in the desert.
Actually it was a request for Hazy, but I decided I would try it too.
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A psychiatrist was pacing side to side in the room while giving a conference on dealing with stress.
When she suddenly raised a glass of water, everyone thought she was going to ask if the glass was half full or half empty.
Nevertheless, she asked instead with a smile:
“How heavy is this glass of water?”
The answers varied. From 100 grams to 500 grams.
She replied:
“Its absolute weight in fact is of no importance whatsoever.”
“It simply depends on how long I hold the glass for. If I hold it for a minute, there is not a problem at all.
If I hold it for one hour, my arm […]
Life is shitty. That’s how it is, and it won’t change. I’ve read many many posts on this website, and I can empathize deeply with many posters. Family problems, work problems, relationship problems, it’s all the fucking same. These problems make us feel SO shitty that some of us would rather commit suicide than suffer through another second of it.
Is this fair? Fair to feel shitty for most part of our days? Sleep is the only escape. I don’t feel shitty while in slumber, but it gets to me as soon as I wake. Sleep is great, however it is still a temporary fix and […]
this world is not for everyone
It’s true
In fact, everything in this world is not meant for everyone
Some people is not meant to be in this cruel cruel world and most of the time, that someone knows it. They know that this is not where they belong. they know that there are other places for them. The place they can be themselves without getting reject or being judge.
There are two decisions for these people:
To keep going, keep fighting to stay in this world. To continue.
To go seek for other places where they are truly belong.
At the end of the day, it’s that person’s choice to choose.
are you […]
Here’s my latest project, finished last Sunday.
It’s supposed to reflect the upheaval and turbulence of needing answers to certain things, but not having those answers– and coming to terms with the possibility of never having them.
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http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Not-Knowing-2.mp3
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Title: Not Knowing
Key: C-minor
Meter: 7/8
Instrumentation: Violin, Viola, Cello, Bass, Piano
For those of you who can read a score, here’s a screencap of the last five measures:
This is my first time reaching out here. Originally I signed up to reach out at a very low point but instead found myself trying to help others. The struggle for me is so real. I put “the smile” on to often. I find myself thinking about dying more frequently.. Driving home tonight I just cried so much that it was to the point where I couldn’t see. The thought came to me….”would it really matter if I wrecked and ended it?” I struggled to find a reason why not to. By the time my mind cleared I was in my drive way. Just have […]