General

This is for us, The Broken.
So badly beaten and bruised
Till we’re barely eating and used.

This is for us, The Scarred Ones
‘Cause they’re all afraid of us
And our ability to cut
and bleed the pain

This for us, Insane
At least thats what we’re called
When we get tired of losing it all

When there’s nothing to do but fall
…Just breathe.
Stick to our own.
The happy go lucky judges don’t need us
’cause they’re never alone

We are ridiculed no more
When our blood hits the floor
At night when those pills get hard to ignore

We make fun of them
for not being realistic
Remind them […]

I have an eye appointment on Thursday. I’m going with waiting for five years, then will at least try to commit suicide if I decide life isn’t worth it then. But if I’m told that I’ll need surgery this week, I might have to just kill myself next week to get it over with, despite the fact that I hate death. I hate it, I also hate living when I think of all the fucking crap I have to put up with. If I’m not needing surgery I’ll not execute myself sooner. Hopefully someone will see more posts from me over next week, otherwise they […]

so , i have a girlfriend that im with right now , and i love her very much but we have a history that im not particularly proud of . It wasn’t even her, i just hurt her too much . I’ve done too much to her and even though she says that she forgives me , i just cant forgive myself. We broke up twice, each time it was because of me. She’s told me i broke her heart many times,that ive hurt her feelings many times . She tells me everyday all the things I’ve done to her, and everyday when she tells me these […]

She’s happy. That’s all I ever wanted. She’s happy it’s all I ever needed. All she’s given. All she’s endured. It’s everything she deserves. I couldn’t do it and she swears I will… One day. One day. Someday. i have faith in myself. But… It’s not that simple now that he’s here now that someone is taking her all days now that someone has her hand making his way to her heart. Slowly steadily he walks a trail that I worked hard to pave just for me. Walking through doors I bled to open and walls I cried and sacrificed to tear down. Building a […]

I just don’t want to live anymore..

Yea, i put a smile on my face but its fake. I just wanna leave this world. I tried to commit suicide so many times but i always stop because there could be one person who loves me but i doubt it. I cut. It doesnt release any pain inside. I cry all the time but no one notices or cares. Why should they care? Beats me. I just cant deall with all the hate and people telling me to just die. Its getting pretty damn close for me to actually do it.

How is it that I speand my nights sad, confused, and unsure about my will to live. I currently don’t think I’d ever actually do it, but I’m beginning to wonder if one day soon I will.
How can it be that I live my life appearing so happy and strog minded to everyone who knows me when really I’m so confused and unhappy on the inside. If I killed myself tonght, everyone I know would be so shocked and confused that the happy, friendly kid who is always joking around committed suicide, yet somehow in my own mind the idea isn’t as far off […]

Felt really shitty and sad today,havent had this feeling in a long time,thought i was getting better,Sucks

Hope this helps.. Sorry we couldn’t talk.

Porcelain by Helen Jane Long (1)

Went to my friendly Pa for my monthly 7 min Med check up. He changed up one of my meds I hate when he does that. Ever since he did that to me the first time I saw him. ( He took me cold turkey off two pretty strong meds, and doubled ones I said were not affective) ever since then he has earned the name of ‘Quack’ on my caller ID. But anyway, he takes me off ambian, I had been have a little trouble sleeping, but, still, nature of the beast, you know. I I’d not ask for different Med.He puts […]

I’ve only posted once here before. I thought things were getting better. I was sadly mistaken.

I was finally in a place of stability, fine with being alone and stimulating my mind and spirit with books. Then he came along, a complete mirage. He turned me into this ugly thing – fragile, fluttering hope personified. The fantasy melted away like candle wax, exposing him to be a desperate, trembling, unstable demon that sexually assaulted me. It is over between us, but I am traumatized. How did I end up here?

I often feel as though everyone is pretending. My friends feel more like acquaintances, praising themselves for […]

I can’t breathe

I can’t think

I can’t calm down

I can’t stop crying

I can’t find comfort

I can’t stop hurting

I can’t stop cutting

I can’t stop wishing I was gone

I can’t find anything good in my life

I can’t fake a smile anymore…

Good Night You Beautiful, Strong, Amazing People! Wearing My Fake Smile Tommarow. Maybe Someone Will Notice My Pain..

Only Thing Holding Me Back Is Him..Bruno Mars.

We had lunch. Turns out she’s still as shallow and narrow-minded as I remember.

She tells me the fortnight I spent in hospital, she couldn’t stop thinking about me.
“Yeah,” I said, “The hospital staff told me about the phone call you made to the emergency ward telling them that my suicidal state was my dad’s fault”

She told me she told them that she left him because he was “abusive”. I don’t know if it’s true or not. I never saw him abuse her in the whole time I lived with them. And I already know she’s full of shit.

Once, she kicked my sister out of […]

I can’t do it, I cant go back to school tomorrow.

School is where I have to pretend that everything is alright.

I can’t focus, I can’t think..

I can’t walk in those doors with a smile on my face and act like my life is perfect

I just can’t do it…

Is It Fair To Go To School Everyday Not Wanting To Smile Because Of People Making Fun Of It? Is It Fair I Have To Hide It Every Single Day? Is It Fair That I Feel Worthless? This Whole Weekend I Thought About Killing Myself. Looking Up Ways To Tie A Noose. Non-Painful Ways To Kill Myself. I Mean, There’s No Point Of Living Anymore. The Only Thing Holding Me Back Is The Fan Base I’m In.   It’s The Hooligan Fan Base With The Singer, Bruno Mars. That’s What’s Holding Me Back..

So someone I know is on a strict no-alchol diet, its been a few months and I thought things were gonna be different. I thought wrong. I found a vodka bottle under her bed, after I kicked one of my shoes under there.  I brought it up to her, she said that’s not for me. I said yeah its not. She tried to bargaining with me to keep quiet. I turned them away, I pitied her. Now I feel like cutting, I only use needles now. I was doing so well, I just can’t help but feel it’s the right thing to do. I want to […]