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The time has come, the 11.30 train will be here soon and then i will have to face my fear
Being alone for ever
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General
I hate who I am. What I have become. I see nothing worth saving.
I am lazy. I am a whore. I am not worthy.
I don’t need anyone telling me that I am because If I don’t believe then those words are just a waste of energy.
If I could overdose without risking it not working I would. I’m so tired.
This demon deep within me. I can feel it coming out again. All I want is to be high out of my mind all day everyday. That or just kill myself. I was all about being clean but now I just don’t care and can’t wait to get my hands on some drugs. Well in a few days I’ll be trippin so I am waiting for that day to come. Then I’ll decide if drugs will be enough or not even worth bothering with again. I don’t know where this is all coming from. I was getting so much better. I was happy to be […]
My brother is engaged, and last night his fiance came over to my house crying. She found proof that he was cheating on her and, once again, I was the one trying to comfort yet another person my brother had trampled over just because he could. She had said that she saved her virginity for when she knew she found “the one,” and she made the mistake of trusting my brother, and now she feels ashamed of it. And my mom, of course, was defending my brother saying that either he didn’t cheat or, if he did, it’s because he’s young and […]
I’,m keeping it simple so someone will actually read this.
I never express myself because I never have anything good to say, its always so dark and demented. It scares me and others.
People are getting confused, they know something is up, but the don’t have the slightest clue of what. I have not written in a while, and I miss it. I can’t express myself, and no one will know what is going on, there is just a whole bunch of missing pages in this story; if I can even call it that anymore. I have been sad, sadder than ever. I can’t stop asking myself, “When will things be better?â€.I can’t explain what is going on in my life for, there is nothing. Just the Same Shit, Different Day. Time is just being wasted more and […]
okay so im gonna make this story short, i haven’t been on here in a while and this girl that i love more then anything is telling me to leave her alone, that im a stalker, and that im harrasing her.. three things i don’t know why shes telling me. ok so the leave her a lone part she won’t even talk to me about it.. she just threatens me with the cops.? the stalker part ok ive known her for 4 years and we used to talk everyday on the phone so now when i start talking to her she calls me a stalker… […]
it`s my dad`s death anniversary. I`m adopted. And my real dad…well, it`s his death anniversary tonight he killed himself in front of me. my dad, he shot himself. in front of me. When i was 12. Nothing much happened for awhile, I guess it needed some time to sink in. Then when i turned 15, i got hospitalized like 3 times for attempted suicide that year. There was nothing i wanted more than to just die and i was so mad cuz they wouldn`t let me. You know how it feels when everyone`s secretly blaming me…the kind of blame where no one really says anything […]
I tried to become a better person. To stop the things that make me hate myself so much.
I talked about this before but it’s starting to become a big problem again.
Thinking about it makes me want to vomit. I’m so disgusted with myself and the situation.
I just made it to partner 32, yay for the whore!
I was doing so well, three months. No sex. I was so proud of myself. But then they came back. And because I’ve been avoiding instead of dealing with the problem directly I crumbled.
I did say no, I did move his hand when he tried to touch me. I tried […]
I always have such grand ideas for things to do during my lunch hour but I usually end up lazily browsing the national post website and wallowing in some self pity.
I would rather not have been born; I think all the time how I hate the various sensations that go along with occupying a living body. It’s all so draining, trying to find some level of contentment… I dunno.
I feel like, some time ago, I experienced heaven, but now I’m here. I’ve completely forgotten the experience of perfect happiness except for the lingering feeling that I’ve been better. I long for non-existence.
Am I ugly? I’ve been told I hate the feeling when people point out my flaws… That what makes me cut. When I know I’m not pretty enugh for guys I cut my writs and legs,but this time I cut a little part of my face. I cryed and cryed till my step dad got home… On my walk I thought about killing myself… But I won’t do it… I’m to scared to kill myself. So that the good news for now, I gues. Why can’t there be a guy that will think I’m beautiful?
