For general topics related to the site.
Most of my old pals aint here any longer guess i ve got to,up and leave
I ve tried hard to forget the fact that i am alone,i keep myself busy during the day with activities like reading,sleeping and browsing the net..but all this shit dont change nothing.cus the moment i step past that big iron gate to get to class,i begin to realise just how ugly and lonely my life is..my elder brother’s wife once told every one that i am a parasite.so i ve stopped asking anybody for financial help.i slowly fell from miserable into something worst.i am in college right now.and seeing my course mates happy,living the good life,going out for dates,using nice cars and phones.always reminds me […]
so i would have been dead today, but once again my fucking life just gets better by the second. was trying to drive until i found a nice drop off a cliff or something but, as my life goes, my god damn truck wouldnt even START for me to do that. Go figure….the one shitty thing i had left in this world that was always there for me, has now finally shit out. I feel the same as that “Friday” posting author, dont really want my family to find me. But i also cant keep fucking waking up to this shit world everyday thinking “YES..another […]
I’ve read that depression is based on self-loathing.
I’ve never experienced sober happiness the way others seem to. Â Looking back on my life, the parts that I think of as happiness are brief moments of relief from this always-present guilt that seems to hover over my head. Â When it briefly lifts once in awhile, that’s happiness to me. Â It makes me feel lonely too, and I wonder if others ever suffer from the same thing.
I wondered if I’ve been hating myself. Â It’s true that I don’t like myself, but “hate?” Â That seemed a little too harsh. […]
I tried ending my life on Friday by connecting a garden hose to my exhaust pipe and into my car window. Â I could not get a good seal and could not get the exhaust to go through the hose properly. Â I became frustrated and drove home. Â I’m against the idea of having my spouse coming home to discover my body, but I sat in the closed garage for about an hour with the car running. Â Nothing happened. Â I finally gave up and crawled into bed.
The next morning I learned that an extended member had killed himself pretty much the same time as I was failing […]
Hi I’m Ana.
I made an account because this site looked interesting, and I’ve been suicidal for a long time. So while I’m here, I just thought I’d give you some general information about myself.
-I’m 15 years old, and more mature than a lot of teenagers my age.
-Female
-I’m insecure about a lot of things, but one thing about myself is that I’m damn well proud of my body.
-I’m easily angered.
-I don’t share a lot of personally information.
Disorders, Hospitalizations, Self-harm History
Disorders
(None of these have been self-diagnosed)
Mood Disorder (most likely bi-polar)
Anxiety Disorder
Sexual Re-activity Disorder
Anorexia Nervosa
I want to die in my sleep. Maybe that’s why an overdose on sleeping pills seems so appealing to me. Even if I die painfully and before I can doze off.. The thought of death by a sleep method seems so peaceful, serene and even more beautiful than having conscious thought while tying a noose or pulling the trigger.
But…
What if I don’t want to wake up in heaven?
I don’t want there to be hell either…
I just don’t want to wake up.
The only thing keeping myself from taking those pills is the thought that even after I die… I still have […]
Haven’t been on in a while due to the whole being homeless thing…any of you guys want to shoot me in the head for twenty bucks? Or just let me borrow a gun for twenty bucks?
I’m the youngest of seven kids. The baby, the brat, the drama queen, the outcast.. you name it, they’ve called me it. Everybody says it’s just because they’re my older siblings and they’re suppose to tease me, but this goes beyond that. They’ve hurt me physically, emotionally, verbally.. Once again, you name it, they’ve done it. I worshiped the ground my second oldest brother walked on. He was my hero and my idol. He spit in my face when his girlfriend came along. He left me with my drug addict mother who let her boyfriend and her ‘customers’ do whatever they wanted to me. She knew, and […]
I still dont see the point in me living my life is the worst ive ruined it compleaatily i have no friends no boyfriend no girlfriend no real family……………. i need serious help!! 🙁 i dont kno if i want to end my life…….. or the pain…. hmmmm
Hey guys. I guess I’m here to vent. That’s all this really is, but I need it regardless. I’m a pretty popular guy at school. A junior in high school. I get along with everyone, but I just can’t seem to be happy. I have absolutely no ambition. I have no will to live, and I have no will to succeed. I go to school. I get along. I make jokes. People laugh at my jokes. I go home. I don’t talk to my parents. My pride has ruined our respective relationships, but I don’t regret it. My pride is one of the only things […]
I’m 27 pills of advil right now and can’t see why i shouldn’t just end it.. i’m getting scared because ever though i don’t want to die i keep popping pill by pill. help please? :'( idk what to do and i have nobody! i’m home alone and 15
I can’t believe this is where I end up.
