General

life is a pain ever day  i have kidney pains i’m happy though knowing that I going to end it on march 17  I also have insomnia  when I am dead I can sleep and live well  if god rejects me i will become the reapers angel and fight by his side   i have stockpiled a supply of prescription grad sleeping pills and a bottle of wine and a small bottle champagne and a plastic bag self euthanasia will be the cure .

I’m nervous and worried. Everyone says its alright, what’s the worst that can happen? But they don’t know. They don’t understand how hard it is to care. How there can be this wonderful person you care about and it still doesn’t take much to shut switch off. How its so easy to cry while I’m smiling. How much of an effort it all is. Everything I am, everyhing I’ve done to myself.. and they ask what’s the worst that can happen.. I could drag him down with me.

I’ve made a point of leaving people alone. I’m probably the strangest person at my school. They don’t […]

Dear God,

If he is not the one for me…then, take away this pain I used to keep despite of the bleed.

Why do I have to feel so shit? What is the point in living here? I have no escape, fading hope and feelings that make me want to die. Oh, wait, that’s normal for me…

Ive purchased round trip business class ticket’s for march 17 I’m getting on the first plane to the afterlife the tickets are round trip in case i want to visit my family when I’m dead I need to pack my stuff on march 17 I’m heading to the airport and getting on that plane!!!!!!!!!!!!

The music is playing. The feelings sinks in. You lay your head on your pillow, gently. You curl up into that typical fetus position, because for some odd reason, you feel safe that way.  You close your eyes. You let the music fill up your mind, like a breeze of air that enters a room through a window and forces out all the stuffy, carbon-dioxide contaminated air, you were breathing in and out for the past decade. You think about nothing else. You only hear the harmonic melody of the music: leggero in A-minor with a twenty-four bar long introduction, forceful and yet mystically beautiful. […]

I don’t fucking want to go.

I don’t want to go live with my dads. I don’t want to have to follow other people’s schedule’s just because. I don’t fucking want to go. I was supposed to be on my own. I was fucking supposed to be on my own now!

It won’t help being there. It won’t fucking help. I just want to be on my own, have my space. This is ridiculous. How am I going to get better there? I won’t. I need to do things my own way.

I guess this is the consequence of admitting you are not okey. And now I have […]

I don’t know if I have a suicide story or not. I know I think about it often, and I wonder if it’d be better for everyone. Every mistake, every misfortune, every negative experience in my life triggers the thought, “I want to die.” It feels inevitable. I don’t mean to be selfish or think that my life is any worse than any other person. Life is a veil of tears for everyone. I understand that. But it doesn’t seem fair to me that we suffer so much. I didn’t ask to live. I didn’t ask to suffer. I feel like I’m being punished for […]

I’m getting ready for my death on march 17 i’m 19 and 19 years on this earth is long enough to live anymore would be irrational time to RIP

i wonder how many people who have said they were going to commit suicide…. have actually died.

people hate. people want to bring me down. FOR WHO I AM AND HOW I ACT. they say i bring people down. first of all you do not know me so check yourself again. i really wannaa be out of this world. im hopping something will someday do the trick and end up killing me. becuz the only thing stopping me is believing that i might go to hell. i still cut .. its an addiction. you see i cut because i wish i wasnt me. and thats hard to deal with. especially when your arent pretty with a perfect smile. my past is what […]

Why am I posting hell if I know but I do have a couple thins im still trying to figure out! After 25 long years of mental depression its tme to make sure I do this the correct way this time. After my last attempt where I ended up on life support for a week after taking 98 bendryl and 48 sudafed pm! I realized going that route does suck!! I know for a fact there is life after death I can tell you to this day where I was and what I saw! Its like I morn for the other side. This world is […]

What’s it worth if I can’t get anything that I want? Even if I go for it, I don’t fucking get it. What do I care anymore? I mean, does it even matter? Another lost soul in the world. Woohoo. Yay. One more person who can’t take life. One more person too weak to face the pain. Hmph. I mean, does anybody care, anyway? The people I love most… I don’t know if they love me back. I know Trevor doesn’t. I know Garrett doesn’t. I know that they all want skinny girls that don’t have problems. They want girls that conform to the world, […]

After reading through the horrors some people have suffered here, I feel as though the way I feel right now is selfish and unnecessary.
It started a year ago when I first started college. As the year went on, I felt something build up inside me that was stopping me from sleeping. An anxiety that eventually made me too sick to go to college. It got to the point that I had to stop going to college because of it. That was February of 2012.
I put it down to not liking the college, at told myself to try a different one next year […]

I am slowly losing hope that my life has a purpose. The only thing that excites me anymore is being around the girl I’m in love with, however, I have screwed things up with her so badly that she won’t even talk to me. To make things worse, she has a boyfriend and they are perfect together. I am still hoping that someday I will be with her, but that hope is diminishing. There are few things in my life that I have felt so passionate about besides her. When I’m around her, I feel like a whole new person. She motivates me to be […]

Would it better for the surviving children to know that you have ended your life and have closure or for them to just think you have disappeared and be able to hold on to a shred of hope that you may be alive until they were old enough to accept that you are never coming back? So the simple question would be Motel or Montana?