General

Tonight I just felt worse than ever. I just want it to be over. I can’t stand it anymore. The only reason I’m not killing myself is because I don’t want to cause pain to others that care about me. I would hate for my parents to suffer just so that I can be happy. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Why can’t I just be happy and get on with my life?

Its fucking unbelievable. How can one sabotage their own life this way.

I haven’t been on this in months. I often read peoples stories though. I jut wanted to take the time to blog this. I’ve never heard of anyone in my community taking their own life until tonight. I got the message telling me that someone I had went to school with killed himself. I don’t know why, I don’t know him very well, but I know it happened. It’s hard to believe and just to have this pain in my side is letting me know its real. It’s hard to believe, Rest in paradise my friend, you had the guts to do what I’ve never […]

This isn’t going to be some pretty thing. It’s just how I am right now. Growing up I was fine. I never would have thought I would be sitting here planning how I should die. I don’t want to do this anymore. I am so fake for everyone so that they can be happy. And for what. What is one less life. I’m done faking. I’m done being me. I wish I knew how to be real and how to be strong. But I don’t and I can’t. And then you call. You make me feel terrible for wanting to abandon you. You make me […]

I Reek With Truth

This right here is my final farewell

id be lying if I said its been swell

I hope I dont see you in hell

but then again time will tell

so this sharp metal tingles my skin

my sanity is paper thin

I cant speak, cant say a word

I can only think of the hurtful things ive heard

in the end I guess I deserve this in a way

there really isnt much to say

so with this knife my mind does play

I cant find any hope of tomorrow, not even a ray

this blood is so shiny, so […]

today my best friend told me in passing that her and her mother are worried that my friends niece is going to be “just as fucked up as me” if her father doesn’t get his shit together.

guess the people who  i considered my family think just as shitty of me as the rest of the world.

i started cutting again. i don’t know if i’m going to stop ever. unless i go that little bit to deep one day.

hell if i’m going to be so “fucked up” might as well live up to the expectations others have for me.

I dont know why I’m posting on here in the first place. I guess im hoping that maybe someone else is going through the same thing. Ive been fucked up since i was little when my dad would beat the shit out of me for not being athletic or preppy enough. Things just got worse when i went to highschool i was a scared little kid at 4’11 90 pounds. i was the perfect target. I was homeschooled all my life so i never understood social interactions, i fit in trash cans and lockers, and i couldn’t fight back. My only friends were the poetry […]

Well, I am.

I’m also very smart.

But mostly, I’m an idiot.

One of my biggest problems right now is that I don’t think anyone might like me once they get to know me, which is not so much about other people as it is my own self-perception. I already dislike myself; I dislike how I react (feel) to social situations, and I dislike the fact that I feel as if I have no ability to change that.

I dislike how sensitive I’ve grown over absolutely everything. I don’t know how I got this way, but I really don’t know how I could undo what’s already […]

They say you live to give to others but what if you’ve got no more to give? Hm…

That Girl Who You Thought Was Unbreakable , Broke. That Girl Who Always Laughed, Cried. That Girl Who Never Stopped Trying, Finally Gave Up. She Dropped Her Fake Smile As A Tear Rolled Down Her Cheek, And She Whispered To Herself

“I Cant Do This Anymore.” 

That Girl Is Me. I Act Like The Happiest Person On Earth At School. But Really I’m Depressed, Sad, Hurt, Confused, Lonely, Unloved, Judged, Misunderstood, Broken, And Dying Inside. 

Everyday My Depression Gets Worse.            I Wake Up Wanting To Kill Myself And Go To Bed Wondering Why I Didn’t.

My Bestfriend Is Suicidal And I Don’t Tell Her About My Depression […]

I have classes all day and work all night. I need to be able to have my “alone time” when I get this way, but neither schedule will let up. It’s making everything worse and I’m panicking.

i don’t understand how i can simultaneously crave companionship and flee social interaction.

locked in my bedroom,
ignoring texts and calls from my roommates,
my friends,
my sister,
my mom.

i don’t have the strength to read or respond.
i don’t have the strength to pick up the call.
i barely have strength to pull the blankets over my head,
yet i wish i wasn’t hiding under covers alone.

How does a person get rid of their social drive? That longing for companionship?

It’s kind of like sex drive. I’d like to kill that off, too.

I can’t deal anymore.
I moved almost two months ago and sitting here in my room the same as every night and day, except this time somethings different. I’m having flashes, and I look up at the wall where the lamp is shining down on the paint. Light blue, like the carpet nine years ago. I can’t do this anymore. Being alone all the time, having nobody to talk to and distract me from old memories. I feel this sensation in my gut, and this dragging feeling from my shoulders down to my palms. I took the first cut in sophomore year. And then it […]

i have so many regrets in life and so many thing i wish i could change to the point where it is eating away at me i wish i could go back in time and change my past…. like in that movie the butterfly effect….

I just had a breakdown.  I started breaking things and throwing them all over the place.  I had no control and this hasn’t happened for a long time.  I feel claustrophobic, I feel as if there isn’t enough room to breathe no matter where I go.  I have no motivation for anything, I don’t want anything.  I want to give/throw away everything I own and just be bare.  I wish I wasn’t such a coward and could find the perfect opportunity to end it.  I have been scarred growing up and my defense mechanism was to lock away my emotions and never let anyone in. […]

hi everyone

                         i want your comments about my life history. i was born in india and came to australia in 2007

        and i completed my studies in 2010. due to my reckless ness  i missed a chance to get ctizenship and i have to study again to stay in this  country till now  2013 . in the hole 5 years  i learnt so many   in my life some are good & some are bad. now my parents in my country want me to get married in my family my father and mother and one younger brother my father spend so much money on me before i came […]

I hate how people say your “too young” to be depressed.. You don’t know what they have been through, you have no rigth to judge them.

four walls, Four plain white fucking walls. That’s all I see, Thats all I feel. I feel like I have no one. I go to bars, I go to school, it doesn’t matter. All I ever feel is the loneliness. I wish I could talk to god and tell him how much I hate him…..