General

You don’t understand , I will never be loved the way I need to be . I have a broken heart and it hurts alot I can’t take this pain anymore l can’t be alone i just can’t . It hurts and I want this pain to go away …<|3
The only way is to end this . I can't wait for years . 🙁 just can't .

I wish I wasn’t here. I wish I could stop breathing. Stop being. No one would notice. I am nothing to anybody. And I’m sick to death of this life. I wish I could get off this rollercoaster called life.

I wonder why so many of us blame ourselves for depression and anxiety.  If you really think about it, the real culprit, the real glaring reason (though it’s hidden in plain sight) is mass society and mass culture.  Sociopathic, consumer-driven, maniacally cruel and relentless, zombie-creating, hive mentality, money/capital-obsessed mass society/culture.  We go through life trying to fill the enormous hole inside of us that mass society creates…for some, it works, although usually not without the use of high doses of anti-depressants and benzos and other drugs like television (mass media and audio-video methamphetamine), sex, food, material objects that we “have” to have (most of it […]

so its been a while since i have last posted here.
i have all my exams this week, but they finish tomorrow, thank god and then im done with this year of school!
in all honesty though, i have gotten worse from the time of my last post.
as previously said, i told some friends and they made me go to the school counsellor who then told my dad, who then had to tell my mother.. then my sisters found out… and i never wanted any of it to happen!
then my mother saw my cuts, she told my dad.
my mother has stopped being […]

Who was the writer (was it Edgar Allen Poe) who wrote about ‘the dark night of the soul’. Last night I wished for even some weed to knock me out. It’s a goddamn torture to lie awake for hours, wishing that I could bring on a heart attack just by will alone.
There is a drug used by South American tribes which users say makes you relive every wrong thing you have ever done or said and feel the pain that the person who you said it to or did it to felt. This supposedly cleanses you.
I don’t need that drug. In my […]

That’s what they call themselves until they can’t be bothered anymore. I used to think that I had three amazing friends who listened to me when I was down, helped me through my most suicidal phase. And now, for awhile, I was better again. Now that I’m back down in that bottomless well, they – one at a time – tell me that they hate me, don’t care for me and find me really annoying. They’ve lied to me for years. “You’ll get through it, we’ll help you.” Yeah, and then drop me out of the sky. Thanks.

Have you ever been upstairs in your room, laying on your bed, about to go to sleep when all of a sudden you start to feel weird. You start to feel extremely paranoud and fearful of something that may or may not be there? Paranoid I mean.. To the point of hearing things. Which makes it worse. And then you have to go downstairs and watch t.v until the paranoia and dear and panic disappears. Does anyone know what this is?
Or has anyone experienced this?

It strikes yet again. Left to dwell in my thoughts. I am sick of feeling ravaged. I’m not looking for pity. Just for help. I want to end it all. I came so close to ending it all. Just make the pain stop. Please. Someone. Advice?

why is it so hard?