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“Get out and do something. i’m not going to sit here and coddle you. stop sulking.”
so i ran away to find someplace i could cry alone. and here i am. i know he loves me and i love him. we just want different ways of showing support. it’s just that now i can’t go home.
Some people may skim, not look at this post or think I’ve gone insane.. But for the past few nights I’ve been having vivid nightmares.. The same ones continuing every night. Where someone i love takes me and touchers me, beats me, and cuts my sides open with a pocket knife not sharp but sharp enough to make my sides bleed. After they would bandage me, wait for it to heal and do it all over again. Its really scary but one of my friends said “Meg ur ok its just a dream, its not actually happening you’ll b fine” Â To him that maybe […]
I have made my decision no chickening out. Â I am posting this so when my family goes through my phone which they will they will see i weighed my options and i was sure. Â You cant escape yourself and i am the problem i cant blame anyone but me. I truly believe this is the best for everyone no more worries about me cutting or worries about me being depressed i will be gone and their lives can go on and be happy. They deserve te best amd im not it
I don’t know why I’m even bothering, but what the hell. I’m still here. Still not in the pokey, either, though I suspect I’m running out of time.
I think I’m sticking around just to piss people off. I’m probably just chickenshit.
It dawned on me this morning that if I was someone else looking at my life and my situation, I’d be telling me to fight hell and high water. Even if I lose, I’d still get to take down a few assholes with me. My brother deserves to be in jail for rape. My narcissistic sister needs a serious dose of reality to shatter her […]
Everything today has gone to shit….
My brother just waking up and going to watch tv somehow got on my nerves
I had a credit card company call and leave a message
I had a bike stolen a while ago which was given to me by my landlord and she just asked where it was…. (least of my problems)
I lost a friend and I don’t know why… I just woke up and all of the sudden shes unfriended me…. 🙁 this one hurts the most…
I ruined my plant – I was trying to change the cycle to make it bud, covering it with a garbage bag, and now […]
Okay I said I wasn’t going to come back to this site but here I am. You ppl seem to be the only ones to understand. I’m in my early 30s and very alone. It sucks so bad but at the same time I push people away. I have these anxiety attacks and deal with depression so it embarresses me to be around anyone but at the same time I can’t handle being alone. I kno makes no sence at all. Its just like now… I lost 3 people just yesterday. Crazy weekend… had the police tracing my fone b.c. I was open to a […]
I went crazy yesterday.
 Mom brought home the one who irrates me so. We had an agreement that I would get advanced warning we she was bringing him home. Yesterday she had left a message on my phone. I had be working in the barn and hadn’t had my phone with me. There’s a longer story but I ended getting upset and lost my ability to talk and think straight. I tried to contain myself/felt an explosion inside. Ended up mucking up two of my belongings(silently with no audience-it was the best I could do).
Today, he’s back again. Today there was not even a call before. […]
a gift from God, does that mean depression also is ? how do you return the gift without causing pain to other God’s children ?
Over a year a go, I went to a doctor just to talk to someone. I was just having one of those of days, that was all. I was never depressed. Anyway, she gave me these tablets that were citalopram without explaining what they were, how long I should take them for or when it would be reviewed. She didn’t even explain why she thought I should be on them in the first place. All she said was if it was me, i would take them. I had been taking these tablets from October 2010-November 2011 without knowing what they were. This was a trainee […]
I have been contemplating the final act for weeks on end. My roomate just left for work so the apartment is mine if I choose to do so. The only way out is a rope, I dont have access to any pills this time. I think about the actuall moment of loosing conscieness. I have a video of a person which posted his suicide online from hanging. I’ve watched it 10 or 20 times over the last year and a half. His body isn’t completely suspended meaning he could have stood up at any point before passing out to stop his suicide. I have never […]
So today is the 30.07.12, and today I have given myself one year too think it over, to plan it and too decide if  it’s truly what I want.
My boyfriend, he left me today. He has no answer, he won’t even talk too me. Fact is I was very reliant on him.
I just can’t cope, and I can’t live like this. So one year today I will decided whether to kill myself or not.
As a child, I was sexually abused  by three girls, and one guy. I was physically and mentally abused by my sister. I was tormented and at age 11 I started too […]
so. my butterfly project is meh right now. I’m hoping it will pick up soon. buuuuuut. c’est la vie. anywho. i made a few more butterflies! and named them this time. for the names, http://butterflyprojects.wordpress.com/2012/07/30/so-this-time-around-ive-named-them-11/. but here are pics of them!
Alright im 19 years old. You guys on here think you’ve been threw stuff? My Bio dad abannded me when i was born. Another man Adopted me and called me his. Only for me to find out it really wasnt him who was my dad. Brother died of cancer. I pretty much raised him. I have attempted suicide many times and i believe that it has put me in an inbetween of this and the next life. I look around and everything seems darker. The whole world just angier.
When i began expiermenting with drugs i did many things. Ive done anywhere from pot/DMT/Spice/Coke and about […]
Always feeling sad.
Always feeling out of place.
Always feeling wrong.
Always feeling useless.
Never be happy.
Always feeling unloved.
Always feeling lousy.
Always feeling unwanted.
Why I live?
32yo female. I feel so empty, and don’t see a reason to carry on. I’m scared, I’m angry, I’m heartbroken, I’m bitter and I’m incredibly lonely.
I woke up around 3:00am trembling in fear after having one of my worst nightmares ever… my arms and legs still shaking and this feeling of pain in my chest won’t go away… falling down spiral…
hi everyone.. im michael and i sometimes think about ending it.. alot.. i feel alone in this country.. and im scared to be myself.. i dont have any motivation to live for.. and i dont have a gf.. and im scared of girls and everyone.. and everyone looks at me funny and i worry what others think.. i overthink things and get depressed.. so i want to end it.. but im scared to do that i want to get away from my mom and i have no goals in life.. i cant post stuff on facebook. because they banned me.. so i want to end […]
I always put on a fake mask, and try to act like I’m the happiest person in the world. I just put on a fake smile when I am actually dying. I am so tired to pretend, so I decided to take it off. It’s been so long that I finally decided to take it off, but I don’t know the person under it. Now it seems that no one cares about the girl under the mask. I don’t know who I am, and nobody does either. So I put on the mask on again. I want to die so badly, but I am scared […]
im trying to force my way through today to be positive, my friend recently moved out of my house and she lives quiet a way away now and i really miss her, my brother also moved even furthur away recently. i really miss being able to easily hang around with them, they were my reasons for waking up, they still are, its just abit more difficult. i feel kind of lost, i like being around people when the black cloud of deppresion isnt horribly distorting who i am. so im going to try and go outside today, even if its just walking around in my […]
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