Am i really weak your wanting to die sometimes,… The most important person in my life said “your weak stop being a little fucking vagina” =((( i assked what if someone in your family killed themselves.. he said they would be remembered as weak.. i all i thought to myself was… im going to be remembered as weak now? Not good or kind or giving.. which i am very much so. Then he took it back and said talk to me whats wrong just tell me… and he know whats wrong but i guess it’s just so i can express my emotions and cry it […]
I recently can to notice that I fall in “love” easily . Way to easily. Know I don’t know if I am in love for real , or not. What i do is think I am in love. Make myself be in love. but its not. I hate this.. I don’t know how to get out of this…. what do i do. can I get out of it?
“The slightest words you said
Have all gone to my head
I hear angels sing in your voice
When you pull me close
Feelings I’ve never known
They mean everything
And leave me no choice
Light on my heart, light on […]
…and I feel terrible. I married 11 years ago and she was diagnosed with bipolar a few months later. Since then, we’ve had good times, bad times, up times and down times. There have even been normal times. But she changed meds three years ago and got very ill. Since then, I’ve done everything I can and it’s made me very, very ill. I crashed late last year and had to be rescued by a friend who became my partner. I’m weighed down with guilt and self-loathing and all I can think about is ending it.
My real name is Richard, by the way, not Verkitso. […]
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I fucking live off coffee and cigarettes, to be honest i just don’t give a shit , thats deff another lie, affirmed by my predisposition to cry. I claim to be emotionless when really I’m overrun by it. You all see a smile, but not whats inside, its just a mask i use to hide. I’m giving you what you want, now its up to you to conceive, in reality it has nothing to do with me. Over the years I’ve grown to see , that you don’t want to […]
The dead are so peaceful. When you look in their eyes you know they are seeing a world beyond our own. The mortal remains are so still and cold. They have gone… We wash them dress them and put them on display. All so everyone can walk by and cry. Why? They are so far removed from you. They go on why can’t we? There is no time for goodbye. They simply just go. I envy them their self-centeredness. They have no concern for those they leave behind. I ENVY THEM!! Their lack of need to offer comfort, or solace to those who are left behind. […]
Its pretty fucking sad when the hotline is basically telling you that yeah,you’re worthless and you will probably end up dead.
Some gems from last nights call:
When I mentioned having herpes…
“Yeah…thats a big one. That would make me think twice about being with someone. Thats a bummer for you.”
When I mentioned being fat…
“Well,you might be overweight,I dont know if I would call you fat walking down the street,but at least thats something you can work on.”
When I mentioned nothing getting better and wanting to die…
“Well,you dont mention having an active plan,you sound pretty depressed. if I had to categorize you specifically,I’d say,yeah,you’re depressed and you are […]
I wont ever commit suicide but i think about it a lot. I am a 42 y/o gay man and i feel all alone. I am the youngest of a family of five
And i was born late into my family. My oldest brother was murdered when i was four and it tore my family apart. I lost my dad to cancer when i was 12 and my mom when i was 32. The only family i have is my sister her two kids. My sister and oldest niece has nothing to do with me. My youngest niece is the only one who is involved […]
The only time anyone will finally realize that something s wrong, it will be to late for me. I’m starting to think it is to late, for fucks sake mom, I showed you my fresh cuts and you never even asked if I was okay.Why won’t anyone see that I just want help, that I want to be loved or cared for. My tears are real, I just want someone to tell that I have something to live for. Just fucking save me. I don’t wanna do this anymore.
Apparently all I ever do is antagonize my sister, she told me today. She also told me to “go cut” myself. You know what? I might just take that order.
I’m sick of her using this against me. I never use her eating order against her. If I did my parents would get shitty with me.
I haven’t seen the school counsellor this year because she sees my sister, and I don’t want her comparing stories. I don’t talk to my friends anymore because they have their problems. Who’s left? It seems my sister has taken everyone. Her problems are always worse than mine.. therefore my depression […]