General

[ [  Well, this is my first day on this website, and my first entry. I shall start my diary here, as it will only last about a month until my suicide date should (hopefully) take place at the end of this August. I know that many people will not read this, but I shall still post these entries. And so, I begin my very first post.  ] ]

There’s a girl. She doesn’t know how to handle things. Everything and anything is just spiralling beyond her control, and nothing is going right.This girl has  two secrets, ones which you would never guess if you just […]

I, simply, deserve to die.

on my own again, trying to work this out, live in a town house with my partner and three kids, i sleep downstairs, (he sleeps upstairs) i say that flippantly because i hardly ever sleep, not for long, sometimes i dont know if i am actually awake as the days seem like a nightmare, my 9 year old girl punched me in a temper today and my partner just laughed. guess that is it, i am a joke

Its ridiculous

i wake up everyday to nothing to pointless things

i shouldnt even be here right now, suppose to study for my exam tomorrow

whats the point anyways, im fucking failing.

i just keep stuffing my fat fucking face and i keep gaining and gaining

my family doesnt want me around because im always so depressed

i just eat and eat and eat till im sick and still

im so tired

of

everything

I’m desperate. I don’t want to screw this up but I’m desperate.

With all my procrastination expunged from my very soul, desire diminished to the very bare requirements unable to muster effort for the simplest of menial corporeal tasks, all hope reduced to infinitesimal proportions the time must finally be at hand. A calm settles the spirit like never before, 2 roads perceived in all probable possibility one swift the other swifter a 3rd emerges to laminate potential by diminishing ones self once more to perpetuate the lucid mare that besieges me still.

Nay be the rallying cry to concede to pestilence not of my own, condemning my struggle to the inevitable I idolize in my sullen ways. […]

im getting more and more stressed out. these four walls seem to be closing in on me. the rain barracading me in. the darkness reminding me i have little time left to get my act togethr and get away. my heart palpatations are getting worse, bordeing on pannick attacks. i cant get out of my room, my hands are shaking. i need to cut, rip open my skin and see that familliar red stream start to form, watch it weave its way through scars. im scared and lonely. theres no other way out.

today has been crap. so ive been in bed for the best part of 3 days getting more and more anxious becaue my CAMHS appointment is tomorrow (child and adult mental health service) ive resisted cuttin, just making me more worked up. but now my mother has gone off he rails, said shes going to tell them that im just a selfish pathetic shallow grumpy teenager that she hates me. i dont blame her. im a shit excuse of a daughter. i need to gt out, stay out tonight just till ive missed the appointment. but i have no where to run to, no one […]

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I Love chicken nuggets sooooooo Much! Omg! Nomnomnom yum yum yum!

I don’t want your help. I appreciate the thought but I don’t want to be helped I don’t want to have to retell my pathetic story. I just want to be left alone in my lies because that’s where I can live a normal life. My smiles may be fake but others smile with me. My Laughter may be forced but it gives others hope. My positive ideals are my own, but they are shrouded in deception. My dreams are false and my mind is shattered. I can’t help it because I have no idea where to begin. I am broken but I only tell […]

well this could be it my life sumd up in 4 words hard work pane and deth iv had it but i gt t keep trying but i dont whant this its stupid im so lonly im so hurt my freds duiying or killing them selfs its like on a song when on evrey new bar some els i know diys falls in to a pit of deth iv had it i dont whant this but iv got to find her iv gt to go on thats what thay wuld f whantid fr me but it dosunt happund that way

if i to lode my life in to a bag and leve firstly it would be a verey small bag but manly i know it wuld be to g some were to die a wood some were or a river or go rownd to a frends befor i go to my chosen place to diy and rember happeyer times and its fritaning how esey it is beeing in the miltrey to get a gun a browning 9mm thats if i was going to shoot my self would be the gun the gun that saved my life doing me one last favor taking me out of […]

pills & wrist cutting dont work, I dont have a gun yet, so I’m thinking of hanging myself, midnight nobody will find me tell next morning, it takes only few minutes of pain, few minutes are better than living whole life in pain.
I’ll send kids to my sis to not be shocked.I’m thinking of this

Today I turned 18, im offically a adult and everyones acting like I should be over the moon and celebrating please tell me why I would celebrate a life i dont want? Hi im zara 18 as  of today I have severe social anxiety and by severe I mean I cant do anything with my life. I had to leave my final year of school have lost all friends have a abusive mother who laughs at my nonability to even leave the house. Ive been to several therapies and tried 4 medications but nothing tames the severity of my anxiety thats where depression and suicidal […]

anyone can tell me if they chat room is still on? I can’t find it

No, in the words of MCR I’m not okay, and I don’t know why, I’ve never felt so alone, the only person I want around chooses to ignore me, I hate that people think you have to have a reason to be this sad this suicidal, I wish I was child I know I’m not a adult but I’m also in charge of my life now, and I feel like a useless low life a nobody a fuck up