This shouldn’t be how I live – or better yet, how I don’t live.
Wasted opportunities, fake smiles, I’m getting too good at pretending.
I’m sick of this all. I’m so fucking sick of this all.
No one even cares.
I just want to curl up and die. Why can’t I?
Everything is just so dark and wrong. Why can’t I just die?
And my sleeping pills don’t even work anymore, last week I’d sleep 16hours a day, now I’m sleeping about 4hours. I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted from having to pretend that I’m alive.
Please hear what I’m not saying. Don’t be fooled by the face I wear, for I wear a mask. I tell you everything that’s really nothing, and nothing of what’s everything, of what’s crying within me.
– The “mask”
Ever since I first thought of suicide, no maybe even before that, I put on the “mask”. For me this social “mask” that I wear has probably caused me a whole lot more damage than hurt, yet everyday when I step out of my bed in the morning, I still put on this “mask”, even if it’s covered in thorns. Why? This “mask” that I […]
I don’t want “periods” where I am clean. I want to be clean forever. I don’t want the blades on my skin anymore. I don’t want the panic when all is said and done. I don’t want to see the blood. I don’t want to have to hide parts of my body anymore. I don’t want all these bad things, yet I continue to do them. No matter how many times I think I’m cured, I’m not. Am I trying to kill myself? Would I ever? I’m not ever sure of the point of this post.. Answers? Advice? No idea….
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jppeters
I’ve read this journal for years. I want to show God how unhappy I am for taking this amazing little child too early. If God doesn’t want us to be greedy, why is he greedy for the death of children? But no it’s ok. I’m doing fine. I have a guide dog and all I want. Life is fine. I’lljust pretend that death feels ok, I’ll pretend not to grieve, while inside I’m sick of hearing about people dying after fighting for their lives for years. It’s a pity this kid had a life-saving surgery, only to die of influenza because God didn’t want him […]
I’m sick of crying all the time. I wish the tears would Stop. Can’t you see I’m not fine?! I have looked for love and acceptance everywhere but I’ve only been JUDGED. The most horrible thing is when you’re judged by that person you love unconditionally. They hate being seen with you in public and avoid you when you’re going through a tough time. I have nobody else to turn to. I just cannot remove this mask to others. My mind is clouded with self depreciating thoughts. I just don’t want to live anymore.
I’m 20 years old and in college 800 kms away from home. It has been almost 2 years that i started living on my own. I do not have anybody to call my own. I pretend to be happy and cheerful when i go to college but when i come back to the hostel, I’m lonely and sad. I cry every night. Life is not happier at home. I’m not at all close to my parents. My dad has beaten me up a few times in the past and i hate going back home. They never let me out of the house my whole life […]
I’m so tired of crying myself to sleep every night. I wake up in the morning crying. When I actually make it into work I fight back the tears until I can no longer take it, at which point I go cry in the bathroom. I’m in college and when I’m at school I managed to keep it together as far as not crying but I don’t hear anything the teacher’s saying. My mind is a clouded mess. I can’t focus on anything school related. All I can focus on is holding the tears back or all the thoughts that are constantly bombarding my mind. […]
He’s…expecting.
Josh is expecting a baby with her…
If you’ve read my other stuff about Josh, you’d know that he’s the one I’ve been in love with since I was 15 years old and was my best friend since I was 12. The one that told me he’d always love me and cried when I had to leave. The one that used to lay out with me and watch the stars burn.
They’ve been dating for three years, but it never really hit me that they were serious. I never thought he’d have a child with her..and not me. He always gave me the impression that […]