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These thoughts in my head are horrible.
I’m so scared,it’s not even the fact im having suicidal thoughts,its the fact that nobody can hrlp me and that this time they’re scaring me.
They’re winning.
For the first time in a long time.
What do i do?i dont feel in control i just keep screaming and crying,i cant eat and im struggling to stand for long periods of time..
I dont want too go,not yet..but i might have too.
I have discovered that I don’t want to die, I want to live but just can’t bear the reality I’m faced with (having no redeeming qualities and having no place in this world). I didn’t understand what it actually meant to die and that scares the living shit out of me. To think how close I came to jumping from a skyscraper and being sucked into a vacuum to never feel or experience anything ever again… it’s hard to believe it’s what I wanted. It was only in coming to close to death that saved my life. But my life is still shattered and I […]
Theres no way out.. I just want to cut until my veins have no more blood to let out.. I want to stand on that chair and end it.. Who cares if anyone misses me.. I want it to be over. The pain, the suffering.. I’m crying just writing this. This maybe my last post.. I need it to end. I need a way out of this. Life isn’t worth living anymore. It never was worth it. I can’t think of the last time I was actually happy.. What is being happy feel like? Because I don’t know anymore.. So this is it.. goodbye
This is the way things are. Things could only be this way. This way, no other way.
That’s the truth of it. We’re not really in control. Even the decision to commit suicide isn’t really ours. The past built its way to this. All has been determined.
Her heart is hurting
Her body is aching.
The scars aren’t fading
The memories aren’t leaving.
She runs in pain
She fights and hides.
That girl is falling
That girl is fading.
Her wirsts are bleeding
Her mind is closing.
The bleeding is ending
The blade goes cold.
She sees the light
She runs towards it.
That girl is leaving
That girl is gone. –
g.r.
———-
Written by me…
I guess I realized I was different from the other kids around grade 4. I had big glasses, blonde hair, Scrawny, and a little bit on the short side. I grew up in a small town in a poor area in Vermont, pretty much in spitting distance of the Canadian border. My father is a city boy who grew up in Hartford Connecticut, My mother is a country girl from Brownington Vermont. Who I am is a direct result of their differences. My dialect is pure Vermonter, Until I get upset, Once that happens that Connecticut accent initiates full swing. Vermont is a strange place, […]
Contract accepted
Plan well made
Time draws close
No nerves, not afraid
For this job
I was perfectly hired
Look in the mirror
Target acquired
I have experienced frequent depression since I was about 13. At 22, I still can hardly see why being alive is worth the effort. I’m just so tired of trying, so tired of other people, so tired of this atrocious, toxic society. It’s so hard to be an empath in a world of people who couldn’t even dream of thinking of anyone but themselves. I feel so trapped and alone, even though there are such amazing people in my life. My boyfriend and I moved back to our hometown about a year ago, and everything just seems to be going downhill now. His kind but […]
My ex boyfriend raped me coming close to 2 years ago.
I haven’t told the police because its just so complicated as i was still going out with him after it happened
Now, i just don’t know if its worth going to the police for.. anyone help?
I lost my eldest son to suicide 7 years ago. Since then all the hopes and dreams I had have gone to hell. my daughter-in-law can’t admit to me the problems she has coping with me and the hurt I have to live with so she ignores me. This wouldn’t matter but it means I don’t get contact with my grand daughter and she doesn’t see how that hurts me. But wait there’s more: my only other son suffers from borderline personality disorder and takes everything that goes wrong in his life out on me. I lent him money 3years ago to get him out […]
i waited,
and waited.
for a day i would be picked.
for a day i could play with my friends.
but the day never came.
and when they all left.
i was left alone,
with only my shadow to fight.
A sharpener,
will hurt
a little lesser
than
this loneliness.
-brokenprincessteen
You know its been a long time since I last smiled.I’m not talking about a casual smile…I’m talking about a real smile, a smile that actually means something.sure when I watch comedies I sometimes laugh, and that intern produces a smile.but these days my laughs and smiles feel more forced than anything.it gets tiring having to put on this mask of mine.its hard and it only serves to make me feel much more alone than I already am.im tired.I would love to sleep.I wish I could just go to bed and never wake up.i wish that I could dream a good dream and never wake […]
Hi guys. So, uhm, I’ve been very distraught lately. For the last 6 years I’ve had depression but it really started hitting me last year. Around April, my family turned their back on me. I live with my cousin, sister and grandmother. My cousin wanted to move out and she needed an excuse, so she said I abused her. I had to be forced to move away multiple times from April-September during that time. Also a lot of my closest friends have turned their backs too. I went to a lot of them for help and they all rejected me and this year i made […]
I couldn’t bring myself to kill myself, but everything is still just empty. How do people live with it?
I honestly thought this summer I would be able t talk and hang out with my friends. My best friend said that no matter what I needed, she would be there for me. This morning I got in a huge fight with my mother, she threatened to hit me which made my dad step in and tell her to back off. I’m honestly lucky that he is there for me. But even though the fight was over, I still felt horrible. The things she said hit me like a bullet to the heart. Reality hit me, it hit me hard. I felt like […]
I have no one in my life. My best friend, doesn’t make me feel like he gives a shit about me. He doesn’t even talk to me some days, but he talks to other people. It hurts a lot. My family isn’t here for me, they’re all to busy with themselves. My other friends don’t care about anyone other then themselves or their boyfriends/girlfriends. I want someone to come over and sit in my room with me and watch a movie and we can just talk about everything. How I feel, how they feel, what’s going on with our families just anything and everything. Just […]
I was doing ok for a little while. I’m finding myself becoming more scatter brained and slowly relapsing back into my depressive state. I’m becoming angry with people I shouldn’t, missing people that don’t miss me, and loving people that don’t love back. I can’t seem to find a balance….this balance they all speak of.
And at the end of the day I hate the fact I lived through it.
I posted not more then a day ago and didn’t really feel like I explained myself properly. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for years now. I have the tendency to care more for other then I do myself. I remember things I shouldn’t remember.
It hurts sometimes because I feel like the choices I made in my past drive me to wanting to commit suicide. I’ve cut my wrist multiple times and sometimes I can’t even cut deep enough because I get scared. I have no job, no real friends, and I barely speak to my family. I live with my […]
I was wearing a Houston Texans wirstband to cover my ex’s name.My cousins are coming over so now I’m wearing the wristband on my arm to cover the cuts.The other day I kinda went all out cutting so I’m glad this wristband Is big cause the area where I cut Is pretty big.No lie It feels good.
So, my mother posted an image on my facebook wall that went along the lines of, “We need to teach our daughters the difference between a man that controls you, and a man that looks out for her best interests, etc. etc.” It went on for several lines of teaching daughters the difference between this and that. Aside from the multitude of social issues the image presents, my response to the image was, “How about I just focus on my career and not put my self-worth into another human being. How about I measure my life and worth in accomplishments? Problem solved.”
She retorted with how […]
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