For general topics related to the site.
I need some strong, over the counter sleeping meds of some kind. Ones that won’t necessarily kill me when I overdose, just strong enough to suppress my body while the exit bag does it’s work. Any suggestions? Please comment…
So I was at my father house planning on making breakfast when 3 police officers came in and said basically you can either come voluntary or were going to force you. I didn’t run cause I would it would be a criminal charge and I would go to jail and then maybe prison for some bs cause I’m on probation. So I said I’d go voluntarily so here I am I the ER chillin. I’m glad I have insurance cause no doubt they are going to bill me. The psych -some Jewish guy named Ira- came in after a few hours and talked to me. […]
In short. I don’t want my son to grow up with a pathetic person I am now.
First let me star off by saying that I am not planning on committing suicide right now. I just do not want to get to that point. I do not know how to express what I am feeling, but I will try to the best of my ability to describe it. I just feel lost, I do not want to do anything anymore. I do not want to move anymore, but I do not want to stay still. I want to live, but I do not want to keep trying to endure this suffering. I have a good family and great friends, just my views […]
This is the first time I post something on here but I feel like I’m finally ready to do something like this. For this first post I think I’m just gonna tell my story, I need to get it off my chest.
On the 30 of September 17 years ago my brother was born. And 2 years later on his birthday, I was born. We always shared our birthday and it was something really special. Me and my brother were always close, like few brothers and sisters are. Besides being my brother, he was also my best friend.
But it all ended on the 25 […]
The more I write and talk, the more I started to understand why. I understand why I have thoughts of death. I understand why I want to cut. I understand why everything feels out of my control. I’m trying to get help, but I’m afraid it won’t work. I think I want to stop feeling this way, but I can’t decide if that’s really possible. I hope it is. Because I picked up a blade the first time when I was 12. Pills came at 13. And just maybe I can stop it all. I just don’t understand what it will take to stop.
Well, I’ve been depressed for 6 months now. I’ve been on this site for 3 months. My life fell apart during the first month of this year. I’m cutting my loses and trying to move on. I’ve actually made attempts to try to better myself as a person. I’m been going to psychiatrist for 3 months. I’ve decided on taking driving courses. I’ve also went back to the gym. Still, life bullshit keeps raining down on me and I’m finding out that I am my biggest hurdle. I look in the mirror and I see an enemy. I’ve messed up more times then I can […]
1,2,3,4…
It goes on and on.
The scars of yesterday,
the blood stains on my shirt,
still shaking, in shock.
How can you push me to go this far?
Talking to myself,
the faint whispers in my head,
“You’re not worth another day.â€
Another day goes by.
The smiles and laughter can’t get any faker.
At home, I lock myself in my room.
Cry to myself.
Telling myself its over.
Trying to say my last goodbye’s,
losing my mind.
Its happening again.
Been here so many times before…
So many miserable times,
I’ve had enough of this feeling.
Its over for me.
Or at least that’s […]
I don’t have self worth. Â I don’t think I’m beautiful. Â I don’t value my life. Â Everything I do is never good enough. Â I’m just falling apart.
my parents don’t even have a clue that thing got worse. It’s useless. I can’t be someone because I freak out in public because of my anxiety. I never leave my room. I want out but I don’t have a way. I’m weak. I want to be strong.
I have insomnia. Â I have been diagnosed with servers depression and I really don’t know where to turn to anymore. Â I am up all night and exhausted during the day. Â I feel absolutely useless to my boyfriend who said to me that it will be ok and it isn’t because he is the one who has found me multiple times blacked out on the floor with a razor in hand. Â I’m unemployed and unable to find work. Â I am contemplating suicide and I just need someone to listen.
Everyday I think about what it is like to succeedin life. Â Tonight I am sitting here and thinking that I have had enough. Â I am sick of not being able to achieve anything or make anyone proud of me. Â Since I was 14 all I have known is negativity, suicide thoughts, razor blades and lonely nights lying in bed with blood dripping from my arms and wrists. Â With a life like that, I want out. Â I am sick of no one listening.
The painful reality dooms on me everyday- that this isn’t for me but I don’t feel like I’m giving up anymore, I just feel like I’m giving in to the inevitable.
It is a bitter sweet world, consisting of unfathomable wonder, endless mystery and ceaseless pain but I’ve only been getting a taste of the bitter and the pain. This world breaks my heart, and I’m too sensitive to bear it. All the suffering and anguish, that I cannot do nothing about. It affects me, maybe it shouldn’t, why should I be so concerned about every ones pain? But this is who I am unfortunately.
It’s been a long […]
I dont feel suicidal. I can handle life just great. I came here because my brother killed himself and I wanted to kind off undestand what suicidal people think, how they see life ect. I thought that maby I could at least help a stranger if I couldnt help my bro.
Well I realised, that even if one is not suicidal it can become very depressed, gloomy and pesimistic hanging with you guys here… And helping someone here if mission impossible. You are trapped in your bubble of pain and dont wanna get out. You say you cant, I think deep down, you just […]
I have 2 kids, an intensely stressful career, just got married 2 weeks ago to my best friend. My soulmate… yet I still yearn for an ending. It seems so much more pleasant than dealing with the bs here. I drink to medicate. Then get angry and depressed when drunk. I wake up everyday hating the fact that I have to drag through another day. I want help but Im afraid I will lose my kids, marriage, job. I dont know what to do. Im suffering… have been for years. Horrible abuse as a child, bad relatiomships, past substance abuse. I really need help for […]
This is not ‘Gyan’. But this is my Suicide story.
I write this with a very heavy heart. Not that I knew Jiah Khan personally. Not that I thought she was a fabulous actor, she was decent but very beautiful, she’d do very well indeed if she had  willed. But she was woman, like me. She was a person like us all. She was struggling with life and she gave up, she quit.
Her suicide story took me down memory lane. Not a pleasant one of course. The darkness is mostly never pleasant. I certainly find it addictive and I have witnessed its malignant face too. I […]
i need someone to talk to. i said in one of my previous posts that i made myself a promise to basically make myself be happier. now i seem and feel happier. most of the time.
since i seem happier, nobody really believes there is anything wrong with me anymore. nobody seems to care because nobody thinks i really have a problem.
i cry as soon as i get home because i like people thinking i am happy. last year i was just a sort-of known girl who didnt sayt alot . i didnt make a mark on anyones lives. no one would look back and say, […]
Some Japanese songs, I find, have the most beautiful words in the world…
“Do you remember the other day, the day we saw the scarlet sky?
We made a promise on that day, as the early summer wind circled us.
You forgot that other day, didn’t you?
The promise we made that way only disappeared into the summer wind.
You’ll remember that day we saw the scarlet sky, won’t you?
We accept this lie and walk forward together.” – Uso, by SID
“Why is the sky so blue, as if it knew no sadness?
It only crumbles away towards tomorrow
Without hesitation.
Up in the sky, the wind sings
I had a dream
People will find
Happiness
Or so […]
I have seizures constantly. I can never sleep now. Both of these things are driving me insane.
My family has always been pretty useless and only really cares about themselves. They do the bare bones minimum. I want nothing to do with them, not after all the stuff they put me through. Not after all the countless days I had to have seizures alone while they just did nothing.
Now I am bed ridden most of the day and night. I am slipping more and more. I have no idea how long I can physically or mentally hold up. I cant justify why I should live. No […]
It has been 14 days and I miss you bro! I respect your decision, but still don’t understand “why”….
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